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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isnt normal for a child

32 replies

laptopdancer · 09/01/2012 16:30

A boy from down the road a bit has called to play with ds. He only comes once in a blue moon and is a bit older than ds and doesnt go to his school.
Anyway...I am in the next room so can hear them playing and the boy is constantly asking ds if he can have his toys. Shock

Boy...."oh you have a (insert lego namey here) . Can I have it?"
Ds "to keep? er,no"

Boy...."is this a robot"?
Ds "yes"
Boy: "can i keep it?

He is push push pushing it....eases off and then asks for something else

This isnt normal is it? Shock

OP posts:
soandsosmummy · 09/01/2012 16:33

No that seems very odd behaviour to me to be honest. Maybe he just wants the things and knows his family can't afford them?

pictish · 09/01/2012 16:34

If your son says no, I don't see what is troubling you.
Kids are sometimes precarious and inappropriate. That is normal.

Just go in and say "these are x's toys and your are welcome to play with them while you are visiting but you certainly can't take them home"

Dealt with.

DeeOfTheNorthPole · 09/01/2012 16:35

Sounds a bit odd.....what ages are your DS and this 'friend'?

thepeoplesprincess · 09/01/2012 16:35

It's impossible to comment without knowing the age of the child.

ragged · 09/01/2012 16:36

Not normal, bit grasping.... but I'd feel sorry for him whilst being wary. He may be quite needy in other ways and it comes out as a craving for material goods.

valiumredhead · 09/01/2012 16:37

Completely normal ime and have also heard ds chancing his luck once or twice much to my horror Grin

Original poster
laptopdancer · 09/01/2012 16:39

sorry ds is 7 and friend Im not sure but older...maybe 8 or 9

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 09/01/2012 16:40

Craving material goods and quite needy? Oh hogwash! it's just kids learning about boundaries.

MrsMcEnroe · 09/01/2012 16:41

I'm wondering if you live near me, laptopdancer, as I have had the same issue with a boy in our street! I think it is uncommon but still "normal" if that makes sense? Just step in & tell him that he can't have any of your DS' stuff. And don't let them play swapsies. Someone always ends up feeling hard done by, or swaps an expensive toy for something that cost 50p, etc etc ....

philmassive · 09/01/2012 16:41

My ds has a friend who does this. They are only 5 so maybe not the same but I have found that things have gone missing once the friend has left. Might be worth frisking him before he leaves Wink

pictish · 09/01/2012 16:43

Yes, he is clearly deeply disturbed, deprived of affection and material things at home, and out to rid the OPs son of whatever he can. Hmm

Or...in the real world outside of television programmes, he's a bloody chancer!

Acanthus · 09/01/2012 16:44

It's normal. In the sense that some kids do it, some don't. One of DS2's friends used to ask and sometimes be a put pushy when they were 8 or 9. Your DS will learn to say no. Just make sure the other boy doesn't take anything!

thepeoplesprincess · 09/01/2012 16:44

He's def. old enough to know better then. I reckon he's just trying it on in the hope that your younger son will give in.

Have a stern word.

valiumredhead · 09/01/2012 16:46

The OP doesn't have to have any words at all if her child is dealing with it himself - leave them be!

lazarusb · 09/01/2012 16:51

My dd had a friend who used to steal her things and deface them. At least this boy is asking!

Original poster
laptopdancer · 09/01/2012 16:55

Im not stepping in ....Im listening to see how ds handles it. Its a good opportunity for him to learn to be assertive.

He has said no and is clarifying "to play with, not to keep" each time the boy asks for a toy. Looks like he is standing his ground and keeping all his xmas presents.

New one on me though (and frisking has crossed my mind)

OP posts:
mrsjay · 09/01/2012 16:55

I have heard a few children i want it so can i have it sort of thing , your son is saying no i would leave it as your son sorting it out , least he isnt stealing , as its not always the case of a poor child wanting things , a little girl was stealing from the classroom when my dd was in early primary and she had every toy and thing going she wanted so took it , was mostly rubbers and pencils
, how old would you guess the boy is ?

mrsjay · 09/01/2012 16:57

oh you said he was 8 or 9 hes chancing his arm proablt because your son is younger ,

ReduceRecycleRegift · 09/01/2012 16:59

I remember a "for keeps" stage at school that everyone seemed to go through, if you lent anyone anything you had to emphasise that it wasn't "for keeps" or else they'd say you'd given it to them and it was theirs now.

Maybe my school wasn't normal then Grin

4madboys · 09/01/2012 16:59

sounds normal to me and your son is holding his ground so just keep an ear out.

kids will be pushy like this sometimes, he just needs to learn the boundaries and he will get the message :)

valiumredhead · 09/01/2012 17:00

reduce we had 'borrow keeps' or 'keep keeps' Grin

ReduceRecycleRegift · 09/01/2012 17:03

Grin at valium

flyingspaghettimonster · 09/01/2012 17:06

My 6 year old(today) dos this :-( No matter how many times we explain that he cannot have stuff, he keeps asking this same little friend - because the friend's mom lets him have things, or buys him things so he can have a toy. She seems unable to say 'no' despite my telling her repeatedly not to give him anything, so he expects to leave her house with a gift. Ridiculous! Please say no to the kid as his Mum probably feels like me, hates him asking for toys. My kid has everything he needs and I hate this habit of his, which we are trying to stop.

OrmIrian · 09/01/2012 17:07

We've acquired 'friends' like this over the years. If it's any comfort they don't tend to last long.

mrsjay · 09/01/2012 17:07

I can remember with dd1 it was pokemon cards and those crazy bones things that they all collected and it was all for keepsies and it was usually the rare pokemon card or whatever , so i said no keepsies to her