Adding to 'shitty fat comments' so... aibu to be so bloody angry at bil calling me a 'fat f*@k' on facebook?

[goodmum123]

I've never had a problem with this individual and his family until my husband's father died leaving a mess with the will etc... For some reason I have been the target of hatred.

I had pnd at the time so head was/is a bit of a mess, and they (sil, bil, step-mil etc) decided to take their loss, grief and anger out on me. Following the funeral they, and a few cronies, decided to verbally attack me for being so-called 'disrespectful' at the funeral (lies). I confronted them about this straight away.
I decide to avoid fb as other comments were put on there. Five months later, close friends inform me that there is some distasteful, abusive stuff written on there.
I look and see this comment on my bil's wall 'Good night the real Mrs ..............not like that fat fuck that calls herself a ...............
He was saying night to my husband's father's widow (second wife) and trying to make me look a fool.
AIBU to be upset (im trying to lose weight) and is there anything that can be done about this?
Please don't attack me a bit fragile at the moment

As much as Facebook gets slagged off on here by what i presume is the older generation (i only say that as my own parents think its the route of all evil). In this day-and-age its a part of life, sad but true.
I agree with justhecate in a 'delete and block' route, and money makes people horrible!

You don't need people like that in your life!

Sorry i've not been more helpful, but wanted to send you a little bit of my fcuk them attitude!

The JK comments are just mean...

YANBU to get upset by this, but really I do agree with the posters who say you should block the whole lot so you can't see it. If your friends try to tell you about what has been said you should explain to them that you are not interested in hearing it. If they continue to give you 'information' then you ought to consider if they are actually your friends.

Print out your BIL's facebook, get legal advice on the will, if you've not already. Let the lawyers work out the details.

Zillion/Katespade

Yes Facebook is a fact of life. As are other social networks. It's a great way to connect, share photos and group email people.

But people who live their lives on/ play out their problems on Facebook with ridiculous and offensive posts are juvenile and inadequate.

So I make absolutely no apology for suggesting the Jeremy Kyle route.

HTH

To be fair, the OP is just asking for advice about comments made about her on Facebook, they may be juvenile and inadequate (which clearly they are) but I can understand why the OP is hurt by them regardless of where they were made.

I would delete, block then ignore OP. These people are not worth your headspace.

Thanks for the clarification Proudnscary. I see no evidence that the OP is playing out her problems on Facebook. I'd imagine she'd be equally upset if the in laws were slating her to her friends/family/neighbours/colleagues in person, or by letter/telephone call.

OP seems to have been actively avoiding Facebook actually.

I don't have a fb account but if someone told me there was something on it about me, I would get a friend to show me. And I'd be devastated if it was something like that.

I agree with you proudnscary on somethings. I hate when people put their whole lives on Facebook, Its not something i do, and never will do.

However suggesting Jezza kyle, it isn't helpful, its hurtful. Havn't you heard of, if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all?

I totally agree with Nagoo and ask your friends not to tell you. Don't be tempted to react...that's what bil wants. If it helps, I'd think someone was an absolute dick if I saw this on FB...what has anyone's weight got to do with it ffs. Treat with the contempt it deserves!

Laughs at Jezza Kyle comments!! It had entered my mind (when not in right mind!), that show is so awful but this would fit absolutely.

My family were great whilst fil was here but changed the moment he went into the cancer hospice. They are jealous I think!?

It's true where there's a will, there's family. My husband is tough and it all goes over his head (well they think it does) and so that is why I think they attacked me? Who knows?

I have now blocked them and deleted them and have taken all your excellent advice and will concentrate on my dear freinds and family and those who do matter.

Thank you all again for making me see sense and to stop getting entangled in others people's issues.

One slight problem, we all live in the same village on the same road. But starngely I have not seen them since June (after the funeral)

Delete, block, ignore, ignore.

Your Dh is right - he really doesn't sound worth bothering about, upsetting though it is at the moment. To write something like that on your Facebook are the actions of a stupid, immature man frankly.

Distance yourself.

Oh dear! Must have missed the comment about living on the same road!!

two options, the second being by far the better option

Write in reply " dear BIL, first of all I am mrs so and so too, there is no one real mrs so and so. secondly, I have never fucked you and never will, so why you are refering to me as a fuck I do not know. Thirdly, why you a grown man feel the need to make nasty comments on facebook is beyong me, but you are humiliating yourself."

Or

if you really want to get under his skin IGNORE HIM. He does it for a reaction, so do not give him one. Instead use his nastiness as a spur for your weightloss programme. he is tryign to hurt you, but turn it on its head by using it to do soemthing you want to do. then delete, and block him, and if friends tell you what he says -tell them not to. They are just using you as a scapegoat for their hate and anger.

ANYONE who sees those comments on FB will think they are crass and rude. You live in a small village, that sort of behaviour isn't usually condoned. Just ignore it and them and keep going about your life in the village. Most people will be supportive.

Curious as to why a will would cause such a divide. Who did your FIL leave all his money too then? I take it it hasn't been an even division of money. (No need to answer this if you don't want to!)

YANBU. I think you should write a letter to them, copy it to several of them, and state what happened at the funeral. If you have other things to add about the will you should write that in too. State your case, walk out but leave the door open so to speak.

Losing half of your family is a big price to pay however absurdly twattish they are. People do stupid things when someone dies. The unwritten rule though, is that if they do, you ignore it and put it behind you. So even if you sat in the 'best pew' (load of bullshit if ever I heard) it should be forgiven and forgotten gracefully.

What you mention about the Will is important and I think that may have something to do with the continued animosity. What happened exactly?

A good friend said to me recently:-

Friends are the family YOU get to CHOOSE

And she's bloody right!

I lost someone special a few years ago, and it tore the family apart. And, I became the scapegoat for everything...! Texts, facebook etc.... Nothing as 'fruity' as what your BIL said, but still... I begame the outsider and could not do anything right... So, I understad how you feel!!!

I deleted and blocked the family involved and some of their friends... BEST thing I ever did!

I wish you well with everything... and thank god for your hubby and family and friends... they are the ones that matter..

xxxx

Vickles - I like "Friends are God's apology for family"

Are you fat? If so he did not lie calling you fat.

If someone called me fat I'd answer yes I am and I'm doing something about it, shame you cannot get a personalit transplant or a bigger cock etc.,

love it 'chitchatinchaos'....it shall be my mantra!!!!!!!
and i shall recite it 3 times a day, whilst dunking a whole packet of digestives in my cup of tea!!!!

Thank you for further replies and I will try to clarify as best I can.

I didn't do anything differently to how I'd normally behave and 'my head was/ is all over the place' was inner turmoil/ struggling to come to terms with having pre-ec, an emergency c-section and then almost carking it the day after having my baby.

I then struggled to bond, struggled to feed and generally struggled to respond to my baby in those early days, and still struggle to forgive myself for being such a crap mother, hence the nickname 'goodmum' which was an attempt to make me feel better. So as you can tell an emotional wreck.

Added to that I went back to work early as hubby's and fils business wasn't doing well and we needed the money. Simple as that.

The will- it is certainly not me driving fil car and wearing diamonds. I drive my own car, earn own money and pay mortgage and bills. Have always been independent and always will be.....could that be part of the problem I wonder? The woman that drives the car and wears the diamonds is the woman who he married just over 2 years ago who never liked me from the start and wasn't keen on my husband either and always seemed to be causing trouble for my hubby and his dad (who he worked for/ with!!) and also for my sil and her dad. I have honestly just tried to be quiet, respectful and dignified but asked aibu as I still got all the backlash so sometimes wished id acted immature and responded.

I also mentioned my sil who was my 'best friend and 'sister' until fil got ill. She also knew what a troubler causer the step-mil was and we used to 'watch each others' backs'. She literally changed the moment he went into the hospice and joined forces with step-mil which came as a total shock to me. Apparently, fil made her promise to look after step-mil no matter what and she decided to take him at his word no matter what the consequences.

Finally, will was amended day before fil died (had three tumours and was on countless forms of pain relief and was very emotional to see) leaving a business and other bits and bobs to sil and step-mil not hubby as promised as he had worked at firm his whole life.

Sorry gone on and on but hopefully have clarified some points. I will never repsond but really would love to and love some of your comments. Be kind as this is bringing it all back, 2011 has honestly been the worst year of my life