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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to be worried that son is sick, but worried about job

68 replies

lisaleelu · 08/01/2012 19:20

Oh I have just felt my stomach heave at the thought of having to call work and tell them I need time off coz my 3 year son is sick. He has just come out in spots and clearly has chicken pox. I feel like a bad mum became I am not really bothered he is ill. I know I should be but I just feel sick myself at the reaction from work. I was off for one day last june coz my 1 year old was sick and they were so horrible.

It says on the the web that you cant send them to nursery until the spots crust over and that could be a week. OMG work will have a fit.

I have absolutely no-one else to mind him and then if the baby gets it that could be longer. DH could have some time off but he has already had a week of just last week as his mum was really sick.

I feel so stressed.

OP posts:

HavePatience · 08/01/2012 21:00

How awful :( I have similar experience of my head being not so compassionate about me having to stay home when ds ill but all other teachers were lovely and understanding.

cheeseandbiscuitsplease · 08/01/2012 21:36

Lie. Say you have had severe s and d. I am a teacher too and that's what I would do. I know how you feel. I only work part time and husband works shifts so thankfully I am generally ok when either of my children are ill. Last week our head went home at dinner time early as she felt unwell and our assistant head was off for three days with flu like symptoms and tooth ache. Just made me think well if they not bothered from now on neither will I. We feel a huge sense of duty which i dont think people realise. Put your son first and lie. Have a week off taking care of him. Next time I feel ill I am ringing in sick instead of dragging myself in.

wherearemysocka · 08/01/2012 21:39

Given that schools rely so much on the goodwill of their staff to do anything above basic teaching (trips, revision classes, after school clubs) they are incredibly short sighted to give you such a hard time. I hope you'll be able to remind them of their lack of flexibility next time they need someone to give up their evening to supervise a school disco...

Original poster

lisaleelu · 08/01/2012 21:43

Lying just is not an option for me - i am just not good at it and feel it is bad karma. I have texted my boss and tol,f her ds is sick - no reply - but i know i cant lie.

OP posts:

HavePatience · 08/01/2012 21:47

I agree, you can't lie. I've gone into work feeling very, very ill recently as I knew this was expected. I kept widows open and constant hand washing... Etc for sake of students. But when dc are ill, no other option but home

Cherriesarelovely · 08/01/2012 22:48

Sending you my extreme sympathy. It is horrible that your school are so incredibly unpleasant about this, your DS is ill, there is nothing you can do about it. I totally understand how conflicted you feel. I am a teacher and at my current school our HT is absolutely fantastic about things like this so I am very lucky.

At my former school the HT was the opposite. In fact she was so unpleasant that I did not dare ask for the day off to attend the funeral of DPs lovely grandad to whom I was very close. I was, and still am, livid with myself for not doing it.

Just try to think about your DS OP and remember that you may feel awkward but that you are being there for your DS when he is poorly and that is really important. When you look back on this in years to come you will feel glad that you did. It is crap though I know!

ProPerformer · 08/01/2012 23:04

Just to say I feel your pain as have been in the same situation myself (I'm an LSA) ended up with me getting a disciplinary at school for my time off!! Luckily I had the assistant dep head overseeing said disciplinary and he basically quashed it!

If DC is ill and there's no one else to look after them then you have no choice! (If you do get flack from school and want the relevant sections of the law / regulations to quote at your back to work meeting PM me and I'll look them up for you from my notes I took at the time!)

Agree that doing half and half with DH may help, though it didn't in my case - my DS was off for just over a week.)

Jasper · 08/01/2012 23:12

can anyone answer why it is usually the mums, not the dads who take time off?

upahill · 08/01/2012 23:17

Jasper beat me to a point I was about to make.
Can't your DH take the time off?

When ours were small one of us took half a week and the other did the rest.

upahill · 08/01/2012 23:18

Is your DH getting as stressed as you are about DS's sickness?

HavePatience · 08/01/2012 23:25

She said in the op that her dh has taken time off with dc ill the last two times they were called from nursery...

Dh and I share the time off for dc illness but still horrid dealing with our employers for both of us.

HavePatience · 08/01/2012 23:27

Sorry 19:39 post not her op!

ShineYourButtonsWithBrasso · 08/01/2012 23:31

We are in the same situation, although not techers but we need holiday leave for school holidays

Doesn't help that DH works for the same company but he is a lot higher up the work chain than I am so unpaid leave for me is a small amount and unpaid leave for DH is unpaid bills in our house.

I work part time 5 days a week but put in 100% and extra (unpaid) time every day as well as doing more than expected of my position and I hope my boss realizes that. I have gone into work ill and even when I have been told not to.

Chicken pox is doing the rounds at nursery........

upahill · 08/01/2012 23:32

I apologise, I always make a point of reading everything before I comment. On this occasion I should be asleep but can't stop MNing!!!

GodisaDj · 08/01/2012 23:33

I know you said you'd text boss, just ensure you call first thing tomorrow too (follow absence reporting correctly) you were probably going to any way but thought I'd mention it- bosses don't like texts when finding out you're not coming in and if you didn't follow it correctly they could pull you up on it.

The employment law is that you can take a 'reasonable' amount of time off to care for a dependent to make alternative arrangements. In your case you can state you are looking into alternative arrangements, ie emergency nanny/husband/family etc but can't guarantee you'll be back this week.

Whilst they may be unhappy, they'd struggle to penalise you really. They'd need to define an unreasonable amount of time off... So 1 day last year and potentially 5 days this week isn't unreasonable. That's your argument if they get shirty in your RTW interview.

Try not to worry, what will be will be. They'll just be worried about their precious budgets - see how long it takes for them to ask about DS?!

ShineYourButtonsWithBrasso · 08/01/2012 23:39

Yes, our absence reporting is a phone call 30 minutes before you start work.

It's in the contract but sooo many people admit to not reading their contract when pulled up on this

Interesting post God I was put through hell with one employer nhs when my brother died suddenly and straight after DD2 caught chicken pox.

They made me feel completely unreasonable when I just needed time to support my mum and hen care for DD (unpaid of course)

storminabuttercup · 08/01/2012 23:46

I'm having to take tomorrow off too, ds has d&v, nursery obv don't take them and I wouldn't want him going anyway, my mum is Ill and there's noone else. I'm also in a panic as I've already had a few days off last year. I always take the time off as I work for a family friendly company, on paper at least, dp works in a factory setting that may be making redundancies, in his last job they gave the reason for his redundancy as he'd had 2 occasions of unplanned leave, one when I miscarried and he left work at lunch and the second time was a year later for ds' birth and paternity leave. Hence DP being petrified of taking time off as he hasn't been in this job long and doesn't know how they'd react! It's really but my job is secure so we have to use the companies understanding to our advantage!

Hope your ds is better soon!

Mydelilah · 09/01/2012 12:34

I'm sitting at home missing work now with 16mth old DS who has nasty s&d and totally sympathise with the OP - I feel extremely nauseous and stressed about having to take time, particularly as with two DCs these things happen twice as much and it is really adding up for me over the last few months. Work are fairly tolerant but I know it's damaging my reputation for reliability which in my line of work is a problem (not teaching, large private company). What to do though, DS is really very poorly and needs his mummy. Hopefully he'll be a bit better by tomorrow and maybe DH can take a day, but it's definitely even harder for him to take time and he gets lots of stressy emails from his boss when he takes compassionate leave, even though he works for the same large company with supposedly equal employment rights...

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