Have a nasty feeling IABU - MIL inviting a friend round while babysitting

[ScooterJuice]

MIL very kindly offered to babysit the DCs this evening. The usual way it goes is, we take her out for dinner at the local pizza express with the DCs and then she comes back to ours, we do bath and she babysits while we go to the cinema. We always leave a bottle of wine in the fridge for her and she says she loves spending the time with the DCs.

So this was the plan this evening. DH got an email about 15 minutes ago saying she'd invited a friend of hers over to keep her company while she babysat and they were hoping to join us at PE as well. We have met this friend before but don't really know them.

My main issue is that the house is a bit of a mess and I KNOW MIL goes 'exploring' when she babysits - things in our bedroom moved around, the older DC has said that granny was looking in the cupboards etc. My housekeeping is patchy at best and post-xmas it's pretty messy here (and we have a load of stuff down from the loft being sorted through in the playroom etc).

Of less importance is my kneejerk reaction to MIL babysitting with a friend after YEARS ago when DD2 was a baby she had a (different), friend round and they drank too much and when DH and I got home DD2 hadn't been allowed to sleep and had been dressed up and was massively overtired and upset. But that was years ago, no suggestion anything like that would happen this time.

AIBU to tell DH I don't want to go out anymore?

First snort of the night courtesy of Fabby

I wouldn't leave wine if you're concerned about her getting tipsy. Could you leave some nice chocs or something instead - and a book of course .

I wouldn't worry too much about the mess. If your mil is likely to be pointing it out to her she'll probably gossip about it to her anyway.

I agree with others that a babysitter is the way to go in future.

Absolutely miranda. Not sure many people I know would go out with people they don't know and not at least try to pay for their share.

However, I do also think that somethimes MILs family need to be told where the boundariues are - " We prefer that people don't go in our bedroom" etc.

I was staggered that my mother said to me that her friend liked the picture on DD's wall. DD was 17 at the time, she & Mum's friend hadn't met, yet mum had shown her into DDs bedroom (and ours too, probably) while we were all out. This from someone (my mum) obsessed with privacy - but we're family, so didn't count .

Tabby

I would be pissed off at the friend coming to dinner too.

Ffs obviously I meant yanbu not tabby!

Unless you or the kids have been ill I don't understand how your house can get so messy. I've never understood people who allow their home to become such a tip that someone showing up without notice would cause a problem. It takes a few minutes to clear toys, bibs, bottles. How do people not stay on top of it?!

YANBU This would annoy the hell out of me. All of it.

Meal for 2 at PE must be at least £20. Get a babysitter, it won't cost much more.

YANBU in the slightest. I would be annoyed on a number of levels:

1. That she has invited a friend out to dinner, expecting you to pay for them. Erm, that's rather rude actually.

1. I would be upset that she had invited somebody round without clearing it with me first - it's not unreasonable to want company, but it is rude IMO to not ask you first.

1. The snooping is a while other issue. I have a friend who likes to do an inspection of my house every time she visits, including those rooms which I've shoved all the clutter in before she arrives and have expressly asked her to not go in . Winds me up

Maybe it's time to find a new babysitter

I realise it's too late now, but next time, you should get an envelope, write PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL on it, get a bit of paper, write STOP LOOKING THROUGH MY PRIVATE STUFF MIL! IT IS REALLY IGNORANT. put it in the envelope (don't seal the envelope) and put it in a drawer.

[evil]

OP YANBU

Coral toes. I am sooo glad you won't be coming to my messy house. I am obviously a slattern who does nothing but sick on my backside all day and MN or I just count some things as more important than housework.

JustHecate

The house isn't dirty but it is very cluttered. We're working on it but that's made things look worse (stuff down from the loft, big bags of clothes 'for charity shop', 'ebay', 'freecycle' etc). I can't make it acceptable TO ME in the time I have - Dh has a much higher tolerance.

I do have some physical limitations (can't get up into the loft myself for example), but that just makes tidying slower not impossible. Our main problem is that we have too much stuff. In the past I might've gotten a big box and swept all the stuff on the surfaces into the box and then hidden it in the spare room. But my new years' resolution was to sort the house out properly and I don't want to do that this time.

The friend MIGHT offer to pay for themselves. It hasn't happened any other time we've seen this friend but it might happen. However MIL just announced the friend was coming/staying and I think she should've asked.

For me what makes it easy is that I would NOT enjoy going to the cinema in these circumstances. I feel very very U though as DH has no such problem. he won't go to the cinema alone or ask another friend, I suggested that.

JustHecate hahahahahhahahahahhaahah!!!! I am so doing that!!!!!!!!

I also found TWO vibrators in one of the boxes from the loft and am going to put them in my bedside drawer for next time.

Do it.

What can she say without outing herself as a horrible snooper

Could I put some glitter or something in the envelope, the sort that sticks to everything, so I know she's looked?

This would wind me up too. My in-laws have a snooping habit too and it's SO intrusive.

I think all you can do (if you don't want to pay a professional babysitter in future) is to get your dh to have a quiet word at some point to say that you were very uncomfortable having a stranger in your house and it spoilt your evening, so no more guests in future please.

heehee. Oh yes, that would be so much fun.

Imagine her trying to hoover it all up in a right panic

You know we're both headed straight for hell, don't you?

I would rather pay a babysitter than have some relative going through my stuff and moving things

If you are going to put a do not enter sign up I think you should go old skool. Draw a picture of mil on it with a big cross through it, 'nosey parkers stink', that kind of thing.
And maybe some Dennis the menace style traps. Bag of flour balanced on the door, something along those lines.

Do the James Bond trick of pulling a hair out of DH's your head, licking it and sticking it to your bedroom door and frame. If it's broken she's been in!

How old are your dc? Could you not find a local teenager and save yourself all this stress?

I would be leaving a trail of unsuitable items in drawers, and sticking a hair to the door frame of every room so I could see where shed been. Living hectates idea and the glitter.

Mind you, I have form with snoopers. When I suspected a colleague in it support was actually reading all our emails and using her findings as gossip fodder rather than just monitoring the traffic, I sent myself a job offer from a different email address. Oddly I git the payrise I'd been requesting.

Can one buy those ink pack things they allegedly have in banks that explode when money is stolen?

YABU to not go out
YANBU to be uncomfortable with MIL's snooping babysitting methods
YABU to aske her for a favour and want her to do things your way though

Find a local teenager to come round and have hot sex with her boyfriend on your shag pile carpet look after your children