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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to ask a guest to leave........

42 replies

nolembit · 08/01/2012 20:07

as they refused (rudely) to move their car when my neighbour asked them to?

OP posts:

Gigondas · 08/01/2012 20:07

No - tell em

GlitterySkulls · 08/01/2012 20:13

tell them to move the car, or leave- either way, the car won't be in the way any more.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 08/01/2012 20:14

What was their rude response?

ViviPru · 08/01/2012 20:19

Eh?

I'm confused (I blame the tupperware twat thread )

OK so your neighbour asked YOUR guest to move their car, said guest was rude, and now you're wondering if it would be unreasonable to ask said guest to leave? Yes?

Bogeyface · 08/01/2012 20:21

Not at all U no. And I wouldnt be inviting them back!

DoMeDon · 08/01/2012 20:22

I'm not sure - more info. Instinct says 'Yes' but it depends how rude I guess!?!

ViviPru · 08/01/2012 20:27

I'm trying to envisage this scenario. I'm assuming your guest is a friend/family member?

I think rather than just knee-jerk and ask them to leave, I'd have to sit down with the guest and say "wow, Guest, that was a bit harsh, is everything OK with you?" as it would be extremely out of character for any friend/family member of mine to be rude in those circumstances and I'd want to get to the bottom of what had caused such a response in them.

Original poster

nolembit · 08/01/2012 20:28

It was more an aggressive and rude attitude i.e I can park where I like it's a public road. They came into the house saying "who the f*k does he think he is!" and had clearly gone off on one. I then asked if they had moved the car, was told no. I then asked politely if they would and was told no. I then said move your car or leave (I may have said f*k off as I was by that point furious). They left. BTW there were plenty of other spaces, some of which were actually nearer my house.

OP posts:

DoMeDon · 08/01/2012 20:31

Why did the neighbour ask them to move if there were plenty of spaces then? I hate being asked to pass elsewhere when it's just room on a road I pay road tax to park on. So indeed 'who the fuck does he think he is' to ask them to move thier car?? Equally - no need to be horrid about it as it may cause you neighbour hassle and you're their freind.

ViviPru · 08/01/2012 20:33

Is this person usually like this? Who is this person to you? Why are you inviting a rude and aggressive person to your home?

sharenicely · 08/01/2012 20:33

If its a public road and there were other spaces why did they have to move?

SilkandSteel · 08/01/2012 20:35

Why was the neighbour asking them to move? Were they parked over their driveway obstructing their access?

sharenicely · 08/01/2012 20:36

From what you have said I think you were incredibly rude to tell your friends to f off.

billgrangersrisotto · 08/01/2012 20:37

Yep, at the moment YABU. Tell us more details.

JustHecate · 08/01/2012 20:40

It is a public road and there were other spaces. Your guest did nothing wrong by parking there and your neighbour has no right to park in a particular spot on a public road.

However, your guest had no right to go off on one at your neighbour and at the end of the day, you have to live there and he doesn't, so it's alright for him to mouth off, it's you who's left to deal with neighbour bad feeling, isn't it?

whatstheetiquette · 08/01/2012 20:43

I am not really sure why your neighbour had the right to ask anyone to move a legally parked, taxed car. Can you explain?

clam · 08/01/2012 20:49

I remember once, many years ago, my aunt being told very aggressively by one of my parents' neighbours to move her car as she was illegally parked outside their house. This was absolute crap - nothing illegal about it, they just lived at the end of a cul-de-sac and considered it "their" road. We'd had endless problems with their attitude and told my aunt we hoped she hadn't moved her car as it was a public road. She said of course she had - whilst she'd thought they were probably talking rubbish, she wasn't prepared to have a row with people who may or may not have been my parents' friends.
Therefore I think your friends were being unreasonable - they have been rude to your neighbours, probably unnecessarily, and caused you embarrassment. I'm not sure I would have asked them to leave, but I would have been cross and it would have made me reassess my opinion of them.

lazylula · 08/01/2012 20:49

TBH, if it is a public road and they were parked legally, as in not obstructing the neighbours drive ect then your neighbour was BU to ask them to move as they have paid their car tax so are free to park wherever they like as long as it ios safe and legal. The issue of them being rude is completely another issue, there is a poloite way of saying no, we will move when we leave so no need for rudeness and your guest should not have been rude to your neighbour, whether or not you were BU is for you to decide!

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 08/01/2012 20:53

You are the one who has to live with the neighbour though... your guest has put you in a tricky position and it could cause you no end of unpleasantness in the future just because they are too bone idle to move their car when asked. Even if your neighbour is a twat of the first order, asking to be awkward, your guest could have moved their car, you could all have laughed and said "ooo what a twat, poor nolembit living near that" and moved on. As it is, who knows how snotty your neighbour will get
I'd be asking my guest if it was really necessary to be rude and wind the nieghbour up for what is essentially nothing.

Original poster

nolembit · 08/01/2012 21:06

My guest was my DB who, when he last visited over 18 months ago, was deliberately obnoxious and cruel to me. I had been dreading his visit for days.

As he walked in the door he was being aggressive and swearing in front of my 3 DC's - loudly complaining about my neighbour whilst the door was still open. My heart sank as all my worries were realised.

I was initially polite asking him to "please" move his car (there is a history of ill-feeling in the village - all houses have their predecided unofficial spaces), I explained he would be creating a problem for me if he didn't move his car and he refused. I then used his own language back at him and gave him an ultimatum. He left.

My DH who had been upstairs came down to see what was going on and then went to apologise to our neighbour who said that my DB had been rude. BTW this neighbour is lovely.

BTW everyone in the village respects the space in front of each others houses despite it being a public road (very rural) and asks guests to park in "guests spaces". The benefits are that with a car full of children and shopping I can always park in front of my house. Obviously it doesn't always work and not everyone agrees with it.

Whatever the circumstances, if I had been asked by someone (when there were other spaces available) to move I would have done so without question. It's just polite. I don't need to know why unless they wish to share it with me. If someone tells me that something I am doing will cause them problems in their neighbourhood I would do my best to remedy the situation - whether I thought it was nonsense or not. They have to live there - I don't.

OP posts:

DaenerysTargaryen · 08/01/2012 21:12

ywnbu to ask him to leave bbecause he was being rude in your house but i dont see why guests should have to park in specific spaces when it is obviously not clear why. I'd be a bit tbh

ViviPru · 08/01/2012 21:16

Well in that case, I realise my original post is somewhat inaccurate. It should have read thus:

"it would be extremely out of character for any friend/family member of mine to be rude in those circumstances, except my toxic brother from whom this kind of behaviour is to be expected "

So with that in mind, YANBU, I suppose.

whatstheetiquette · 08/01/2012 21:20

The issue isn't the parking, the issue is your brother. I can see why your brother might have thought that it was an inappropriate request from your neighbours, but after you explained the deal and that it would cause problems for you, he was simply being a twat by not moving his car. You did well telling him to fuck off, perhaps he might not treat you as such a pushover next time.

RabidEchidna · 08/01/2012 21:21

I think if he was legally parked then it was rude of your neighbour to ask them to move, also do you think you were looking for a reason not to have to have him visit?

thenightsky · 08/01/2012 21:23

If it was a guest of mine i'd say chuck us yer keys and I'll shift it for you.

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