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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to only spend £3 on the birthday boy?

63 replies

dimplebum · 10/01/2012 00:30

Ds was invited to yet another birthday party from one of his classmates. We really havent got the money to be splashing out so I took advantage of the offers at the book people and bought him 2 well known hardback books that were £3.

Today the mum was thanking everyone for their presents, child and parent, but totally missed us. Im hoping that I am just being paranoid and that this was a genuine error, but I cant help thinking that she was disappointed by how much we spent as I know from talking at the party that most parents spent between £7 and £10.

Also Id be interested to know what most parents spend on the birthday child when it is a classfriend but not a close class friend.

OP posts:
BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 10/01/2012 09:40

I usually spend 10-15 on a giftBlush

Usually get a gift, such as, a spiderman bag, a my little pony, tennis set or something like that plus one of those multi coloured teeth rotting lollies that are flat and round and swirly. Normally from self ridges Blush

I enjoy buying gifts especially for children. And kids birthdays are special. However, if I can't afford it I do get things like power rangers from quality save and some haribos

wigglesrock · 10/01/2012 10:14

I spent about £6 to £10 depending on how much I like the mum Grin how close the kids are. I went to Boots sale yesterday and bought a whole rake of discounted gifts for girls in the range of £2.50 - £4.00.

melika · 10/01/2012 10:27

£10 cash

(or less if I can see a bargain to buy eg. bogof or buy two get one free).

Firawla · 10/01/2012 10:35

It must have just been an oversight from her unless she is really rude person, as what kind of person would only thank for the expensive presents and blank the others!?! thats horrible..
and the present sounds fine!

pranma · 10/01/2012 10:52

Home Bargains is the place for cheap but good presents :-)

Joolsdawn · 10/01/2012 10:57

I wouldn't expect a gift from any parent, my daughter had a party in November and lots of children just brought cards and to me that is great. Too much pressure on parents to spend money.
I normally either re gift unwanted presents or spend up to five pound ( most often buy books). But having two girls I am rubbish with boys gifts so I would put £5 in a card.

whatstheetiquette · 10/01/2012 10:58

The norm in DS's class is £7-£10 but some will spend up to £15. The next party DS is going to, I got a £15 toy reduced to £4.50 - it is a nice toy and I won't look like I was the cheapest! The party after that, I have a nice lego set which was half price in the Sainsbury's toy sale around November time. So again, nice present but not breaking the bank.

Re the mum in the playground, I'm sure it was an oversight. Unless she is particularly nasty!

sunshineandbooks · 10/01/2012 10:59

I'm sure it was an oversight.

Personally, I'd rather people spent more in the region of £3 than £10 when it comes to presents for my DC. For a start I can neither afford nor want to reciprocate expensive presents in a class of 30, and secondly, it can get embarrassing.

Children get main presents from family and close friends. School chums should bring token presents only IMO.

(Plus my house has enough plastic tat lying around as it is.)

Indith · 10/01/2012 11:03

I tend to spend very little, under £5 unless a really good friend. I buy books on 3 for 2 and put some away, I buy those little playdough sets that cost around £3 for a couple of tubs and a squisher thing or card games from ELC for £2.50 (various snap, simple top trumps).

I simply don't have the money for more plus I would rather buy something like a card game or crafty bits than yet another toy car. I do feel guilty though as my dcs have both had their parties recently and some people must have spent a fair bit which makes me feel as though I should but then again I can't....

bleedingheart · 10/01/2012 11:06

It must be an oversight. If you're holding a party you don't automatically expect everyone will spend X-amount on a present and if they don't they don't deserve thanks? You'd be a trobuled soul if you did. I spend £5-15 depending on what I buy. I love buying presents for small childrens but I love a bargain too. I wouldn't buy something cheap and nasty by which I mean poorly made. You can get very well made toys in Home Bargains and the like for £4 and terrible tat in Selfridges for £30. Books are a great present, IMHO.

Laquitar · 10/01/2012 11:16

2 books is a very good present imo.

I spend around £3-£5 although this is usually 'discount' price.
In London and in a school with many children from wealthy families.

HappyAsEyeAm · 10/01/2012 11:34

Close family friend's children usually get about £15 spent on them.

NCT class child/close friend of DS - about £10.

Classmate (if DS is going to the party) - about £7.

But I always buy things in the sale, or part of a buy 2 and get money off offer.

My top present (for givig) atm (DS is 4, and his friends are of similar age) is a 20 x 1 oz set of play doh in all the different colours, which comes with cutters and the like. You get 2 sets from Argos for £15.

sheeplikessleep · 10/01/2012 11:42

Same here - DS1 is 4 and I spend about £5 at the moment (can go up to £7 or £8 depending upon how friendly he is with them, but then he is only 4!).

Mind you, I'm still slightly peeved he got invited to a joint party in October, he gave 2 presents, one for each child and one of the two didn't send a thank you letter or any sort of recognition (am I over-reacting to think that is a tad rude?).

CoffeeGoneColdAgain · 10/01/2012 11:51

I think that books are a lovely gift.

My Dd was at a party on Saturday where one child gave the birthday girl a used colouring set! :o Birthday girl only realised yesterday when she went to do some colouring Shock

tigerlillyd02 · 10/01/2012 12:16

DS is 2.2 and has been invited to his first parties over the next 2 weeks. One girl is 5 and the other boy will be turning 2. I've been wondering about what to buy. The first party is Saturday and I only had notice of it 2 days ago so, as it's a rubbish week money wise I doubt I'll spend more than about £5. However I get paid next week so the child whose birthday is the week after will have more like £10-£15 spent on them. I'd just base it on what I can afford at the time the invite comes through I think....

My niece had a birthday party in December and one of her gifts was a book with ripped pages, some pages scribbled on and the other childs name written inside! I didn't think anything could be worse than that to be honest! Grin

ABigGirlDoneItAndRanAway · 10/01/2012 13:10

I went to a birthday do a couple of months ago and only spent £1 on the birthday child on a little soft toy that was reduced in home bargains. It wasn't technically a party but a get together at a soft play centre meaning that I had to pay entry and costs for drinks and snacks for myself and DD so that kind of influenced it, I had just become a SAHM so money has been tight and if it had been a party which was at someone's house I could have spent more on the present. I didn't get a thank you from the birthday child's mother so either she is miffed about the value of the gift or just generally rude, either way I'm not inclined to attend her child's birthday or buy a gift again.

ProfessorSunny · 10/01/2012 13:16

I think it's fine, it doesn't matter what the present cost. We got a present recently that was £10 reduced to £2.50, DD was going to a party and the friend loves horses, we saw some horse earrings in the sale, her friend loved them and never needed to know that they were only £2.50

maxpower · 10/01/2012 13:20

I usually spend no more than £5 per child and I always grab things on offer when I see them to save money on birthday presents. DD has 5 parties to go to this half term alone.....

maxpower · 10/01/2012 13:22

oh and meant to say it was probably just an oversight in not thanking you - how could the mum have known how much the books cost?

besides, if someone didn't buy my child a present or only spent a £1 or so, I'd just assume they couldn't afford anything more. I certainly wouldn't hold it against them

OhBuggerandArse · 10/01/2012 13:31

My DC went to a birthday party recently which I think had the best solution ever to all stresses and worries related to present giving, and to tat accumulation.

They didn't say 'no presents', but 'don't bring a present for the birthday child, instead bring a small present for a lucky dip at the end instead of a party bag'.

So all the kids felt like they were bringing something nice, everyone felt like they got something nice, there were no no tit-for-tat (pun intended) worries about price or anything, and no-one was left with more plastic crap than they wanted hanging around the place. I think it was genius. In fact I might go and start a thread about it.

stealthsquiggle · 10/01/2012 13:44

I would hazard a guess she had just forgotten what you gave them rather than being miffed - or I would hope so, anyway. I spend an absolute maximum of £10 and often nearer £5 - and some re-gifting of duplicate presents (especially nice books which we already have) takes place as well. My DC have received some seriously extravagant gifts at parties, but non-reciprocation doesn't appear to mean that they are invited to less parties Grin

OhBuggerandArse · 10/01/2012 13:59

Done, here.

PeppermintCreams · 10/01/2012 15:36

You are not be unreasonable. And I'm guessing she had forgotten the names of the books, so was a bit embarrassed.

My budget is around £5-7 for classmates. I find Amazon is fab for lego bargains in this price range with free supersaver delivery and nectar points. Things like this: www.amazon.co.uk/LEGO-Mini-Sports-Building-Construction/dp/B005KIR3LG/ref=sr_1_38?s=kids&ie=UTF8&qid=1326209544&sr=1-38
or this: www.amazon.co.uk/LEGO-Racers-8150-ZX-Turbo/dp/B000VS4G92/ref=sr_1_118?s=kids&ie=UTF8&qid=1326209656&sr=1-118

Flubba · 10/01/2012 15:46

I simply couldn't afford a tenner for each birthday party the DCs go to - it'd be a few hundred quid a year! Book people thingamy is great, as are bargains from 3 for 2 etc. I've started making things for friends' kids too - mostly they've gone down well, but there have been a few Hmm looks from some friends :( .

MrsHeffley · 10/01/2012 15:51

I never spend over £6,if I could get away with less I would.I always give nice presents I'd like my dc to have.Books are a big hit,I wouldn't give a stuff where they came from and how much.