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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to consider getting dd, 10, to walk home and let herself after school, one night a week?

60 replies

ElaineReese · 10/01/2012 18:30

I did ask this on an old thread, but it was in its death throes, so I'm going to ask again if that's alright.

It turns out I have a seminar group from 2.30 to 4pm one night a week this semester - starts 1st Feb. Dd, in year 6, finishes school at 3.15.

Sometimes she walks halfway home if I'm not going to be back for 3.15 and dd1 meets here there, as her school is halfway between primary and home - unfortunately on this day, dd1 has an afterschool activity she can't change. So dd2 would have to do the rest of the walk (cross a big road at proper crossing, then straight to our road), let herself in, and wait for about 45 minutes until I got in.

She's a sensible girl and I trust her, but not, of course, traffic and Other People. I'm also concerned that she'd be lonely and worried in the house alone. I could feasibly work at home until my seminar, and make sure I left her a note and a snack ready - just not sure this is quite good enough.

WWYD, please?

OP posts:

MrsMcEnroe · 10/01/2012 18:33

I wouldn't rule it out straight away.

How mature is your DD?? Is she used to crossing big roads on her own? How does she feel about letting herself into the house on her own?

I'd like to think that I could do this with my DCs at the age of 10/11. Not sure if DS will be mature enough though!

sandyballs · 10/01/2012 18:34

I think that sounds fine and good preparation for secondary school in Sept. 45 minutes is not that long. is she happy with this though? i have two ten year old girls and i leave one alone regularly for shopping trips etc and she loves it. her sister hates the thought of being home alone though, so it does depend on the child.

Sirzy · 10/01/2012 18:35

How long will it take you to get home after your seminar? Do you have a neighbour likely to be about as a point of contact for her if she has a problem?

If you trust her to be sensible and she is happy I would try it. Why not let her walk home alone before then and see how that goes?

Original poster

ElaineReese · 10/01/2012 18:35

Reasonably mature - but a worrier. There's a biggish road she crosses right near school, and she's very good about waiting for the green man etc. I haven't mentioned it to her yet as I'm still hoping I can find an alternative - but most of her friends go to football on Tuesdays, and she hates it, so I'm a bit stuck!

OP posts:

Original poster

ElaineReese · 10/01/2012 18:37

sandy I do leave her if I have to nip to the shop and she's fine with that.. this seems a bit of a leap though (will be a good ten minutes cycle away from uni).

Yes, I could probably ask the neighbour, if she's in - she's a very nice woman who I'm sure would keep an ear out, but I guess that depends whether she's home at that time.

OP posts:

laluna · 10/01/2012 18:37

My DD is 10 too and I wouldn't have a problem with this.

FiveHoursSleep · 10/01/2012 18:40

It depends on the child.
I have a Year 5 10 year old and I would let her do it in a heartbeat, in fact she walks herself to piano lessons and back.
But I also have an 8 year old who won't be doing anything like this until she is 17.

PeanutButterCupCake · 10/01/2012 18:42

My gut feeling is YABU, am sure lots of people will disagree with me.
I personally wouldn't

spicyorange · 10/01/2012 18:44

My dd is ten soon and in sept my other dd starts another school so from this point my eldest will be walking herself which she does already but will have to let her self in.

FabbyChic · 10/01/2012 18:45

My children when they got to year 6 walked home and let themselves in they have to grow up before going to Seniors, they crossed main roads too at the crossing.

Its about time you let her do this, they had their own keys too.

FabbyChic · 10/01/2012 18:46

Oh and my kids are now 23 and 18!

Original poster

ElaineReese · 10/01/2012 18:47

I guess the hesitancy is because with dd1 there was a natural changeover when she moved to secondary when she did have to start doing things like this, but that has come slightly earlier for dd2 because of this timetabling - probably just the psychological difference between years 6 and 7, I suppose.

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 10/01/2012 18:48

So one day they are old enough and yet the day before they arent? Just cos they gone to seniors? Mental. Let her do it now she is plenty old enough, she could do chores for you too, sometimes mine would run the hoover round.

CharminglyOdd · 10/01/2012 18:51

If she is comfortable with it then let her. Alternative could be if there is something she could do after school - library? - that would keep her occupied.

Original poster

ElaineReese · 10/01/2012 18:53

No, that isn't what I'm saying Fabby - I think, however irrational it might be, we tend to be encouraged to see year 7 as a rite of passage in 'growing up', when suddenly school don't expect to see you in the morning or at pick-up time, and obviously that rubs off. In year 6, they are a primary school child and still part of a world in which mums come and collect more often than not.

I don't think I'm being mental, tbh.

It's also a longer walk - and at secondary, not only will it be a shorter walk but loads of kids will be doing it at the same time, whereas from primary she may not have anyone to walk with.

OP posts:

Original poster

ElaineReese · 10/01/2012 18:55

charmingly if only - it would be after school club, football or nothing if she hung around school - otherwise all the mums would probably turn up late knowing offspring were safe and warm in the library!

OP posts:

teahouse · 10/01/2012 18:58

I'd be Ok with this. Maybe leave a snack out for her for when she gets home, or allow her to make toast - she could always text you so you know she's back safe.
Just been through something similar with my 17 yr old who has a motorbike...now there's worry!

RitaMorgan · 10/01/2012 18:59

If you/she are unsure about this, how about paying an older girl or 6th former from the secondary school to meet her half-way, walk the rest of the way home and stay with her for an hour?

Flisspaps · 10/01/2012 19:01

I'd let her. At 11 (so not much older!) I had to walk from school to the main bus station in town, collect my primary school siblings from their bus and then walk us all home, and supervise them for an hour or do until my stepdad got in. I think what you're suggesting is very reasonable.

bigTillyMint · 10/01/2012 19:02

I think she is old enough if she feels confident to do it.

DS is 10 and walks to and from school on his own every day, crossing a very busy road at the lights. He has had keys to the house since he went into Y6.

I am usually home before he gets back (as he goes to the park most nights) but occasionally I am not, so he lets himself in and gets himself a snack. He knows not to touch anything electrical or gas and can phone me if there is a problem (the only "problems" he has had are asking if it's OK for him to go to a mates house or the such-like)

everlong · 10/01/2012 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 10/01/2012 19:04

If its the walk that bothers you do any other parents live near you who she could walk back with?

SandStorm · 10/01/2012 19:06

I would have said that by year 6 children should be developing the independence to do this. Absolutely fine to do it. 45 mins isn't long. Just make sure she has a neighbour's number.

MrsMcEnroe · 10/01/2012 19:08

I'd try a few practice runs first, and see how she gets on.

cece · 10/01/2012 19:10

My DD is also 10 and in year 6.

I would leave her for that long but would have neighbour look in on her and get her to text me when she was home.

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