to consider getting dd, 10, to walk home and let herself after school, one night a week?

[ElaineReese]

I did ask this on an old thread, but it was in its death throes, so I'm going to ask again if that's alright.

It turns out I have a seminar group from 2.30 to 4pm one night a week this semester - starts 1st Feb. Dd, in year 6, finishes school at 3.15.

Sometimes she walks halfway home if I'm not going to be back for 3.15 and dd1 meets here there, as her school is halfway between primary and home - unfortunately on this day, dd1 has an afterschool activity she can't change. So dd2 would have to do the rest of the walk (cross a big road at proper crossing, then straight to our road), let herself in, and wait for about 45 minutes until I got in.

She's a sensible girl and I trust her, but not, of course, traffic and Other People. I'm also concerned that she'd be lonely and worried in the house alone. I could feasibly work at home until my seminar, and make sure I left her a note and a snack ready - just not sure this is quite good enough.

WWYD, please?

[KateF]

Mine have had to since I went back to work last May after their dad left, so they were 10 and 11 (Yr5 and Yr6). Usually they are at home together but if dd1 has an afterschool club or goes straight to ballet dd2 is home on her own for about an hour. She knows she can make toast or have fruit or a yogurt and she enjoys having the TV remote to herself! I leave a list of numbers of friends who would come in an emergency and my kind neighbour has said they can always go to her if necessary. Give her the chance, put some back up in place if you can and see how it goes.

[KateSpade]

I did it when i was in year 6. I walked to school and home, then my mum met me at home 10 mins later.

School was literally 5 mins away though no big roads to cross.

I'd say do it once, and see how it goes. She might like to feel a bit more grown up, if you get me

[MabelLucyAttwell]

I agree that, if yo think your DD is ready, she could take herself home by herself. To help her feel comfortable about it though, could you do the complete walk with her two or three times before you start your seminars?

[exoticfruits]

Sounds fine to me. It depends how happy she is with it.

[RJRabbit]

I used to do this at 10, and was fine, apart from being quite scared when a boy in my class followed me home one day (nothing happened, I just ran inside and closed the door); and another time when I tried to heat a donut up in a saucepan. Hmm, didn't have too much sense back then....
But we didn't have mobile phones either.

[ApplesinmyPocket]

Can you tell her that this is her part of helping enable you to go to your seminar, a good thing she can do for the family, her contribution? 45 minutes once a week (for just a few months?) is not a huge ask, really....

My mother was widowed when I was 9 and had to work odd shift hours, I didn't like it much at first but my mother's favourite saying was 'there's no alternative!' and I accepted this was how it had to be, we pulled along together both doing our bit for the family as it were, her working, me having to do without her occasionally when I would rather not.

I don't doubt you will worry, bless you, at least for the first few times, I would certainly be chewing my nails a bit (for the traffic/roads issue, not any other reason) as I'm a worrier myself. I hope it works out for you all.

[ElaineReese]

Thank you all for your comments, I feel reassured that I'm not being too neglectful in thinking about this, and will try a few trial runs.

At the moment she is phoneless (washing machine. pockets. the old old story), so might have to get her a cheapy phone until her birthday so she can text 'home safe' or whatever...

[TheRhubarb]

My dd is 11 and she gets off the school bus and lets herself in every day of the week whilst I collect ds from his primary school. She then has a half hour wait sometimes for me to get back.

We have had concerns doing this. Once a salesman knocked on the door and saw dd through the window, so she felt obliged to open the door and inform him that I wasn't at home. I've had to tell her that under NO circumstances is she to open the door. What makes this worse is that ours is not a latch door but one that remains unlocked unless she physically locks it from the inside. I have asked her to do this but she often forgets.

Another concern is that sometimes she has forgotten her key and has ended up sat outside the house until I came home. I have instructed her never to enter anyone's house, not even a neighbours unless I have said so. She does have a phone so she can contact me, but she often forgets to take this with her too!

Also be aware that she will have a key to your home and children being children, are prone to losing things.

So take all these concerns into account. She needs to be mature enough to handle traffic (and trust me, I cross a major road on my way to school with ds and on more than one occasion has a car sped through a red light). She needs to have a phone on her at all times (if this is just for one day a week it leaves her more prone to forgetting it) and she needs to be sensible with the key and never forget it on that day.

If you don't think she can handle this - and it is a lot of responsibility for a 10 year old - then make alternative arrangements such as her walking with a friend or walking to dd1's school and waiting for her? Is that possible?

[Takver]

Sounds fine to me - I did the same in the last 2 years of primary as my mum was on a course which ran til 5. I always knew I could go to a neighbour if I had a problem, is there someone you could arrange that your dd could phone if there was any issue?

In fact the only problem I ever had was one time when my headmaster insisted I gave him my key to look after when we were doing sport rather than put it in my bag (usually wore it round my neck on a ribbon) & then he lost it

I'd also be quite happy with my dd (just about to turn 10) doing the same thing. Now kids have school bags it would be easy enough to have the key zipped in a pocket in her bag. In fact she already has one in the inner pocket for emergencies. I like her to have a key so if something unexpected were to happen (eg like one of us having to go to hospital) and we had to get a friend to collect her they could go round & get her stuff from our house.

[bigTillyMint]

Elaine, cant she just ring you from the home phone when she gets in? That's what DS does if he needs to (though he has to ring me 3 or more times before I actually hear my mobile and pick up)

[TotemPole]

I think it would be ok for a 10 year old if she's sensible. The advice I give for getting home is don't dawdle & don't rush especially if it's wet. Stay alert, wait for the green man, but don't trust it, always check the cars have stopped before crossing. Don't rely on someone else when crossing the road.

I think you should have her making her own way home from now on, while you're waiting there for her. So all she has to adjust to is the 45 mins wait. Think about what she will do in that time.

The other option is, is there a public library near school or home?

[cinnamonswirls]

DS has done this since September. He calls when he comes in but has always been fine sometimes friends come back with him - would that be an option? Quiet village with lovely neighbours - guess it depends on your area

[Cherriesarelovely]

This is a very tricky one but I don't think YABU at all to consider it. I have recently just started leaving my 9 year old DD home alone for up to 30 mins while i walk the dog or pop to the shops. Also, she has begun walking half the way to school, there is one busy road that I cross with her and then she walks up the hill. I am hoping that in Yr6 she will be happy to walk to school and back on her own. She is a very sensible girl and yours sounds like one too. Mine always has the telephone numbers she might need close by.

[cory]

Sounds ok to me.

[frankie3]

Maybe you could get her a cheap payg phone to keep in her bag on those days, just in case she needed to phone you.

[AnyFucker]

if she is ready for it, I think this is fine

[SlackSally]

I don't see any problem with this (disclaimer: I don't have children yet).

I'm basing it on myself in year six, when I would pick my sister up from reception, walk her the short way home, let us in, then look after her for an hour until parents/older sister got in.

[sashh]

How well do you know your next door neighbours, and are they in? Knowing there is someone next door you can call on can make all the difference.

She is 10 not 5 and as you say sensible. At 10 she should be able to cross the road on her own safely.

What is DD1's after school activity? Could DD2 walk to DD1's school and meet her there?

[LaurieFairyCake]

I personally would be fine with this - but be prepared that if someone reports you to SS (like the school could) then they would talk to you about - reports differ but sometimes both schools and social services are unhappy about it.

In my area I can't let my almost 14 year old foster child do it

[ElaineReese]

Oh good grief, I hadn't realised that laurie! what is their rationale for not being happy with a fourteen year old doing it?
However. I think we will try some practice runs in the next few weeks. And thank you for all the helpful suggestions above, all those whose posted them.

[Areallytiredwoman]

I echo what others have said really - it depends on the personality of the child. I walked home from school at that age and let me and my younger sister in the house and waited for mum to get home (a very long time ago). I also had mums best friend round the corner and an aunty over the road. I was a very sensible child - not sure when that changed

However, youngest DSS aged 10 mentioned having his own key the other day and I laughed. Really hard. For a very long time.

[LaurieFairyCake]

Their rationale? Worried about complaints from birth family and in case 'anything might happen'. They err very much on the side of caution with children in their care and this can lead to a bit of over zealousness with other children - I've seen posts on Mumsnet where people have had the school complain about it to SS when the child was in yr 6.

[FoxyRoxy]

My ds is 10, has his own key and gets the bus to and from school every day. He is often the first one home and has no issue with being left alone in the house for hours at a time.

Every child is different. Ask her if she feels comfortable with it?

[Pagwatch]

Yes. It depends on the child.
We moved before senior school so ds1 had to get the train and a coach and of course from an area he didn't know yet. It was good for him

[angelpuss]

YANBU

I had my own door key (and still have the same one ) and walked home alone most days when I was 9 or 10. There was no one in when I got home and wasn't until about an hour later.

I used to get a snack (which was great because it meant I could have whatever I wanted as there was no-one to stop me ) and then watch kids tv until my sister came in or my dad got home from work.

I did have to cross a main road, but then there wasn't as much traffic as there is now (it was the early 80's ) and it did only take me 5 minutes to get home. But if she is comfortable with it then I would do it. Like someone else has said, have her do it before she has to so that she gets used to it.