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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU regarding DH's Christmas present to me.

125 replies

Yourefired · 13/01/2012 19:33

Ok get the biscuits ready. DH hates shopping and is not very good at it when required to do so. Fast forward to Christmas. I've done all present buying, including my own (I prefer this as I like to get stuff I want at good price). Bought myself some M&S pyjamas, some socks, a £12 scarf and some make-up that I would have bought anyway but just wrapped for something to open in front of family. DH told very clearly I would like some £35 perfume, it's name and where to get it. This was all he had to do. He arrives home on Christmas eve with three libertys bags and puts under tree. I say nothing, wider family staying with us, wrong time etc. Open on christmas morning, there is a cardigan, a scarf and some soap. Soap, fine I can live with, but clothes all wrong for me. Explain very nicely I'd like to return and can I have receipts. Got these this morning as was going in with friend to exchange purchases today. After he'd left for work looked at cost. Cardigan and scarf equalled £1102. I felt sick, we cannot afford this and he knows I'm saving up to buy a piano for the family. Left a very impolite message on his mobile, and went to libertys with friend where all they would do is give me a credit note to be used in 6 months. We hunted round but nothing obvious that was me or my comfortable price bracket. To explain this expenditure will not place us in debt or financial ruin, but delays things like getting piano, cheaper holiday etc. All he could say was I wanted to spoil you. All I can think is it's irresponsible, lazy impulse buying on Christmas eve at a shop I have never shown any interest in on items I have never asked for. Incidentally if anyone is a libertys fan I am happy to sell the credit note for £800.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 13/01/2012 19:36

I love liberty stuff!!

To be honest, I can see both sides here, but am slightly more on your side op!

Maybe email this thread to liberty hq and appeal to better side of their nature for a full refund?? ( as and when the thread gets longer!)

AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating · 13/01/2012 19:38

This reply has been deleted

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OriginalJamie · 13/01/2012 19:40

What a lot of money. Although I know you will get people saying you are ungrateful etc etc, I do know exactly what you mean..

From your POV, he didn't think about what you said you wanted, and that's on top of spending so much money. So does it feel like he doesn't think, doesn't care?

BUT - is it possible, that from his POV he thought that buying you just what said you wanted was unimaginative and therefore unromantic ........ Maybe he thought that you were being a bit self-denying.

OR Maybe he also doesn't like being told what to do, maybe he wanted to make a point about it being assumed that he wouldn't have a clue what to get? Maybe he was trying to take control?

Of course I don't know which of these it is ...

peeriebear · 13/01/2012 19:42

It was a bit completely stupid of him IMO. To gamble over a grand on something you may not like and certainly have expressed no interest in, instead of picking the very thing you ASKED FOR and wanted and which was well within budgets. What was he thinking?!

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 13/01/2012 19:42

{gazes at her £40 Argos bracelet that DP got for Christmas that she loves}
I don't know the answer really! My DP has never bought me anything I don't like as he knows me so well! No help I know, but this,

I am sorry £1102 on a fucking cardigan ... and a scarf?!

I would have wanted the scarf able to fly, carry me and with gold tassles and dripping pearls for that price.

OriginalJamie · 13/01/2012 19:43

I think headless chicken happens to my DH when it come to presents, as well. Not a Grand of headless chicken, but still....

Original poster
Yourefired · 13/01/2012 19:48

Oh and the bar of soap was £24.99. This for a woman who buys Morrison's own brand and whose idea of a treat is babadas bubble bath.

OP posts:
OriginalJamie · 13/01/2012 19:53

So what do you think OP. What is this about? Is the amount he's spent really unusual for him?

crunchbag · 13/01/2012 19:55

It sounds like he wanted to spoil and surprise you, he obviously thinks you are worth more than a £35 perfume :)
Okay he got it completely wrong and was a fool for spending that much on a cardi and scarf, maybe somebody advised him?, but to me it sounds like he genuinely tried to do things different/special this year.

ISayHolmes · 13/01/2012 19:56

Maybe he spent such exorbitant amounts because he equates money with I dunno...how good the present is? How good the person feels when they open it? Christ alive, how could he spend over £1000 and not even take a critical look at what you wear/your style? Shock

I would be very upset at all that money being wasted. And tbh I'd think the "I wanted to spoil you line" was a way of getting out of trouble. Or just him being massively naive.

OriginalJamie · 13/01/2012 19:57

I think that my DH doesn't feel quite right unless he has spent a certain amount of money.

diddl · 13/01/2012 20:00

I´m afraid that my thought would be affair!

Absolute shit that you can´t get money back-I thought they had to give a cash refund-even if only for a limited time.

Original poster
Yourefired · 13/01/2012 20:02

I'm not sure what I think. I know that he is a lovely lovely man who adores me and he just wanted to do something to express this. But another part of me thinks that he's known me long enough (20 years) to know that I hate, really hate, excessive expenditure. I am well known for being a bargain hunter, I never pay full price for anything. I guess the closest I can get to what I think is that in a stupid and ill thought through way he's trying to tell me he thinks I should stop such a tight wad because "I'm worth it". But that he, being a retail hater has gone about this in a very irresponsible way.

OP posts:
diddl · 13/01/2012 20:03

Are family usually there?

Was it for their benefit?

LydiaWickham · 13/01/2012 20:03

Do they sell the perfume you wanted? I'd be tempted to stock up. Add to this, look on their website, is there anything from the homewear you like? It seems easier to spend a lot on stuff you'll keep and use for a long time...

olgaga · 13/01/2012 20:05

YANBU. I'd be thinking WTF is he feeling guilty about? Or was he pissed? I totally understand why you are miffed about this.

He could have bought a nice piece of jewellery for less than half that, but knowing what your priorities are re the piano etc - bonkers!

Fire him.

thepeoplesprincess · 13/01/2012 20:05

Fucking Hell Shock

I thought you were gonna say he'd bought you something from the 99p shop because he thought the £35 perfume was too extravagant.

FabbyChic · 13/01/2012 20:06

Sell the credit note on eBay.

olgaga · 13/01/2012 20:07

You know what diddl you might be on to something re the family comment. Is he the type to make grand gestures, be the "big I am"?

loopsylou · 13/01/2012 20:11

AWWWW consider it from his point of view... He wanted you to feel special and loved and you threw it back in his face! I would never EVER ask someone for a reciept if i didnt like the gift, i would just regift it!

Original poster
Yourefired · 13/01/2012 20:11

No to him having affair, we have a happy marriage. Yes family usually there so not for their benefit. He has form on doing this, but never to this degree before and not since we had a very serious little chat about it 4 years ago, hereafter known as the year of the non-refundable mulberry bag.

OP posts:
diddl · 13/01/2012 20:11

just another thought-do you like any Liberty at all stuff?

I don´t, never been in a store, never mentioned it.

So if husband bought me anything from there I´d be really Confused

NotMostPeople · 13/01/2012 20:11

I think he sounds like an absolute sweetie, he has totally misinterpreted your bargain hunting and thought he'd throughly spoil you. The fact that he got it wrong is irrelevant the intent was lovely.

Annunziata · 13/01/2012 20:11

If he's anything like my DH, he went into get the perfume, couldn't find it/ remember what it was called etc and panicked. You sound a bit over the top TBH.

You could sell the credit note on Ebay.

crunchbag · 13/01/2012 20:15

Him being a retail hater is probably exactly why he got it wrong. Maybe he asked some colleagues/friends for shop recommendations and when he got to the shop he just went with what the salesperson suggested?

What does he do when he buys clothes for himself? Does he look at price tags?

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