To wonder why DH's/DW's/DP's don't just shag each other more?

[ForNowYouKnow]

Would solve a lot of heartache, frustration, infidelity and general angst.

I appreciate some people can't due to illness, not talking about that. Nor am I talking about people who have experienced trauma and abuse. I'm talking about generally 'healthy' couples.

Speaking from my own personal viewpoint, I love my DH but he's got a low sex drive...and to put not too fine a point on it, I'm considering options.

If he wanted it more, this would be resolved. An easy solution wouldn't you think? For anyone in this situation.

Namechanged obv.

Speaking from my own personal viewpoint, I love my DH but he's got a low sex drive...and to put not too fine a point on it, I'm considering options.

That's what everybody in the situation does. It's just that you are not allowed to say it.

I'm lucky that me and DH are both on the same wavelength

both lazy, overweight and not overly interested

We all have needs and different drives. One of the reasons why I finished with my ex was that he couldn't keep up. Having said that he was an arse. If your dh is otherwise lovely might be worth going to therapy before breaking his heart.

Being rejected sexually is alos heart breaking mind.

Kayano's post

What whatmeworry said.

If Dh wanted me more our relationship would be 1000000 times better. It is breeding resentment which is not a good thing.

Everyone wants to feel wanted.

It is heartbreaking, and so bloody easily fixed. I just don't get it. If I didn't feel like it, but he was really keen, I'd just do it..why not?

I do say it. He laughs.

You get rejected so many times it makes you feel worthless, and then someone else shows you some interest, affection, makes you feel good and before you know it ......

I think the problem occurs when the couple's libidos are mismatched or out of sync. If neither of you can be bothered, or both are gagging for it, it's not a problem. It isn't the shagging, per se, it's the feeling of rejection/pressure when one wants it more than the other.

It's getting to a stage where I actually don't want to, because I have been rejected for so long

I'm not expecting chandelier exploits...just 5 mins of, well, anything. Seriously..some might see it as pressure but I see it as giving a shit about someone you're supposed to love.

Perhaps he's thinking, 'if she wanted it less, this would all be resolved. An easy solution wouldn't you think.'

I know that feeling Geordie. If you reached out to someone else I would applaud you, honestly. It's such a shit way to live.

Wanting less? More like "not wanting it at all"

i agree!

everything is good about (good) sex....it makes you feel closer, and the more you have it the more you want it, the more you have it the more you fancy your dp/dh and the more you fancy your partner the more you have sex so the more you feel closer. so its like a self fulfilling prophecy if that makes sense? :o

I think he's thinking 'I can't be arsed. Goodnight'.

I think the less you have sex, the less you need sex.

It's easy to get lazy about it.

I agree, if people put themselves out a bit more (if they know being so often rejected hurts their DP) they'd probably remember what it was they enjoyed about it and do it more often.

oh god sorry really must learn to read full thread before posting :(

Exactly WorraLiberty..DH should put himself out for the greater good, because it would make me happy.

I do stuff every day for him that I don't want to do. I wash his clothes, cook meals, do all sorts of crap for him that I seriously can't be arsed to do. And yes, I really do believe that is a valid comparison.

Misty what you said is true though, just that OP and others here are experiencing the opposite set up in all the ways you describe

Yes it is true Misty, so why can't people see it and put in the effort, even if they don't really feel like it.

The other side of the coin though...

My DH wouldn't want sex with me if he knew I wasn't really keen on having it

He just really wouldn't enjoy it, so would see it as pointless.

But the problem would still be there with the miss matched labido I suppose?

I know what you mean, but I would probably make out I was reasonably keen on the idea, for his sake.

I would still jump at the opportunity even if he wasn't that enthused!