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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want go swimming with DH because of his hairy back

74 replies

ladyWinterfell · 07/01/2012 13:44

DH has just taken kids swimming, I am at home as I don't like to be in the pool with him. His back is so hairy, children stare. I notice them, he doesn't. I just can't relax and have fun as I just feel sad to see the reactions. In the summer I usually immac his back and then its not so in your face furry. Sigh.

OP posts:
YankNCock · 07/01/2012 14:19

well, if you say something that makes you sound like shallow snob, you will be treated as such. WTF did you expect? Hmm

Original poster
ladyWinterfell · 07/01/2012 14:20

To those who love a hairy back, I feel I must just add, hmmm- TMI warning...

When kids had head lice the first time and we were not on the ball so whole family got infested. I had to nit comb DH back. There were ALOT of eggs down there.

I think that may have been the point in which I went off it somewhat. Hmm

OP posts:
pictish · 07/01/2012 14:22

I quite agree yank!

Op - why not extend some of the pleasantries you seem to think you are entitled to from us, to your husband? Hmm

pictish · 07/01/2012 14:23

Bollocks you did. If he had lice in his back hair he would've shaved it. You're full of it OP!

FannyPriceless · 07/01/2012 14:24

My DH has a hairy back. I am so glad he marrried me because I actually love him. All of him. If people stare at him at the swimming pool I really wouldn't know, as we are too busy having fun, splashing with the kids, and enjoying some special family time together.

I you love him, surely you get to the point where you just see past this. Imagine how it makes him feel knowing that you can only see this 'imperfection' in him, which he knows you don't accept. That's not really very nice, is it?

mayorquimby · 07/01/2012 14:26

he's probably embarrassed by his wifes shocking personality tbf.
So swings and roundabouts.

BarkisIsWillin · 07/01/2012 14:26

ASByatt - we shall have to talk some other time - sucha Tower of Babel in here I can barely hear you!

pictish · 07/01/2012 14:27

This is all a load of rubbish.

YankNCock · 07/01/2012 14:28

Regardless of your 'reasons' for finding it offputting, you are being horrible putting your own insecurities on to your DH. If he's happy going swimming as he is, why are YOU insisting on coating him in Immac or refusing to be seen with him? This is entirely YOUR problem and you need to get over it.

Carry on like you are, and you show your kids it's ok to make fun of differences--how can you tell them not to when you do it to your own husband?

OTheHugeManatee · 07/01/2012 14:30

I love fuzzy men! DP is fuzzy all over - it's part of his charm. I can't bear the whole primped and immac'd 'magazine man' look. Ugh.

OP, YABVU indeed Hmm

I'm rofling a teeny bit at you having to nit-comb your DH's back though Grin

Reggaegirl · 07/01/2012 14:34

YABU . Embrace the hairiness (it is warm in bed to cuddle!) and also that you seem to have a nice husband who wants to do activities with his DC x

Original poster
ladyWinterfell · 07/01/2012 14:39

I do embrace his hairiness at home, and will get a grip and join them in the pool next time. (after making sure my legs are hair free)
Thanks for the virtual 'pull up' on my less than lady like behaviour Smile

OP posts:
ApplesinmyPocket · 07/01/2012 15:00

I swim most days and lots of men have hairy backs. I can't imagine why it would bother anyone so much that the OP feels 'sad to see their reactions' and I can't really imagine 'children staring' either.

I much prefer a naturally hairy man to that artificial shaved-and-shiny look that's popular these days, reminds me of Barbie's bloke, all pink plastic. Perhaps you would prefer him, in fact, to look like Ken in his swimmers?)

ApplesinmyPocket · 07/01/2012 15:02

Awww cross-posted with OP's gracious turnaround. Sorry, LadyW :) I still think the Ken pic is funny though Wink

aldiwhore · 07/01/2012 15:17

I'm glad I read this thread because after reading the op ladywinterfall I was going to launch into a rather nasty tirade about you and your outlook on life... however, I can't do that now can I? tsk.

The kids are probably thinking 'wow hairy' and nothing more, rather than 'ew'. The adults will be mostly thinking the same.

It great that your DH feels comfortable and confident enough to go swimming, you should really salute him shouldn't you rather than cringe and shy away?

I hope that if you do get dimply thighs, your DH will still be seen swimming with you. x

frumpet · 07/01/2012 15:30

Are you mad letting him out of your sight when there are other women out there who find hirsute men as sexy as i do Grin. I cannot believe he lets you immacc him , whose suggestion was it ?

myexisatwat · 07/01/2012 15:51

This is bullshit OP but thanks for reminding me of the above.

Hairynigel · 07/01/2012 16:38

DP is very hairy and has lots of psoriasis, I can't say he's got the sexiest body I've ever seen but I'd never be embarrassed about being seen in the pool with him! God, I bet he has no self esteem with you as a wife.

Hairy backs are great anyway, means more chance of an in growing hair and some pus porn :o

LRDtheFeministDragon · 07/01/2012 19:46

Ah, children stare at all sorts of things. DH is so furry he looks as if he is wearing a fur waistcoat. And he's bearded. Small children have occasionally mistaken him for a bear-man.

(Never got the ingrown hair thing though, that's revolting!)

If your DH isn't fussed about it, would making a jokey comment help you feel better about it in public? It's sometimes easier to say something and break the silent staring. I assume you find him sexy for some reasons, and you might as well let people assume he's got a hairy back because he and you find it wildly sexy.

(Btw, does the embarrassment mean you feel somehow responsible for him not having removed it?! Or what? Confused)

yellowraincoat · 07/01/2012 19:48

Do you honestly think people are staring? I find people are mega paranoid but they're probably not even thinking about you at all.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 07/01/2012 19:51

I have to say - I am 100% sure children do stare if she says they do. We've had children comment, stare, all sorts. That is what children are like.

Incidentally, if you watch a baby seeing his or her first bearded man, that baby will be either fascinated or terrified, I promise - it's like they can't work out which way up the face i meant to be!

It's not terribly surprising IMO.

yellowraincoat · 07/01/2012 19:52

Maybe children stare - not that big a deal is it? Kids stare at anything that's not 100% usual, I used to stare at men in glasses.

SecretMinceRinser · 07/01/2012 20:38

I agree yellow. I used to stare at men with hairy backs when I went swimming. Only because my dad had no hairs on his back so it seemed unusual to me. Kids stare at stuff it's no big deal. I dropped ds off at the creche the other week while I was taking dd for her swimming lesson and a boy asked me why I had spots all over me so I had to tell him they were freckles Grin

happydotcom · 07/01/2012 20:42

My DH has 3 big scars from having malignant moles removed. He doesn't care what other swimmers think - we're all just glad to have him here..................scars and all.

YABU - unkind and shallow ( if this is for real)

madasa · 07/01/2012 20:45

My DP has the most 'furry' body I have ever seen, including his back.
He is so self concious about it that he won't come swimming with me....it makes me really sad.