to have a nice life but still feel deep disatisfaction?

[BlueIvy]

What do you do for fun, but in a deeper, more fulfilling way? I dont mean going to the pub or going on holiday etc - I mean, what do you loom forward to? What are you passionate about?

I am very bored of myself.

I have a lovely husband, decent house, two great kids, paid work and some good friends.

Yes, life has its ups and downs. Family problems (extended), illness (me), money worries (almost sorted now) and DS has behavioural difficulties, which can be very wearing.

Bt nothing is really wrong with my life, I am just deeply bored.

I spend a lot of time on my computer, on MN or just surfing aimlessly. I don't feel like reading any more (used to be an avid reader, but just cannot seem to settle down into a book these days) I don't seem to have any interests...

Its easy to say 'join a club', but when do I have the time? I work , come home, get kids sorted, eat myself, am lucky if I squeeze in a bath or a bit of exercise...then start all over again, preparing for the next busy day.

I have toyed with the idea of writing (used to be a journalist), but never seem to have the space or mental quiet to really get stuck in.

What do other people do? For fun? For fulfillment?

I can see I am coming across like a bit of a twat here...I;'m not complaining and not unhappy...just profoundly bored.

excuse typos and dreadful grammar!

My mum always used to say "only boring people are bored" so shift your arse , get out there and do something you like.

*disclaimer - I'm equally lazy and CBA to get out there either (sorry mum)

I dont know what I like, though! And believe me, I have tried.

I joined my local Labour party last year (sorry if that offends any Tories ), but the time commitment was unrealistic and...I found it boring

I go to films, the theatre, exhibitions etc when time allows....but it is all just viewing / consuming. I want to DO something. I just dont know WHAT?

I guess I am just a boring old fart

Um, this might sound a bit obvious but if you enjoy surfing the net etc and you like writing.... Why not start a blog?

Just a thought...

I love make-up, so I did a night school course in make-up, which I really enjoyed. I was rubbish at it though . I have also done dressmaking and was rubbish at that too. Ditto jewellery making. I've tried all sorts of creative stuff and I suck at it, but doesn't stop me merrily turning up!

I do a very time consuming, emotionally draining job working in a social care role, so its not like I am just sitting on my arse at home, btw

I wouldnt know what to blog about. Not another mum blog

God, i really am boring, arent I?

Have you thought about going to church?

Just thinking the deep dissatisfaction you mention is something I've heard others speak of when they have a happy life, good job etc but a sense that something's missing?

(please just ignore suggestion if not for you, just a thought)

You do sound unhappy. Is there something you have always wanted to try that you thought was too difficult for you (but that you can afford/have time for)? Why not set yourself a challenge? Learn an instrument, write a book, build your own website from scratch, make your own wine, train for a marathon, try a new sport (I can recommend field archery, it's amazing fun, archers are cheerfully insane lovely people, you get out in the fresh air and best of all it is really hard to get good at it.

I do know where you are coming from - DH and I both work f/t too, evenings and weekends seem to get eaten up by domestic tasks that need doing. We've found that letting standards slip helps - we don't live in squalor, but our house isn't House Beautiful either, so we actually have time to spend weekends doing stuff with the DDs. Sometimes the stupidest things feel like a treat, like an afternoon in the garden (but NOT gardening!) with cheapo food on the BBQ, or if bad weather watching a film together with home made popcorn and not worrying about all the stuff that needs doing. Life can get really overwhelming with all the demands, I think the secret is to learn when to say 'sod it, not today' and then NOT feel guilty about doing that.

I really hope you feel better soon.

tassissss thanks for suggesting spirituality - it's a good suggestion (and I'm an atheist).

If church isn't your thing, what about meditation or mindfulness?

Do you like your job? Is there something else you would rather be doing?

I felt a deep dissatisfaction and put it down to not feeling fulfilled by work. So I jacked it in (after much soul-searching) and am now much happier doing something else.

I'm an atheist but yes, I have thought about church, weirdly, tassisss...

I have always wanted to write a book@pointthings. I dont mean to become a famous novelist ...but just to know that I have written a story, actually committed it to page. No idea why I havent done it yet.

I kind of know what you mean, Blue. I had an unexpected afternoon off today, I had absolutely NO pressing obligations, I could have done anything. I should have read, or taken the dog out, or anything really, but I just couldn't get into anything - that lack of 'mental quiet' you describe really resonates here - and ended up just pissing about on the net.

Its hard to unwind though when you're always 'on'. In a busy life full of obligations, if you do get any free time, its generally unscheduled (as mine was today) and you're too knackerd from your busy life to muster the energy to do anything worthwhile.

I decided not to beat myself up too much about it though and figured I owed myself a slobby break.

I think the key is to take a class. I know its hard to commit to same time every week, but it really is the key to breaking the cycle. There are some great crafting courses around if thats your thing, my local AE college does creative writing courses, it sounds a bit naff but it could be the focus you need to get in that headspace. I did a photography refresher course a couple of years ago and I found it really did force me to find time to pursue something fulfilling, not just the 2 hours per week I was in the class.

When I'm working on my photos, its one of the few times I'm truly absorbed, time passes so fast, its like when you're a kid and the whole world disappears outside of the task to hand.

blimey I could have written your OP BlueIvy. Some friends have suggested I might actually be a bit depressed but I really get that apathy you described. I am busy doing nothing alot of the time and when I am not I bore myself rigid. DH and I get on well but he works long hours ( still not home yet) and I find that once the boys are in bed that's all I want to do too, yet I know if I go to bed now thats the end of the day until work tomorrow. I fear I have developed ADD in old age when it comes to many things like reading etc and just flit from one thing to another. I took up yoga last year which worked for a while, but when DH got promoted it meant he was doing longer hours and I've had to stop.

I seriously need to find a passion for something but damned if I know what ?

emsyj - I do enjoy my job, but it is very full on and doesnt leave me much mental energy/space. I career changed from a 'meedjah' job to this 5 years ago and definitely enjoy this more.

how about learning about something that you like, doesnt have to lead to anything, except you enjoying it and giving you a challenge. Im doing French with the ultimate goal of emigrating once my husband retires in a few years. I go to classes once a week and I have language MP3s that i listen to while walking the dogs, ironing etc. I like it - and am getting quite good at it now

Do you exercise regularly? If not, try it. I always feel 100% better and sleep better too when I have moved around a bit, especially outside. If you have a stressful job then you need to do something to switch off your brain and sort of help your body to catch up to the same state of exhaustion .

Well, there you go. Try church. Maybe find an Alpha course?

Like you, I have a contented life with my family.

The only thing that is purely mine is that I do write. I don't do it for anyone else, to be published or even for it to be read by anyone else. I've always liked a bit of swords and sorcery so that's what I write. It gives me a buzz. I would rarely tell anyone in RL.

It's mine, all mine

Get on with it.

Yep. I know how you feel OP. There is something tangible I want to get my teeth into in my suburban life but I don't know what it is.

I watched Revolutionary Road last year and thought 'fuck' I am April.

What sorts of books are you reading? I only ask because I can be a bit snobby when choosing books and used to pick out tedious, pretentious doorstops which invariably ended up chucked down the side of the bed. Once I accepted my mummy-brain limitations and started reading for fun, I soon got back into it.

For the record, I like nail-biters which involve nice young ladies being brutally slaughtered by nasty men. Or religious conspiracy thrillers.

BlueIvy I have written 12 novels and am working on the 13th. I've done bugger all about publishing them, I'm just hooked on the thrill of writing. If you feel you have characters and a story itching to get out, now is the time!

You might find the Alpha course interesting even as an atheist - a journalist did it a year or two ago and wrote about it for the Guardian. It wasn't at all the bash-the-God-squad' type of series you might expect, it was really thoughtful and interesting. The journalist ended up not being a Christian, but it did broaden his spiritual horizons. It does sound like a big commitment though, and I'm not sure right now you have the right head space for it.

It sounds as if you have trouble switching off from work mode - I know this is going to sound trite, but have you considered meditation? It's only one mechanism for switching off, but it can work. (Mine is music - I have a 50 minute commute each way and the way home is for whatever music suits my mood, it really helps. Driving through Cambridge singing along to 'That Was Yesterday' can really make you feel better after a shit day and no-one can hear you).

EyeoftheStorm I'll show you mine if you show me yours - we're in the same genre .

Eyeofthestorm me too! i write fantasy literature when my dd naps and ds is at school

i once read that we are so focused on happiness but that may not be the key to life. absorption in something, a passion is the path to contentment

i love writing. i would like to get published but if i don't, well my faeries and unicorns have kept me going through the hum drum of life

you will find something op. it took me a while

boglach I find that happiness kind of sneaks up on you. Having joy in life - something you are passionate about - really matters, and also the ability to just notice when things are pretty damn brilliant. Some of the best days we have as a family are the ones where we actually do sod-all, just enjoy being together and slack off.