to wonder how on earth you fit in after school activities

[onthebus]

So. Last night I realised I was trying to test DS on his times tables while he was in the middle of eating his dinner. This is clearly not ideal.

I am seriously thinking that I need to write work out a detailed time/motion study for each afternoon after school because I just cannot work out how you fit in after school clubs, homework, eating, getting ready for bed. Let alone every having the odd child round to play, or occasionally getting to the library. Yet evidently everyone else manages this.

DS has 4 after school clubs (though 2 are on same day and one which is only for this half term). DD has 3 after school clubs. They only have 1 activity in common (swimming lessons). however 2 of DS's clubs are at his school, straight after school so this only requires picking him up later.

I did wonder if we are doing too much, though they both enjoy everything they do and individually it doesn't seem too bad, it's just the logistics of it all that is problematic. Thought about moving swimming to the weekend though we currently keep weekends free for family time and/or visiting extended family/friends so that would be a hard jump.

On the average evening we need to fit in an after school club (sometimes 2) for 1 or other child, plus homework (around an hour for DS (Y3): reading, tables, spelling, music practice - though less for DD (Y1) who only has reading and spelling), eating a meal, getting ready for bed plus allowing some time just to chat or for the DC to play. Ideally I'd also do some housework (other than cooking) but that seems like a pipe dream.

So is there a way that avoids me collapsing in heap at 8pm and yet gets everything done? Or is that just what everyone does?

An hour's homework a night for year 3 sounds a massive amount. My yr3 son gets one bit a week which takes him half an hour tops.

Honestly it sounds like a bit too much. Music lessons/afterschool activities etc.

How are you in the mornings? Is there the option to do something then? I often do reading or spelling with dd in the morning, it is often much faster as she is fresh. Otherwise we read her book immediately bedtime stories (I read to her) then bed.

Activities can be great, but dont under estimate the importance of free play, they have to be on a schedule all day at school, a break to do what they choose is important. I think it helps behaviour too, they kno wthey have to do the activities they are told at school but can do what they want at home, at least for 2 hours.

Sounds exactly like our house. Dd1 (yr2) has after school clubs at school til 4.30 (I teach elsewhere til 4pm) then it's mad rush home, supper, homework, bath etc to be in bed by 7.15 or else she just can't cope the next day. I'm hoping things will get easier as she is able to stay up a bit longer...

I mean, she reads her reading book to me, then I read her bedtime story...then she goes to sleep.

I think that it is quite hard to help you given that in your OP you do not give us precise days and times of each activity. Yes, you do need to sit down and work out when you are going to do each precise activity (homework, cooking dinner, bath etc) because there is a lot to do.

I think you are dreaming, personally, if you try to do housework as well as all the rest!

Times tables practice in the bath? This seems like a ten minute window of opportunity!

2 after school activities per child max.

Half an hour (or an hour if time) of 'free play' once you all get home. May till 5.15? You do washing or whatever!

General chatting - make them help you prepare supper (a bit anyway!) - this is always good chit chat time.

Supper done by 6.00 so then music practive followed by spelling and maybe tables. Done by 6.45 at the latest.

Then wind-down time. Reading - do at bedtime, in bed.

Tables - in the morning if necessary.

We used to do tables in the car on the way to school. An hour of homework a night does seem a lot in Y3.

DD used to have something every night when she was in Prep school but in Senior School homework tends to take priority.

If the children are happy then I shouldn't worry to much about the housework.

We have always limited each child to two after school or evening/weekend clubs per week. this is quite enough especially as 2 are now in senior school. All 3 in addition have a music teacher who comes to our house once a week and they have a 20 - 30 min lesson with him. that is more than enough and it makes them concentrate on the hobbies they really enjoy and want to committ to rather than butterflying from one thing to another. It also gives them and me time to do the simple things like have a friend over for tea, go out on an evening picnic or night walk. sort it out with the kids now and you will find it better for all of you in the long run

An hour for yr3 is too much.

15 mins music practice a few times a week.
Split the spelling up over the week.
Fit in the times tables when you can.
Reading at bed time.

Batch cook and freeze meals that can go in the oven when you get home, lasagne, shepherd's pie etc. Then you can do homework while it's cooking.

I deliberately restrict out of hours activities and homework (DS is Y7) takes priority. He's pretty good at scheduling his way through that so I leave him to it. I have hobbies of my own which are important to me so, if there's a clash, I win. :) Weekends are reserved for catching up on housework/garden, finishing bigger items of homework, visiting friends and general chilling out. I am not a taxi service. We have occasional evenings where it is a little rushed but if it started to feel like that every day, something would have to go.

My DS has two after school activities, one if football and the other is a writing club at school. We live round the corner from the school and fortunatly the football club use the school facilities. So easy walking distance.

I think 1 hour of homework a night sounds like far too mucb for a child that young. DS school gave him one lot of homework a week at that age. He still doesn't have an hours homework a day and he is in year 6. Can I ask is at an hour a day because you choose an hour a day or are they actual tasks? my friends DC attend a private school and they did have an hour of set work a day.

My DD is a lot older than my DS , 16 year age gap, and she had even less homework and I am so ancient homework apart from reading was never a feature until I went to secondary school.

An hour a night homework is far too much for a child in Yr3. Apart from that, it doesn't seem too tricky. Things like times tables prac or spellings you do on journeys, or, as someone else has said, in the bath. There is a phase (around 6 - 10 yrs of age) when you go through this mania of getting them to places, then they select what they really want to do, and you are also able to do a lot more lift sharing, as they don't actually need to to help with dressing etc. Things also go on later in the evenings so it's not all squashed into such a short space of time. You have to not worry about giving them a 'snack tea' on the most difficult night, too. It doesn't kill them.

Hi,
I would move swimming to the weekend to be honest. I personally, for my kids, think it's too much for them to cope with a full on swimming class, after a full on day at school.

You know what's best for your family.. but the joy of after school activities is that you choose if they want to do it... so, you can dip in and out of them.

By daughter is in Yr 2 (and I have a preschooler and a baby)... and we have no after school activities currently. She does a two hour Musical Theatre club on saturday mornings, which my sister runs... and my husband will try and take her swimming for fun every other weekend.

We used to do sooo many clubs, since reception... but, I just couldn't cope with it. It was too much for me... and to be honest, it was too much for my little girl. She loved her activities, but sometimes she was desperate to just come home and flop, as she was so tired after school.

We will be starting Brownies at some point this year and she's desperate to start Irish Dancing!!! My friend runs a local group. But, then I feel that we'll be back to where we were a year or two ago... doing too much and not quite getting the balance right. But, we'll see... I'm not sure Brownies will be her thing, but we've been on the waiting list for Rainbows for ages, and not she's too old for Rainbows... we're on the waiting list for Brownies, and should get a place at Easter.

We are fairly quiet at weekends, but since taking my oldest (11.30-1.30), and now my pre-schooler (9.30-10.30) to Theatre classes on saturday, it's been quite good fun. As, my husband stays at home with my baby - whilst I run the girls to their classes.. but, I get a couple of hours in town - child free!!! Priceless! (Lol!) Then, we have the afternoon free to visit people or chillax.. then all day Sunday for family time too. I find after school activities hard work to be honest... not a good time, at the end of a child's day.. and to be honest, not a good time for me.. as I'm usually hanging!

But, every family is different, and we all have different limits!!! And, I well and truly know mine...!

I wish you well, and I am sure you will sort it out.
Just be aware of you, and your little one's limits....You know what's best for your family.... xx

If you moved swimming to fairly early on Sat am that might not disrupt the weekends too much? Go to swimming class, then drive straight off to wherever you want to go. Unless you regularly go away for the whole weekend. Might free up a bit of time in the week.

We have a lot of after school activities (their choice not mine).

I get round it several ways.

Music practice is done in the morning before school (15 mins absolute max).

Reading is done at bedtime before their story from me.

One to one chat time in bed at bedtime after story ( I climb in for a cuddle and chat with them - best part of the day usually).

Family chat over meal at night and in the car to and from activities.

Spelling and times tables done all over the place as we potter along eg car, while we wait for a child outside an activity, whilst walking the dog, in the bath etc. I keep it all light hearted and a bit of a game.

Sometimes homework is done outside an activity eg if one is doing something and I have to wait for them the other will do homework then if the situation is suitable.

I often put meals in the slow cooker so they are more or less ready to go in the evening once we get in.

If your child has an hour of homework to do at night I wouldn't recommend doing it all at once either. That is a long time for effective learning (I used to be a teacher). I would try to break it up into smaller chunks and try to disperse them throughout the evening/morning.

The homework is 15 minutes music practice (ok that's not strictly homework), 15 minutes spellings, 15 minutes tables and 15 minutes reading. Granted we probably do less than that on tables and spelling but often more on reading (DS's choice) so I'd say nearer 50 minutes in total. We do split it into at least 2 chunks.

Not awake enough/not enough time to do anything constructive in the morning (occasionally I'll run through a few spellings quickly) and DS leaves at 8.10am anyway so not a great deal of time. He cycles to school (with 2 other children and parents taking turns) so no opportunity to do anything then. DD and DS go to different schools a mile apart which doesn't help!

I think moving swimming to Saturday early on is a good idea and will definitely do this for the next block of lessons.

As an example day, our Wednesdays look like this (in theory)
3pm - pick up DD and her friend from school
3.15pm - get home
3.45pm - take DD and friend to after school club
4.15pm - go and get DS from his after school club
4.45pm - get home with DS (catch up on journey home as just 2 of us)
5.00pm - DD gets home from her club (friend's mum picks her up)
5.00-5.30 - cook tea while DC play
5.30-6.00 - tea (try to have civilised conversation :) )
6.00 - DH gets home
6.00 - 6.45- spelling/tables/music(DS) and spelling and reading (DD) - DH and I split supervising this between us
6.45 - DH goes out (he has a regular activity on Wednedays but only regular night he goes out)
6.45-7.00 - DC get ready for bed (quick wash today - do baths alternate days)
7.00 - DS reads to me then I read to both DC
7.45 (ish) - children in bed (DS tends to read a bit to himself before going to sleep)

So whilst it all fits it just feels like no breathing space at all ...

So 4.15 till 5.00 you just have ds - use this for spelling and times tables then (BTW I think 30 mins a day every day is FAR too much - mine did that a week!). The wneh dh gets in at 6.00 he does music practice and a bit of reading with your dd. You do whatever house work needs doing. All done by 6.30!

That is a workable timetable. I think the crunch comes when you consider how many nights a week are like this and the weigh that up against the sort of children that you have.

Up to 3 nights week I think this would be ok, as long as your dcs aren't showing more than the normal level of tiredness.

My dd would thrive on this schedule. My ds would find it horrendous. Dd therefore has a busier schedule and we do our best to keep ds's as limited as possible.

We knocked activities on the head mostly. Ds is 10 and does tennis after school and then drums but in school hours. He is quite happy with this as it means he also has a mate over to play once a week or he goes to a mate's house. I just don't get all this dashing around after school, it seems mad imo.

It is difficult - it is great for them to have interests outside school but hard to balance them when you have a few children. They may all choose only one or two things but if they are all on different days then you suddenly have a very busy schedule.

When did it become a thing that is expected though? We played after school and if we were lucky had a mate home for tea. I can't ever remember being bored.

We only manage because DD1 (9 tomorrow) goes to bed quite late TBH. She will usually do her homework and music practise between 7.30 and 8.15ish, after DD2 is in bed. I find it's too hectic to help her with things earlier on.

Er, I think you're trying to be way too structured. By year 3, there is no reason your son can't read without you listening to him unless he's dyslexic. You can then talk about the story at tea time to check he's actually been reading. Older DD does violin and tin whistle but doesn't do 15 minutes practice a day for both, she's still passable in lessons (does at least 3x practice a week for each, but not every day). I would also say an absolute max of two after school activities per week per child, otherwise it gets ridiculous. They have plenty of time to try out new things as adults without being hothoused now (though most kids seem to be these days, it's just mad), and universities etc really don't pay that much attention to extracurricular activities (see recent Graun article about Cambridge admissions, they don't even discuss it on the admissions committees), so if you're doing it 'for points' or something then actually it's pointless. I think mine would actually be collapsed with exhaustion within a fortnight trying to pack in so many activities and getting no time to just chill and be a child. I have had to have words with DD about actually reading her reading books and thinking about what goes on in them, rather than just trying to steam through books to up her 'reading tally' or wtfever it is they're doing to encourage reading really fast with no comprehension in schools now, but now she's yr5 and pretty much manages herself when she's not lost her reading diary. Spellings they can also do without much supervision e.g. while you're cooking they could be at the kitchen table doing them with you occasionally helping. As single parent you have to do this kind of thing anyway so it's definitely possible if you have a partner to help somewhat!