to put 4 DSs on exH doorstep tonight?

[mumof4sons]

My xH has the boys every other weekend. Christmas holidays messed with these arrangements. He had the boys the weekend before Christmas and the Christmas weekend (as it was his year with DSs). His scheduled weekend should have been the New Years weekend - I had them. He said that he would have them this weekend, and we would start the every other weekend from this weekend.

I find out this afternoon that he is now not having them - arranged it with my 2 eldest DCs (18 & 16), but I was never told by boys or exH. My eldest DCs know I am not happy.

I have plans for this weekend. Plans made ages ago. Plans that include me staying the night with my BF, whom I haven't seen since before Christmas.

AIBU to dump them on the doorstep tonight? I mean, I need a life too.

I would be very tempted to do it in your shoes I haven't seen my BF since before Christmas and he is here tonight

damn. Strike out fail.

Of course YABU to dump them on the doorstep

They're human beings, not bloody bin bags

How old are the youngest two, can they not be left at home in the care of the eldest? Don't the oldest two make their own arrangements with your ex rather than set weekends at this age?

how old are the younger ones?

yanbu u are entitled to a life too!!

I think mumof4sons might want all the kids offside this weekend and therefore getting big ones to mind wee ones isn't really an option or at least that's how I would feel but I am planning a shagfest of epic proportions

Whilst this isn't your fault, your parenting responsibilities come before social life so you can't dump them despite the history of events.

Can you arrange a babysitter and get your ex husband to pay considering he is backing out of the arrangement.

Oh good plan. That should make them feel loved.

Are you the same lady who was not feeling the as spirit before christmas as boys were at exH and you were alone? Sorry if I'm mixing yu up wirh someone else. If you are though I think you are not BU. You have already had a shit christmas. Either ask your older boys to look after the younger 2 or TELL your exH he is having them as you have plans.

It's not right for your sons.

My youngest DCs are 14 and 11. They know that I love them. Hell I am here for them 24/7. I have had them all the school holidays except for 24 hours over the Christmas weekend.

If it were just my 18 and 16 year olds here I would leave them. They can take of themselves, but not the 14 and 11 year olds.

Totally you got it in one. I want the house to myself to tidy up after the holidays. I want to go and see my boyfriend and have a very grown up night tomorrow. I have been looking forward to this weekend since the 16th December.

YABU.

I always go by the rule that if ex and I haven't spoken about changes to arrangements, then the original plan still stands. Even if he has told the dc otherwise. I do end up phoning and texting too much to make sure things are confirmed, which I shouldn't have to, but at least I don't end up in situations like this.

Have you actually spoken to your ex about this?

I would tell the adult 18 year old that he is now reponsible for the younger two. The 16 year old is old enough to be married and working, so can look after himself and help to look after the younger two (who aren't actually that young).

To those of you who are telling mumof4boys to get the older ones to mind the younger ones, don't you think big teenage boys might have plans to meet girlfriends/mates/get bladdered tomorrow night?

Plus, her exH said he'd have the kids this weekend and she planned around that.

I have been there with a flaky ex who changes things to suit him with no notice worth a damn and it is highly irritating.

kitchenroll I have been emailing and texting all afternoon. He will not reply. I phoned his office, he refuse to take the call. I called him on my son's phone and he hung up on me.

Had a bit of a rant at my 16yo who was the one who agreed to change of plans and he has now sorted it out with his dad and they are going now. Hooray!!

And linerunner if he's an adult she can hardly tell him, can she? She can ask, but he can say no.

Sorry mumof4sons

YABU the two older ones are more than old enough to ensure the younger ones are ok

I used to baby sit and be a teatime girl for various aged children including toddlers at age 14

if your children at 18 & 16 can't be trusted to look after the others, then that's a massive problem

Oh x-posts mumof - glad it's all sorted

That's rubbish OP but I think you should talk to your boys about how they would feel if you left them overnight. At 18, 16, 14 and 11 they should be able to cope. To be honest the only one I'd have qualms about is the 11 year old but with the older ones about he should be fine. I was babysitting 10 year olds at 14 and had no problems and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Can you afford to bribe them by saying they can order a take out? Most boys of that age I know would relish a night unsupervised but be prepared to pay by tidying up a mess when you get home.

It was the 18 and 16 year old who dropped the OP in her predicament, though.