to put 4 DSs on exH doorstep tonight?

[mumof4sons]

My xH has the boys every other weekend. Christmas holidays messed with these arrangements. He had the boys the weekend before Christmas and the Christmas weekend (as it was his year with DSs). His scheduled weekend should have been the New Years weekend - I had them. He said that he would have them this weekend, and we would start the every other weekend from this weekend.

I find out this afternoon that he is now not having them - arranged it with my 2 eldest DCs (18 & 16), but I was never told by boys or exH. My eldest DCs know I am not happy.

I have plans for this weekend. Plans made ages ago. Plans that include me staying the night with my BF, whom I haven't seen since before Christmas.

AIBU to dump them on the doorstep tonight? I mean, I need a life too.

Sorry x posted got distracted by DD before I got a chance to hit send. Glad its sorted

Well, I'd disagree. I'd say it was the ex for changing stuff without consultation - he's the other parent in the scenario, and my view would be that he should talk to mumof directly if he's making a change like that.

But yes, I'm very glad for mumof that it's sorted

Thank you Totally for sticking up with me.

My 18yo has Aspergers and OCD and is barely capable of taking care of himself much less be responsible for his younger brothers. My 16yo should be enjoying himself and not looking after his younger brothers. My 14yo and 11yo constantly fight - so not a good idea to leave them in the care of older brothers - WW3 would break out in my home.

What pissed me off is xH had agreed to this before Christmas and I had to change my plans around him the New years weekend. it also pissed me off that he wouldn't answer my text or emails.

Have a nice time at the shagfest mumof4sons, glad it all worked out in the end. Just goes to show that having kids would mean kissing goodbye to social life.

mumof4sons - my ex does this. Changes stuff at short notice to suit himself. Discusses with the kids and not me. It's really really irritating. It makes it hard to plan to have a life for yourself.

And pardon me but when I am planning on lots and lots of sex I do not want my big teen sons/daughters sitting downstairs listening.

To all of you who are saying get the biggers to mind the smallers - do you have teens? Can't you remember what it was like to be 18 and be going out with your mates? Can you honestly say you would have changed your drinking plans to accommodate your mum's sex life??

PS mumof have pm'd you

Actually Totallyscunnered there were a number of occasions between the ages of 14 and 20 when I changed my plans to help my mum out with younger siblings. Least I could do for her after everything she did for me.

Didn't realise OPs 18 year old had aspergers and OCD though and it does make a difference to the situation

Yes I have teens and they wouldn't agree with their dad to change a weekend without checking with me first.

I'm really glad you sorted it out with your Ex, OP. I agree with you and others by the way that your Ex shouldn't have done this in the first place. Sorry for not saying this earlier. I was just trying to find a way of getting you your planned weekend.

I also didn't know that that the 18 year had aspergers and OCD as it wasn't in the original post, and agree that this makes a difference to the situation; although I would say that that makes the idea of putting the boys on the Ex's doorstep (thread title) very much left in the 'vent' category.