Have a nasty feeling IABU - MIL inviting a friend round while babysitting

[ScooterJuice]

MIL very kindly offered to babysit the DCs this evening. The usual way it goes is, we take her out for dinner at the local pizza express with the DCs and then she comes back to ours, we do bath and she babysits while we go to the cinema. We always leave a bottle of wine in the fridge for her and she says she loves spending the time with the DCs.

So this was the plan this evening. DH got an email about 15 minutes ago saying she'd invited a friend of hers over to keep her company while she babysat and they were hoping to join us at PE as well. We have met this friend before but don't really know them.

My main issue is that the house is a bit of a mess and I KNOW MIL goes 'exploring' when she babysits - things in our bedroom moved around, the older DC has said that granny was looking in the cupboards etc. My housekeeping is patchy at best and post-xmas it's pretty messy here (and we have a load of stuff down from the loft being sorted through in the playroom etc).

Of less importance is my kneejerk reaction to MIL babysitting with a friend after YEARS ago when DD2 was a baby she had a (different), friend round and they drank too much and when DH and I got home DD2 hadn't been allowed to sleep and had been dressed up and was massively overtired and upset. But that was years ago, no suggestion anything like that would happen this time.

AIBU to tell DH I don't want to go out anymore?

Yanbu.

Why do you leave wine out?

What you are saying is literally
"Come get drunk and look after our dc under the influence" Hardly the message you want to give out? It is babysitting, not party time!!

I think on balance, YABU not to want to go out anymore. The poking about is a separate issue - address that another time.

At least you have a chance to vet this friend first, if you decide over dinner that you're not comfortable about the situation, you can find a dough-ball related funny turn coming on and insist you can't face the cinema. He might become a permanent fixture, so possibly best to tackle it head on now?

Yanbu. I would tell mil that sorry but u don't really want extra guests in the house due to you having a clear out and that it will unsettle the kids!

I think YABU - she did something silly a long time ago. Why don't you or DH "jokingly" reply it's OK to bring a friend as long as she doesn't do what she did before. She doesn't sound like she's always so silly and we can all be silly at times.

The poking about I would hate though but would deal with as separate issue.

What chundle said

I don't think she's going to get pissed and she rarely has more than a glass of wine if she's on her own.

I don't want someone I don't know in my house poking around (there is no way MIL won't want to show this friend, for example, the bit of coving that came down in the spare room. She's obsessed with it), and judging me on the messy house.

I think the issue is that I am not happy with the state of the house (would've spend today tidying if I'd known this was going to happen), and I think MIL should've asked not told AND that she should've given more warning.

DH will think the above is silly and a waste of an opportunity to go out though.

yabu. Surely she's allowed some company when she's doing you a favour so you can go out

The friend is apparently turning up any second (to be bought food by us!), and expecting to be spending the evening with MIL which they will either do at ours or at hers (if we cancel).

Have said to DH he should offer MIL the cinema tickets (which I have already bought, sigh).

Hmm I can see why you're torn. On balance I'd say fuck it, your house is messy your MIL is nosy busybody but at least you're getting to go out for the evening! Please note my opinion may be coloured by the fact that the last time I had a night out was about 6 months ago.

BTW in your position I would be asking DH to have a serious word about the poking about - that is extremely rude. In fact, I have such a wide cheeky streak that I would say to MIL's friend at dinner "You know, don't you {friend} that [MIL] likes poking around our house when we're out? Yeah, when we come home we find that stuff has been moved. I'm glad you're there tonight, it might stop her from being so nosy."

Does it really really matter to you if your MIL shows her friend the coving that's come down in the spare room?

If it does then you probably shouldn't go out, I suppose, but it seems a shame. With my MIL I would email her and say 'that's fine but you have to promise not to show her the broken coving or the messy cupboard under the stairs!'

The obvious answer is dont live in a shit hole.

It's too late, DH is with her now eating.

It does matter to me. I was okay with MIL (known quantity) being here but clearly not with the friend. Also I am annoyed MIL is expecting us to buy the friend dinner and that she didn't ask if it was okay and and and.

FOR ME it's easy as I won't enjoy the film, I'll be stressing. But H doesn't care so it's not easy for him.

Huge dildos left in every cupboard so she's got something to show her friend?

Thanks Fabby but not much I can do in 40 minutes to deshittify it. Appreciate the input though!

you have to take her to PE, provide a bottle of wine, do the DCs baths etc so that you can go to the cinema to come home and find she's been nosing around your things?

Seriously forget all of that just get them ready for bed and pay a babysitter. Will work out cheaper and less the hassle of her going through your stuff.

Bloody hell Fabby... in with both feet as usual

I've mentioned it. She gets offended. She was looking for something, or one of the DCs said they needed something and that it was there or something.

Usually it's that she needs a duvet for the sofa (we aren't out very late!), or a pillow or whatever. I now leave a duvet and pillow folded neatly on the sofa in the living-room. Last time she said she wanted a book to read as she couldn't work the remote.

brass my feelings too but she loves the DCs and they love her babysitting. She reads them loads of stories and stuff. So it feels 'nicer' than paying a sitter.

obviously it's screwed this time but next time......babysitter and I would be severely hacked off that the friend was expecting a meal as well. It would be a firm No.

Can I ask how you know that you as expected to pay for the friend's meal?

Close the door to your bedroom and put a sign up saying "Do Not Enter"

I was thinking the same thing - if I was the friend I'd be chipping in with the bill.