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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Adding to 'shitty fat comments' so... aibu to be so bloody angry at bil calling me a 'fat f*@k' on facebook?

46 replies

goodmum123 · 14/01/2012 22:43

I've never had a problem with this individual and his family until my husband's father died leaving a mess with the will etc... For some reason I have been the target of hatred.

I had pnd at the time so head was/is a bit of a mess, and they (sil, bil, step-mil etc) decided to take their loss, grief and anger out on me. Following the funeral they, and a few cronies, decided to verbally attack me for being so-called 'disrespectful' at the funeral (lies). I confronted them about this straight away.
I decide to avoid fb as other comments were put on there. Five months later, close friends inform me that there is some distasteful, abusive stuff written on there.
I look and see this comment on my bil's wall 'Good night the real Mrs ..............not like that fat fuck that calls herself a ...............
He was saying night to my husband's father's widow (second wife) and trying to make me look a fool.
AIBU to be upset (im trying to lose weight) and is there anything that can be done about this?
Please don't attack me a bit fragile at the moment

OP posts:
Original poster
goodmum123 · 14/01/2012 22:47

Sorry, BillyBollyBandy, I wrote this post as I symapathise so much with you. Thank you for being brave and giving me the confidence to ask fmumsnetters about what happened to me xx

OP posts:
skybluepearl · 14/01/2012 22:47

My IL's attacked me when i was very vulnerable with a new born - at least they saw the fault in their ways when i pointed it out to them.

Questions - what does your hubby say? What kind of man is he? Your DH should be having strong words with IL's.

WorraLiberty · 14/01/2012 22:47

Of course YANBU

But why the venom against you? And what has your DH said about it?

EricNorthmansFangBanger · 14/01/2012 22:49

Good grief! YANBU!

There is really no need for that status. I can't believe how rude and hurtful someone can be, especially as it seems that you have done nothing wrong.

Has your DH spoken to his brother about his behaviour?

TongueTwisted · 14/01/2012 22:51

Jesus, they are being absolute twats.

Why have they been attacking you? I'd have your DH have some serious words with his brother.

YA in no way BU with regards to your anger. I'd be spitting feathers at them for their treatment.

Original poster
goodmum123 · 14/01/2012 22:52

Thanks sbp, my hubby is wonderful and is still coming to terms with the loss of his father. There is so much legal stuff going on so it has all been put on the backburner for now.... ALso, he did want to go and sort the situation out but I held him back as I was so worried about what he would/ could do. My hubby has basically stopped contact with all of them so he is being supportive but has so much going on too. Thanks for you reply so quickly.
Im sorry you were attacked when so vulnerable. One day, might be years, I think they will see error in their ways. They do not see my 15 month old and I know that will be devastating for sil but what did they think I would do?

OP posts:
Kayano · 14/01/2012 22:52

What a DICK

How
Did they say you were disrespectful? DH should be standing up for you that is awful! What does he say?

QuietOhSoQuiet · 14/01/2012 22:53

oh my that's awful,FB has a lot to answer for at times,whatever goes on in someones head is allowed out into the whole world via the medium of fecking fb

you have not said what your dh has said about this,one would hope he would fully support you after giving birth and having pnd (it's shit at the time but there is light at the end of the tunnel)

You need to ignore this poisonous venom,yanbu to be upset given that you are fragile but you do need to ignore these petty ignoramouses and live your life,you will loose weight in your own time and you will be a happy person as some of us recognise what it means to be truly happy,and that means not being horrid and venemous like your inlaws seem to be

Original poster
goodmum123 · 14/01/2012 22:56

Thank you all for your support, was beginning to think I was going mad!! They have targetted me because it is all about a will and money! Apparently this is quite common just never thought someone who claimed to be my sister in march would turn on me in June when i have honestly done nothing but be there for her. I suppose im just struggling to come to terms with it myself. Grief can do strange things to people so im told.

OP posts:
Kayano · 14/01/2012 22:57

I don't get how 'Facebook has a lot
To answer for' on these threads Confused

It's not exactly facebooks fault is it?

It should be 'OPs shitty ass arsehole of a BIL has a lot to answer for' surely?

Sorry for slight derailment of thread

skybluepearl · 14/01/2012 22:58

Your DH sounds like a good man. I think you are doing the right thing by having less contact. I'm doing the same with my IL's and that seperation really helps me feel less emotionally involved. It took a whhile to feel calmer about them, but now they feel like such a tiny part of my life and take up very little of my brain space.

skybluepearl · 14/01/2012 23:01

It does sound like you are their scape goat - are they upset with your DH for any reason but have ended up taking it out on you?

Original poster
goodmum123 · 14/01/2012 23:02

Kayono. They said i was disrespectful for doing the following:
Apparently, i physically pushed the widow out of the way so that i could be nearer to the coffin as it was taken into the church form the car. (definitely did not). I then positioned myself in the 'best' place in the church. Unfortunately i did not know where to sit and was directed to the front pew and did end up near the coffin. But please believe me when i say i did not plan it. My hubby was carrying his dad and had asked me to be with him throughout and obviously he sat on front pew and so did i. not meant out of malice but had id been told before where not to sit by the ils i would have followed their wishes.
tbh i feel set up, like i was in the lion's den.

Laughing now at how crap this post sounds as i did nothing of the sort and would always show the utmost respect to all people, especially at my fil funeral!!

OP posts:
Original poster
goodmum123 · 14/01/2012 23:05

will print off this thread as is full of feel-good vibes. Thank you mumsnetters xxx

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 14/01/2012 23:08

It's good your DH is behind you with it.

Knowing that someone has so much anger in them to be posting shitty remarks on fb about you to other people you know five months later, must be really difficult to deal with.

Just to sustain that anger for so long speaks volumes.

I think you should carry on ignoring them if you can though, surely there should come a point when they start to calm down, and you can reassess how you feel about how they've treated you then?

Just seen your last post with the things they said you did, sounds like they were looking for a reason to cut you out? Did your DHs dad stop them from acting like this in the past do you think?

QuietOhSoQuiet · 14/01/2012 23:09

ignore,ignore,ignore

kanyo maybe its not fb that has a lot to answer for in reality but the fact it is there has made it very easy for people to be really horrid without having to do it face to face so to speak

just ignore it all

StewieGriffinsMom · 14/01/2012 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

skybluepearl · 14/01/2012 23:32

For your BIL to post such comments on FB, he really must be messed up emotionally. What ever you do don't take it personally, just see comments as a reflection of his inner turmoil. It sounds like you are an easy target in that you aren't his mother or brother. I do think your DH has to say something though. Could he play the adult and simply post on FB that this kind of behaviour is not acceptable and very rude. He could explain to BIL that family should be supporting eachother in this time of need, not trying to hurt eachother. You shouldn't get involved at all.

LovingChristmas · 14/01/2012 23:36

Block everything possible and ask your friends not to pass on the comments, if they are posting vile stuff like that they are twunts. If you have to see them, in the words of another MNetter (who's name escapes me) tell them to fuck the fuck off!
And when you say you are trying to lose weight, it doesn't matter if you're bloody twiggy or an elephant, no one and I mean NO ONE has the right to make you feel bad about yourself.
I'm so angry on your behalf.
Let DH deal with his family and just ignore, ignore and ignore some more, they are pathetic and to be honest I find people who need to broadcast on FB how annoyed they are with someone is just looking for attention, do not give it them.

GRRRRRR for you, twunts!!
Be happy and try not to let the shits get you down, which I appreciate is easier said than done.

Sending an un mumsnet hug for you

SubordinateClaws · 15/01/2012 04:35

Smells like a case for Jezza Kyle...

troisgarcons · 15/01/2012 05:26

Well your ILS are peculiar.

I've never been to a funeral (or wedding) where the DILs/SILS of the deceased are relegated to 'lesser' pews, thus allowing the children of the deceased the front pew. You accompany your partner and sit with them.

Funerals are always emotive - especially if there are already undercurrents and tension running in a family.

And the old adage - where there is a will, there is a relative.

With regard to FB - don't have these people on your FB, delete and block.

JustHecate · 15/01/2012 08:38

tbh, I'd just delete them from facebook and have no further contact.

People can choose to put their behaviour down to grief if they feel like being charitable.

Personally, I think it's probably to do with cash.

bochead · 15/01/2012 08:51

Grief goes thru several stages and some people get "stuck" in one of them, anger being pretty common amongst those who have the self-awareness to seek professional help.

It's a shame when the combination of grief and pound signs brings out the really ugly side of human nature like this.

Support your hubbie as he grieves, with family like this he's not gonna get it anywhere else! Let your husband suport you and reach out to the supportive friends you as a couple have made. Concentrate on your own healing and your immediate family.

PND is tough enough in itself without you internalising spite. Block the so & so's and have no further contact for a year or two. Hopefully y then BIL will have recognised the error of his ways and come to see you and you husband with a heartfelt apology.

Proudnscary · 15/01/2012 09:04

Have you considered taking your grievances to Jeremy Kyle?

ZillionChocolate · 15/01/2012 09:13

Why suggest JK? It's just mean. I don't think that OP's problems are either petty or brought on by herself, so she doesn't seem like a good candidate.

I agree that OP should just ignore the in laws and focus on her immediate family.

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