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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How to be a good mother with Sharon Horgan

59 replies

pigletmania · 12/01/2012 10:52

Did anyone watch that. It was really interesting, but I can't help how other mothers are being judgemental regarding other mums parenting decisions. There was one on there who was a strong advocate for a natural birth, and kind of blamed her own mother's cesarean for not being close to her . Surely there are different factors why she is not close to her mum, not necessarily the cesarean. It was her own theory, I don't believe she had any research to support her claims.

At the end of the day, you do what you feel is right, nobody gets it perfect, I can't believe how harsh we are on each other.

OP posts:

MrsSleepy · 12/01/2012 10:56

I missed it, Did someone really say that about c-sections?

I had one natural and one c-section and I'm close to both of them, If anything My DS who I had the c-section with is more cuddly with me.

Original poster

pigletmania · 12/01/2012 10:58

I can't remember her name, but she was the 2nd mum and she did, I think that she was the lady who cooked placentas, I was like , how narrow minded of you. It was on C4 last night.

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TroublesomeEx · 12/01/2012 10:58

What element of the CS did she hold responsible? Did her mum find it traumatic and struggle to bond or does she really just equate it to the physical manner of her leaving her mother's body? The former I can understand the latter would be just bollocks. Frankly.

I didn't watch it. I don't like other people's parenting choices being held up either for other's to ridicule or feel intimidated by.

I agree. Parenting is such a personal choice and dependent on so many factors.

EdithWeston · 12/01/2012 10:59

You might be interested in the long thread in Telly Addicts here, and I think there's one in chat as well (posters might not put their comments on multiple threads, so it's probably worth having a look yonder who watched and what's already been said).

Original poster

pigletmania · 12/01/2012 11:01

folkGirl I cannot remember word for work, but she talked about baby being ripped out of the womb, the surgeon is the first face the baby sees, and as a result there are chemical imbalances that can affect bonding. She did not have any research that supported it.

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Original poster

pigletmania · 12/01/2012 11:01

Thanks edith I did not know where to look so started my own thread.

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Original poster

pigletmania · 12/01/2012 11:05

and she said that she was not particularly close to her mother, and attributed it to her having a c section. My mum had a c section with me, I am not particularly close to her but not because of that, there is a 42 year old age difference, and our personalities clash.

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TroublesomeEx · 12/01/2012 11:13

@ the surgeons face being the first the baby sees. What about eyes closed, full of gunk, can't focus.

That's just nonsense!

Not doubting that she isn't close to her mum, but the method of her delivery and that alone is irrelevant. It has just given her something to hang her feelings on IMO.

My DD was born by EMCS. I don't feel any differently about her than I do about DS who was a VB.

My mum had my brother and I naturally and she isn't close to either of us.

NinkyNonker · 12/01/2012 11:15

It was intended as a 'let's sneer at the alternative types', not surprised some were alternative in their views.

Perhaps her mother had said that the cs left her struggling to bond or some such? I know a friend feels that v strongly at the mo.

EdithWeston · 12/01/2012 11:17

I think an AIBU thread would be quite different to a Telly Addicts one!

I saw only the second half of the programme (after spotting the thread here!)

Even allowing for the general truth that it will have been edited to suit the programme makers agenda (and there might be participants with the it Head's in their hands today feeing sadly misunderstood), it does seem that there were some very, um, decided approaches shown.

TroublesomeEx · 12/01/2012 11:18

Maybe Ninky - as I said, that is understandable, but just assuming that it is the physical process of CS over VB that makes the difference is nonsense.

FWIW, the last time I looked babies popped out of 'down there'. So surely their mother's face still isn't the first one they see!

Original poster

pigletmania · 12/01/2012 11:21

As it was a programme with mums who do have alternative and extreme views I would not be surprised, but its fine do what you think is best with your own child, but don't judge harshly on others who do not share or follow your views. I have heard on MN that here are women that share this womans views on CS, who are usually found talking at NCT antenatal classes. Those mums who do not live up to expectation are looked down upon. My view is as long as you have an alive baby in your arms, it does not matter one jot.

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Original poster

pigletmania · 12/01/2012 11:23

I am nearly due and would love a relaxing water birth at hospital, like the woman on One Born Every Minute this week, but if dc has to be born via CS so be it, he is more important than what I would like.

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aldiwhore · 12/01/2012 11:31

Pigletmania Your above post is good. I wanted water birth and whale song, I didn't get it, I was very sad to have to accept all the drugs going (narrowly avoided a c-sec but had already decided that I had to do what needed to be done).

Keep that attitude. Screw other judgey narrow-minded mums. Its good to have ideals, but sometimes it just doesn't happen the way you wish.

I hope for you that you get the birthing experience you want, I am heartened that you are bracing yourself for the possibility that it won't happen. Good luck!

YANBU.

Diamondback · 12/01/2012 11:32

I gave birth 'naturally' (with a bit of help from forceps), so the first thing my baby saw when she came out was my ass . It's really helped us to bond in a meaningful way...

Original poster

pigletmania · 12/01/2012 11:34

Exactly aldi you cannot predict what will happen. I was reading another post from a MN about her water birth at home, or rather her friends one. What she got was totally different, blue lighted from her home to the hospital, major blood loss, and both mum and baby nearly died. Thank goodness all turned out fine, and baby is doing well I believe. Yes have hopes and ideals but don't expect them to come true. The baby and its wellbeing is paramount, and if you need a c section to get it out fast so be it.

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guinealady · 12/01/2012 11:38

I think the programme was meant to be funny (and I do think Sharon Horgan is funny) - while some of the reactions were clearly meant to be 'let's laugh at these women and their wacky ideas', when confronted with the natural birth woman Horgan did seem to be properly stunned and genuinely angry at the idea a woman who could quite happily say 'My mother gave birth to me via CS and I don't think we ever properly bonded'.

I felt so much anger on behalf of CS mums I know (including my SiL) who clearly adore their children and their children adore them!

GypsyMoth · 12/01/2012 11:40

Have we found out who the MNer is yet!!!

She openly showed sharon her mumsnet app on iPhone!

MixedBerries · 12/01/2012 11:42

I saw it. The woman clearly had an agenda and had very strongly held opinions that pay no heed to facts, science or medical knowledge. She also thought that taking freeze-dried placenta capsules throughout life was a great idea as they would contain beneficial hormones that would even help you through the menopause. Hmmmmm.

TroublesomeEx · 12/01/2012 11:48

pigletmania My view is as long as you have an alive baby in your arms, it does not matter one jot.

Absolutely. My daughter was born by EMCS on a Friday after concerns were raised at a re-arranged scan. We were told that had the scan taken place on the Monday as originally planned, we'd have lost her. I don't care how she came out!

Would CS have been my preferred method of delivery? No, it wouldn't.

Am I going to feel inferior or like a failure for not going au naturale? Hasn't occurred to me even for a second.

Good luck with your birth!

Oggy · 12/01/2012 12:03

I don't think they were all "lets laugh at them" types.

The placenta lady was clearly there for shock value but I thought the homeschooler with a million children on first was absolutely fabulous, I was uite in awe of her.

Oggy · 12/01/2012 12:03

Also the attatchment parenting, evacuation pooing lady was quite judgmental too IMO.

Kayano · 12/01/2012 12:08

I was shocked at the csection comment!

I wonder what her narrow minded views would be on adopted children considering I never got to meet my mum til I was 6 months old!

Could I not possibly bond with her? I was so for everyone who has had a csec or couldn't have a child 'naturally'. Grrrr

My mum is my best friend and I am so glad she doesn't watch this

mrsjay · 12/01/2012 12:14

I saw the other thread and saw it had LOADS of posts glad this 1 is here , and say what i have too before it gets lost i found it really interesting and although some of them were extreme the potty lady was really intense but it works for them . I didnt see the stripper i missed that bit , I did think placenta mum was bonkers im sorry but she had some issues going on , I think her c section and her mum comments were heartless and just a bit weird , but i didnt TUT as much as i thought i would ,

Haziedoll · 12/01/2012 12:17

Will have to watch it on iplayer although I fear my blood pressure will rise when the anti csection is spouting her views.

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