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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my 9 year old son should not push his brothers head under the water in the pool?

61 replies

QuintessentiallyShallow · 10/01/2012 22:36

Is this a normal thing to do?

I was livid. Ds2 was spluttering. He is learning crawl, and he accidentally bashed his older brother, who proceeded to duck him. He was really scared, and could not reach the bottom of the pool, and about a meter from the edge. Dh was a little distance away, but managed to stop it.

Do boys usually do this when playing and swimming in a pool? Is it to be expected?

Not sure that we are abit OTT regards to punishment. He is to to pay all his birthday and Christmas money to a suitable charity that supports people whose family members have drowned (if there is such a charity)

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 10/01/2012 22:37

Do boys usually do this when playing and swimming in a pool? Is it to be expected?

No, but children tend to do it...until they are warned about the dangers and suitably told off.

ChasingSquirrels · 10/01/2012 22:38

I think that is totally normal, my 9yo would do it to his nearly 6yo brother.
I would be cross with him, and tell him so, and make him say sorry - and that would be it.

To me, making him pay out all his birthday and Christmas money would be way OTT.

AKMD · 10/01/2012 22:38

You must be terribly shocked or you wouldn't even ask. It sounds like horseplay gone too far to me but I think your punishment should impress on your DS how serious it was and that he is never, ever to do anything like it again. You might 'refund' half his money next week though...

TheButterflyEffect · 10/01/2012 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scurryfunge · 10/01/2012 22:39

Very ott with the punishment. I hope you are joking with that one. Just tell him off and explain the dangers.

squeakytoy · 10/01/2012 22:40

It normal. Perfectly normal. And your punishment is ridiculously harsh ffs!

larks35 · 10/01/2012 22:40

No experienced answer to give, but yes your DS1 was out of order! Whilst I quite like the underlying message in your punishment it does seem a bit severe and will probably be counter-active in a way (make him "hate" his lil' bro' even more). How about you ask him to make a donation to the RNLI, let him choose the amount and send it off.

aldiwhore · 10/01/2012 22:41

Well I think the punishment is absolutely OTT. Unless it was a second offence.

For a first offence it is normal I think, but should be dealt with via stern words and apology, as though its normal, its not acceptable.

I would have been livid also. But I'm sorry your reaction was way overboard. He did a stupid thing without thinking, a potentially dangerous and stupid thing that upset his brother. I'm only going off my sons (who do stupid things to each other occassionally which I don't tolerate) and they would understand the severity of the situation from our behaviour, quick removal from the pool, and long talking to.

Unless you think he intended to kill his brother, in which case he should be in jail.

I think YABU in you rpunishment, but YANBU to think your son shouldn't have done it.

Original poster

QuintessentiallyShallow · 10/01/2012 22:43

Totally shocked. Dh was with them at the other side of the pool. I was attending an aqua exercise session.

There is a backstory though. My ds1 totally loves and adores his little brother, but he can be very impulsive and thoughtless. Like once we were out for a walk, and ds2 was running ahead. I called out to stop on the junction. Ds1 shouts "no, cross the road, cross the road". There was a van parked, so there was no way ds2 would be able to see if it was clear. I yelled, "NO, DONT CROSS!" and ds started laughing saying "YES, JUST CROSS THE ROAD". Naturally, I was furious. I thought we had instilled in him care and attention then, so was really shocked today. (3 months later) Are kids this thoughtless??

I dont think he has wish to kill his brother.

OP posts:

troisgarcons · 10/01/2012 22:43

Well, WWYD? My sons were in a hotel pool and a blue rinsed old dear took his float away and held him under then swam off

So its not just siblings or children who have no water manners

larks35 · 10/01/2012 22:44

counter-active?? I meant counter-productive of course.

Oh and I agree with others that though ducking is out of order, it is quite normal, happened to me all the time - I had 3 older siblings who often just took it in turns.

Original poster

QuintessentiallyShallow · 10/01/2012 22:45

troisgarcon, the bluerinse should know better. But then, judging by her hair, maybe not.

OP posts:

AKMD · 10/01/2012 22:45

trois I would possibly have drowned her for real.

WorraLiberty · 10/01/2012 22:46

How old are your DS's?

ChasingSquirrels · 10/01/2012 22:47

I am only really talking about my own kids.
But my 9yo, if bashed by his smaller brother, would very likely do similar back - and in a pool that would involve ducking.

I don't know if I am missing the seriousness of this, as your description sounds like something normal, and yet your reaction sounds like it was a deliberate attempt to drown him.

Did he duck him briefly or hold him under for a sustained period? These would be very different actions, and tbh if the former while I would tell off, I would just see it as part of general horseplay. The later would get a different reaction from me. But I read your description as the former, hence my initial response.

Original poster

QuintessentiallyShallow · 10/01/2012 22:49

He held his head under water, for around 6 seconds. When dh got there, ds2 was crying and red in the face, gasping for air and struggled to keep himself afloat. He was struggling. They are 9 and 6.

OP posts:

Selks · 10/01/2012 22:49

Wow, we'll OTT punishment! Presents are presents - its unfair to remove them as punishment.

Selks · 10/01/2012 22:50

(but it does need punishing......disclaimer)

silverfrog · 10/01/2012 22:57

hmm, initially I thought you were being a bit harsh.

but 6 seconds is actually quite a long time. I wouldn't want ot be held under the water, struggling, for 6 seconds. and at age 9, it would not have occurred to me to do so.

A quick shove back, or splash, or even a sudden ducking is one thing - a sustained, calculated holding under is not funny at all. I would absolutely come down hard on behaviour like that.

Bestb411pm · 10/01/2012 22:58

Maybe enrol him on a junior life-guard/st johns first aid course paid for by his money?

Original poster

QuintessentiallyShallow · 10/01/2012 23:01

Best, that is a good idea.

The thing is, a quick duck is one thing. I sustain long head under water is quite another in my opinion.

I am not sure that he is just silly, or cruel, or a bit of both.

OP posts:

tigerlillyd02 · 10/01/2012 23:01

Wow, we'll OTT punishment! Presents are presents - its unfair to remove them as punishment.

I disagree. Most xbox's, phones, computers, toys and the likes are presents. Doesn't stop many parents removing as a form of punishment.... just because it's actual money, whats the difference?

Anyway, in regards to the OP - for a first offence, perhaps the punishment is a little harsh. But certainly acceptable for a second offence of the same thing. I'd imagine a stern talking to would do the trick for now. However, there's only so much talking one can do before having to take proper action and in this case the punishment fits the crime, so to speak. Anyone would swear OP had beaten him judging by the responses here.

WorraLiberty · 10/01/2012 23:02

Apart from the pool incident, why would a 9yr old child encourage his brother to run across a road, having been told twice by you not to...if he 'loves and adores his little brother'?

To me, that isn't normal behaviour at all.

Original poster

QuintessentiallyShallow · 10/01/2012 23:02

I dont make much sense. I mean, a long lasting hold of head under the water quite another.

I give up, I cant phrase it properly.

OP posts:

antsypants · 10/01/2012 23:02

My younger brothers used to be terrible for things like that, Once, one tried to persuade the other to set thee fire extinguisher off in his mouth (caught in the nick of time) the best being one persuading the other to put a whole snooker ball in their mouth... That was only a couple of months ago

I think a telling off and small punishment would have been sufficient mind, to take all their Xmas money away seems unnecessarily harsh.

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