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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not feel comfortable about DS having a sleepover?

33 replies

Syd35 · 12/01/2012 15:19

DS is 4 and I have only ever left him a couple of times overnight and that has been with family members.

The mum of one of his nursery friends has asked if he could stay overnight with her DS. They seem a very nice family, but we have only got together outside of nursery about 4 times. On each occassion the two boys are guaranteed to end up falling out and we end up having to cut the play date. short.

I know children often behave better when their parents are not around but guess I'm not totally comfortable with DS staying overnight with people we barely know, DH seems to think it's fine though.

A child-free night does sound appealing but I think I would be fretting all night and not sleep properly. Am I being overly cautious or should I let him go?

OP posts:
Maro11 · 12/01/2012 15:23

I would not consider a sleepover for a 4 year old. My DD is 4 and there is not way I would let her go, I know she would not settle and neither would I

FabbyChic · 12/01/2012 15:24

I think 4 is too young, Id wait until he was 6 at least.

Nixea · 12/01/2012 15:25

YANBU, 4 is far too young in my opinion.

MrsJAlfredPrufrock · 12/01/2012 15:36

I think sleepovers are hideous at any age. I don't mind their friends staying over if it's a convenience thing (setting off at the crack of dawn for a school trip or whatever or catching a plane early or going to a party and friend will miss the last bus home etc) but just recreational sleeping over? Ugh. Why would you do that? They can come for tea and a play and then you can take the child home and they will all sleep better in their owned beds.

At 4 yrs old, going to friends' houses for tea and a play is definitely enough.

Original poster
Syd35 · 12/01/2012 15:37

Glad that others agree with me. I talked to DS about it and he actually said he doesn't want to so that solves that :)

OP posts:
zest01 · 12/01/2012 22:26

we started sleepovers at about 8/9 I would not have let mine sleepover at a friends (relative was ok) at 4 but I know friends who do. Each to their own I guess.

squeakytoy · 12/01/2012 22:31

4 sounds way too young.. he is little more than a baby really..

why the need for sleepovers when they are only just used to sleeping in their own beds at night??

troisgarcons · 12/01/2012 22:43

Age isnt the issue - its the fact they squabble - this is a manufacured friendship between parents.

DS3 (11) has a god-awful little shit "mate" that knocks for him at weekends and demands sleep overs. I refuse on the grounds that he is a little shit difficult and spoilt child who manages to cause maximum disruption and upset up and down the road with all the streets friendships.

SparkleSoiree · 12/01/2012 22:43

YANBU. I would not consider a sleepover at this age.

lazylula · 12/01/2012 22:48

YANBU. Ds1 is 6 and so far the only 'sleepovers' he has had is with his grandparents. His best friend wants him to sleep over but he doesn't want to and although I am very friendly with the parents and trust them ect I would not feel happy yet. There is plenty of time for sleepovers when he is older!

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 12/01/2012 22:48

My DS' 'girlfriend' came for a sleepover at 4 1/2. She wanted to though, and enjoyed it so much she keeps asking to come back :)

MCos · 12/01/2012 23:10

DD1 just had first sleepover at friend's house, she is 9.5.

DD2 is 7, and I don't think she is ready for non-family sleepovers yet.

IMO - 4 is waaaaay too young for a sleepover at friends house.

cece · 12/01/2012 23:16

4 is far too young imo.

DD went on her first one when she was 9 but I only let her go because it was at our neighbours house.
She is 10 now and only been for a couple since then.

DS1 is 8 and no way is he going for a sleep over for a while. He is a terrible sleeper...

grograg · 12/01/2012 23:17

YANBU no way would i let DD's stay anywhere other than my MIL's
DD1 who is 6 keeps asking to have a sleep over but ive said no not until she is atleast 8.

startail · 12/01/2012 23:20

4 is very young, DD2 must have been 6 or 7 the first time. She was a bit scared despite it being to family friends who she's known since she was 7 hours old.

jellybeans · 12/01/2012 23:22

YANBU For me 4 is way too young. Mine are 9 and not been on any yet apart from family. I would let them go now but only just ready.

exoticfruits · 12/01/2012 23:27

Just say that it is something that you are saving for when he is older.

CointreauVersial · 12/01/2012 23:36

Mine probably started sleepovers from about 5/6 onwards. Earlier than some of you on this thread, but they've always been good sleepers, not clingy, and the people they have stayed with have been good friends who I trusted 100%.

We have had their friends to stay too, and there is a huge variation as to when kids are ready for sleepovers. DS1 is 12, and even now has a couple of mates too nervous to stay overnight (or we end up having to take them home at midnight). But DD2's best mate has been happily sleeping over since the age of 6 with no problems at all.

TroublesomeEx · 13/01/2012 06:46

4 is too young for a sleepover with a child you only know through nursery, unless you have become very close with the family.

And if you don't feel comfortable about it, don't do it.

Neither of mine do sleepovers. DS(13) has done in the past, but isn't really bothered. He's a bit of a homebody really.

DD(5) is already asking to, but I think we'll leave it for a bit yet.

Proudnscary · 13/01/2012 06:51

Too young. And just unnecessary - why is everyone so bloody obsessed with sleepovers these days? It's such an annoying trend.

I loathe sleepovers - luckily my two (now 10 and 7) aren't that bothered about having them either. Well my 10 year old ds actively dislikes them because he's a homebody and doesn't really like staying out.

When we have done sleepovers the kids are ruined the next day. Absolutely knackered - there are tantrums and tears etc.

At four, my ds would no way have been ready (though lots of his friends at nursery school had as sleepovers so presumably were - or their parents were eejits)

diddl · 13/01/2012 06:52

I don´t think that being four is a reason to rule it out tbh.

But the fact that he doesn´t want to & the fact that the boys squabble is enough.

My son did a sleepover at Kindergarten at 4 & loved it-but he knew the environment & staff well.

CointreauVersial · 13/01/2012 09:38

The DDs' school do an overnight camp-out on the school field in Y3; it's a warm-up to a two-night trip at the beginning of Y4. DD2 was only 7 at the time, but loved it.

I was quite surprised to find out that some of her classmates had never stayed away from parents before, and ended up homesick and tearful. I think that's a shame, and with some kids it impacts on their ability to enjoy school trips. DS1 is at senior school, and one of his mates has refused to sign up for their trip to Germany in the summer because he can't bear to be away from his mum for 4 nights. A few sleepovers in his younger years would have built up his independence.

Original poster
Syd35 · 13/01/2012 10:34

I did let the other mum know we feel he is too young at the moment. Also he is not reliably dry overnight yet which is another factor.

Strangely, as if to validate my feelings, DS woke at 3am crying and distressed. He had a 40 degree fever (I suspect an ear infection). So glad he was home with us so I could give him Calpol and settle down together in the spare room to keep an eye on him.

OP posts:
seeker · 13/01/2012 10:39

This is a first for me!

Yes, I agree- I wouldn't let you'd ds do this sleepover either!

Scholes34 · 13/01/2012 12:13

Depends totally on the child. DD and DS1 didn't have sleepovers until they were 7/8. DS2 had sleepovers when he was 4/5 with a friend he was particularly close to. He felt totally comfortable with the family, plus they didn't live too far away from us. I don't think you can generalise on age here.

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