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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister in law coming to stay

50 replies

GeorgeT · 10/01/2012 17:47

my sister in law has asked my DH if she and her partner can stay for two nights next week. our spare room houses one, it is very small as larger room has bunk bed for two girls. They want to stay so they can go to a city about an hour from here as she has properties there and needs to check / do some work on them. they are coming on school days Thursday and Friday and I work (albeit part time) on both those days. Not sure if they will stay to spend time with their nieces on Sat. his sister only rings us at home when she wants to stay. I feel rather put upon and feel that not for the first time we are being used as a hotel or doss house. :( We do stay with them but buy food,( as often no food for breakfast or the children) buy her flowers, help out in the kitchen, walk the dog. His sister is a heavy drinker (two bottles in an evening is not uncommon) and rarely surfaces before 8.30.... Any advice??

OP posts:
tomverlaine · 10/01/2012 17:53

For me they are family and would be welcome- what does your DH say? if they are out during the day would they be a burden?

tell them you can't cook for them as you are working - maybe they will buy you a takeaway - and you and DH can share a meal and a drink with them.
You should suggest to them that they come for a weekend sometime to spend time with the family

olgaga · 10/01/2012 17:58

Where are they expecting to sleep, if you only have a single bed in the spare room?

I think it's unreasonable during the school week tbh. Look up cheap hotels nearby, and invite them to have lunch with you on the Saturday before they go home.

If she has properties she's renting out they can't be short of money.

Honestly, what a nerve some people have!

fedupofnamechanging · 10/01/2012 18:02

Let them stay, but leave them to their own devices. Tell them that you are working and won't be around to cook etc, so they'll have to make their own arrangements, or just cook something simple, which isn't a special effort.

Original poster
GeorgeT · 10/01/2012 18:03

I would be more than happy on a weekend but think ultimately they should stay elsewhere as we simply don't have the space but I would still cook etc. am going to suggest we eat out or get a takeaway but doubt they will offer to pay for it. We seem to pick up the tab.

OP posts:
RitaMorgan · 10/01/2012 18:06

Can't you just say "sure, but dinner's on you". That's what I'd say to my sister in the circumstances.

Original poster
GeorgeT · 10/01/2012 18:16

Would love to but not sure DH would!

OP posts:
Inertia · 10/01/2012 19:01

Let them stay in the spare room, if they prefer to stay in a single room rather than pay for a hotel. Don't have any alcohol in.

If you feel that your home being used as a doss house, rather than them coming to visit you, and cooking a big dinner is unfeasible given your prior commitments, then just get a tea of chips, bread and butter one night and maybe cook something relatively cheap and simple like bean chilli and rice the next?

FabbyChic · 10/01/2012 19:04

Put a casserole in the slow cooker cheap enough pad it with tatoes and veg.

FabbyChic · 10/01/2012 19:05

If you were me Id say not convenient on a school night simple as to be honest. Weekend fine, week night, fuck off.

LemonDifficult · 10/01/2012 19:09

YABU or at least it seems that way.

If my DB and his partner want to crash at mine for a couple of nights (and the worst I could say about them was that they drink more than me and don't get up til 8.30) well they'd be welcome - they're my family. I don't really need to examine the reasons.

If you feel they are costing you and you aren't happy about 'hosting them' just do as Rita suggests and tell them dinner will be on them.

Doesn't seem like much of an issue really.

RoughShooting · 10/01/2012 19:18

Can't see the problem really. Are you always this inhospitable and unfriendly or is there a backstory to the relationship?

exoticfruits · 10/01/2012 19:22

I don't see the problem either. Treat them like family and just let them muck in.
(or is there a reason, not given as yet, for not liking her?)

Original poster
GeorgeT · 10/01/2012 19:36

I have always been very hospitable but the last time she came, she arrived at 9.30 in the evening (fortunately had a meal in slow cooker) and left at 10 30 having got up at 10am She was off meeting friends for a get together in town. I asked if she would like to join is for lunch before she left the following day so she could see the girls. her response, I need to get back. School/work days are busy and everyone is tired, a weekend stay would be better all round.

OP posts:
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 10/01/2012 19:38

YABU
They are family!

Ifancyashandy · 10/01/2012 19:47

Maybe she felt she needed to get out of your hair last time?

Would let them stay, no problem.

MollyMurphy · 10/01/2012 19:49

I don't see the big deal TBH. I would be a bit put out if she came all the time and never wanted to see any of you...that smacks of using you...but what are we talking - just now and again? I don't see how it really puts you out all that much and she is family. Perhaps there is more to the history with her though.

FabbyChic · 10/01/2012 19:51

Id not have the Queen stay during the week if I had young children. My mother only visited at weekends as did my sister when my children were younger.

Children have routines, Id not fuck them up for someone who was trying to save pennies whilst she was raking it in.

olgaga · 10/01/2012 22:56

On this I agree with you, Fabby.

larks35 · 10/01/2012 23:11

Assuming they know about the single bed scenario and aren't expecting you to give up your bed or anything I can't really see what the problem is. Having them stay doesn't necessarily mean changing your own routine so being a school/work night shouldn't really matter, should it? They are family so if they're okay with the sleeping arrangements I think its only fair to accommodate them. Don't cook anything special, don't put yourself out, just enjoy the visit and make sure you get a glass or so of her wine before she necks it all Grin

exoticfruits · 10/01/2012 23:14

I would put people before routines! I'm sure a relationship with an aunt is more important to a DC than a routine!

ZenNudist · 10/01/2012 23:30

I'd let them come & stay no problem, if you see less of them because they arrive late and leave early then the most trouble you're going to have is stripping the bed & washing after. In terms of food don't pay for expensive take out & resent it. What is your idea of an easy cheap tea? For me it would be a homemade veggie soup (make a big batch at the weekend, serve with bread, everyone can butter themselves) or baked potatoes & cheese. If youre not averse to tinned food there's again soup, baked beans, or pesto pasta, scrambled egg. So many easy choices! You don't have to go all out, especially if they don't cook when you visit, they don't sound demanding. If they turn up late don't cook for them if you don't want to. Just say that tea will be a x time but if they can't make that then they should just grab something on the road. Simple Smile.

Plus next time you visit them, take the food you need but nothing expensive & don't be so helpful, giving & nice!

Original poster
GeorgeT · 11/01/2012 07:24

Exotic fruits, it's not a case of putting people before routine. Simply need to get the kids out to school on time. usually having guest to me means having time with them and I would go to some trouble. it's. Jut not how I do things.

interesting on the family note. it is us who call them, unless she wants to stay. she doesn't even call on birthdays. Communication is very one sided. When times have been rough, no enquiry to see how we are getting. It is not my concept of family. Sad as there is only her and her brother.

OP posts:
TubbyDuffs · 11/01/2012 07:32

I would put them up, but I would put them in the category of "not to be made a big fuss off". Sounds to me like you are the one who makes the effort and feel it isn't appreciated, therefore, don't make the effort.

She isn't coming for a visit, she is coming to use your house as a base, and as long as you both see it on that basis, and you don't expect her to be spending time with the kids etc, then you both will know where you stand.

Two nights is hardly worth worrying about, two weeks would be a different story.

Family.. you can't choose em!

Original poster
GeorgeT · 11/01/2012 08:14

Exotic fruits, it's not a case of putting people before routine. Simply need to get the kids out to school on time. usually having guest to me means having time with them and I would go to some trouble. it's. Jut not how I do things.

interesting on the family note. it is us who call them, unless she wants to stay. she doesn't even call on birthdays. Communication is very one sided. When times have been rough, no enquiry to see how we are getting. It is not my concept of family. Sad as there is only her and her brother.

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 11/01/2012 08:25

THEY ARE FAMILY, PUT UP AND SHUT UP

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