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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be amazed at the lack of humanity shown by some members on the AIBU forum?

29 replies

bookbird · 09/01/2012 00:44

Absolutely shocking. I'm not naive enough to expect everyone to agree on everything, but I read quite a lot of venom on the AIBU page. Can't we be measured and civil when thinking someone is BU and (wonders if she's really asking too much) kind in response to posters who are experiencing upset?

OP posts:

BandOMothers · 09/01/2012 00:50

People use it as a venting place. If posters are upset then it's not the place to come. I come when I need honesty.

KarenJones · 09/01/2012 00:55

YABU. You bastard.

It does seem a bit OTT to me at times but I'm a sensitive little soul...

SparkleSoiree · 09/01/2012 00:56

YANBU.

mayorquimby · 09/01/2012 00:56

nope. never ask a question you're not prepared to hear an answer to.
The venom normally comes out when someone is willfully ignoring any responses which don't agree with them.

WorraLiberty · 09/01/2012 00:57

To be fair it's not just AIBU

There's an awful lot of venom on Relationships and the Feminism section too, particularly if someone doesn't agree with some of the regs.

But that's internet forum life

If you ask for opinions, you have to be prepared to accept them and realise that some will be harsher than others.

bucketbetty · 09/01/2012 00:57

Are you new? I'm past being amazed. Some people don't think things through. My only hope is that the compassion of others will rub off on those who clearly havent evolved to a basic level yet. On a more generous note there are also lots of really lovely posters. I don't think It's nearly as bad as it used to be. I used to be beyond shocked at the levels of bullying and pack mentality. I'm pleased it doesn't seem to be that way anymore.

festi · 09/01/2012 00:58

I think when someone has posted a desperate Op in AIBU, it easy to call troll. it is better to just quietly sit it out if you boubt it and see what happens and report, but it is insensitive to make systematic attackes at an op.

Even if untrue someone else may be reading it who could take comfort from some well sounded advice.

I have seen one particular vile poster calling troll tonight, but it does not usually happen quite like that, i was pretty shocked at that, have not posted on that thread for various reasons. but I am reading it.

bucketbetty · 09/01/2012 01:00

I'm also a bit naive and a sensitive soul at times. I still don't really understand trolling.

AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating · 09/01/2012 01:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

bucketbetty · 09/01/2012 01:03

I don't think being deliberately rude is justified and I don't think the point of aibu is to deliberately slaughter someone.

Original poster

bookbird · 09/01/2012 01:04

@ karenjones.

I've not been around since returning to work after mat leave in Jan 2010, and I was always more of a lurker.

Just aghast at a couple of the comments on the dv post. Maybe I'm a sensitive soul too!

Off to bed, back to work tomorrow.

OP posts:

ViviPru · 09/01/2012 01:18

I agree with MayorQuimby . In the main, people are only ever 'unkind' out of frustration at an OP who refuses to acknowledge anyone's view other than their own.

ragged · 09/01/2012 01:24

It's the nature of online comms, people are blunt; it's hard to not be blunt online, I suspect.

LoadOfTwaddle · 09/01/2012 01:31

I am scared of AIBU because I find many people very rude and it genuinely upsets me. I am pathetic I know

I keep well away from it.

I have just read the thread in question and TBH that just looks like a troll.

It's the ganging up and the 'grow up' or 'get a life' type comments I can't stand.

I wouldn't dream of talking to people like that online or in RL

Rant over...

mrstiredandconfused · 09/01/2012 02:09

I think aibu can actually be helpful in so many ways (it's one of the topics that helped me the most through pil problems, and i merely lurked!!) - honest posts can really help you to see situations from different angles.

But I have to admit that some posts (not just the ones on tonight's thread) are thoroughly rude. It would not be acceptable to be vile in rl so I can't understand why people think its ok to spout abuse on a forum. What's the aim here - to offer help, support and advice to other users or make people feel worse having posted?

For the record I bloody love MN. It has helped me in so many ways, through grief, stress, depression, suicidal thoughts, family problems, friend issues - in most cases just by lurking. If I had posted (which tbh I have only recently found the balls to do) and someone had been rude, I've got so many self esteem issues i'd never have come back. I'm just flabbergasted at what some posters find acceptable.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 09/01/2012 02:19

If you are a very sensitive person, then AIBU really isn't for you. There are lots of other topics, you can even hide AIBU if you want to.

AIBU is like RL - some people are nice and some aren't, some are gentle and others aren't... either get stuck in and post what you think, or stick to the other topics :)

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 09/01/2012 02:36

AIBU upsets me if I'm in a bad mood, or if it's about one or two topics a bit too close to my heart.

But by and large I'm a big girl and I don't care if people are rude on the Internet. I mean so what.

Nobody is forced to post in AIBU, or to read here. Or to keep reading if they're getting upset. The tone of the forum is pretty clear and tbh my (admittedly, and in this instance somewhat ironically, harsh) opinion is if you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 09/01/2012 02:39

Maybe this is cynical or whatever but I don't actually believe that newbies log on to MN for the very first time and promptly write a controversial post for AIBU. Browsing the forum even briefly will tell you exactly the sort of place it is.

Everyone who posts knows where they are.

EmmaBemma · 09/01/2012 06:28

some people here are arseholes, but that's the same wherever you go - it's not the case universally though, and IME the harsher posts are usually balanced by some more thoughtful ones.

Whatmeworry · 09/01/2012 07:17

It's honest, and any Internet chat forum can come across as terse and rude. A few posters are rude most of the time - but you get to know who they are, most are rude a bit of the time, typically when frustrated by an OP that only wants agreement or when another ( rude ) poster attacks them

Merlow · 09/01/2012 07:28

But surely someone like myself would namechange to write something very personal, if they hit a wall and wanted to speak freely and needed MN help?

ProPerformer · 09/01/2012 07:50

YANBU

Plus those people who use the name calling don't seem to read any of the posts properly. I've been slated for 'defending / agreeing with someone who was being U and if those people had read my posts properly they would see that really I agree with what the 'swearers' are saying but Playing 'devils advocate' to try to give the OP a chance.

Often the 'other's' slate the OP for not replying or listening to them because they haven't posted again - probably because they know that no one would listen anyway so what would be the point just to suffer more abuse!

Rant over!

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 09/01/2012 07:56

I don't think people are only unkind when an OP doesn't listen. I think people use AIBU to vent their inner bitch sometimes, and will take it out on anyone they disagree strongly with.

I know MNers dont like the bitch word, but sometimes it describes exactly what it needs to very accurately.

It's the nature if Internet forums, and if people don't like it they are free to stay away. I just think everyone on here should get their heads round the fact that everyone is entitled to an opinion and to express that opinion on here, no matter how misguided others might think they are.

usualsuspect · 09/01/2012 07:58

The OP of a certain thread deserved all her fuck offs

Oh, a sweary one here

Dillydaydreaming · 09/01/2012 08:01

Depends what they are saying. If it's sheer ignorance about disability benefits then I am afraid my nasty inner bitch comes racing to the service and I don't mince my words.

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