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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to want DDs friend's in my bedroom?

54 replies

Jezabelle · 06/01/2012 14:40

DDs are 5 and 3. I don't like the idea of their friends/ other family friend's children going into my room! I wouldn't mind with other 3 year olds so much, but the older the children get the more I object. I just feel like my room is private. Part of the reason is that it is usually a complete mess Blush. I lurk on the babysteps goodhousekeeping book and am getting a bit better! I hate the thought of the children's parents going up to retrieve their child and having to walk into my messy bedroom. But even if it was tidy, I just wouldn't like the idea of other peoples kids in there.

I am happy for my own kids to play in there, but tell them that if their friends are round my room is out of bounds and if their friends go in there they're to tell them they're not allowed. I also tell DD1 that she mustn't go into her friends mummy and daddy's rooms when she goes to their house unless they say it is ok. Is this something others do or is it just a wierdism of mine?

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 06/01/2012 15:59

mabel don't your kids want to play in their bedrooms at all when they have friends over?

I agree with sparkling Grin

hwjm1945 · 06/01/2012 19:23

YANBU- we institued a no friends in our room rule when I found a neighbour's 10 yea old boy hiding in my bed, on a game of hide and seek - just felt really bad! don't mind my kids in there, but not to open drwers etc, they might get a shock !

BandOMothers · 06/01/2012 19:26

Oh very normal....I dont want DDs mates looking at my pants!

IloveJudgeJudy · 06/01/2012 19:51

No, quite normal. When DC were younger, no-one was allowed upstairs. This was after a few times of all the toys in all the bedrooms (not ours, luckily, we don't have toys Wink) being distributed everywhere.

Quite usual in our circle of friends and family.

Cherriesarelovely · 06/01/2012 19:53

YANBU and I wouldn't care if anyone thought I was on this one! It just doesn't feel right does it?!

pollyblue · 06/01/2012 19:57

YANBU. I don't let my three play in my room and there's a strict no-friends policy if any friends are round. DD is pretty good really - it helps I make stained glass and usually have glass/lead etc in the room - she's old enough to understand that it could be dangerous so she needs to keep out.

FabbyChic · 06/01/2012 19:59

I never had kids in my bedroom either when mine were young, its a private space

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 06/01/2012 20:00

I was never allowed in my parents room without asking (if they weren't in it) and I don't see any reason not to be the same, they don't need to be in there and it's one less place to get in a mess! You also don't have to worry about make up/nail polish--/'toys' ... so friends, not a hope in hell. It's my room, not a playroom!

KateShmate · 06/01/2012 20:03

YANBU - one of my DD's and her friend (4) went upstairs the other day to 'find something' - both came downstairs 2 minutes later parading around with my pants around their necks... Hmm

Backtobedlam · 06/01/2012 20:04

I don't let my kids or others play in my room-I want at least one room in the house that is all mine and not over run with kids things. I do let mine come in to watch tv sometimes at night and in the morning but wouldn't let others children.

I had one incident where dc1's friend was in my room and had some of my jewellery out, a pendant got lost (luckily found in the shower and hadn't gone down the plug) but it was of huge sentimental value and id have been so upset to lose it.

I make a point of telling the dc's and friends they can play upstairs in dc's rooms but not to go in any of the other rooms.

Now

JustHecate · 06/01/2012 20:05

Yeah, don't have children in your bedroom.

My sister and her husband came to stay with us, with their toddler daughter (my boys were also toddlers) we thought they were playing in the lads' room. Went upstairs to check on them and they had gone into my room, found my... well, let's just say they were waving it around like a small pink buzzing lightsaber...

SecretMinceRinser · 06/01/2012 20:06

I don't personally mind my kids/their friends going in my room. There's nothing private in there and it's reasonably tidy. And any time parents go upstairs to retrieve their kids my house seems to look like I've been burgled regardless of how I left it anyway!
But YANBU at all imo. Your house = your rules. I know a lot of people who have a no kids in the parents bedroom rule and dd(4) knows she's not allowed in parents/siblings of friends bedrooms without them specifically saying otherwise.

RedHotPokers · 06/01/2012 20:11

YANBU. Tbh I don't even like my own DCs playing in my room.
Happy for them to come in for a cuddle in the morning of course, but the minute they start dragging in toys, they are promptly booted out!

verytellytubby · 06/01/2012 20:26

Luckily my bedroom is in the attic so the kids very rarely go up there. I would hate kids to play in MY bedroom.

chipmunksex · 06/01/2012 20:42

What a relief- I had thought I was a bit weird about this, after dd coming home from her friend's house saying she'd been bouncing on the big bed! Shock

Our bedroom is a shocking pit, 'tis always the last place in the house to be cleaned and as such often gets left.

Morloth · 07/01/2012 06:00

Nope not being unreasonable.

In our flat where there wasn't much space the only room off limits was our room. As other posters have said, even my own children need a reason and permission to be in therr, that is our adult space.

In our new house the entire upstairs is off limits, there is a playroom and a bathroom on the ground floor, a yard and all the rest of it, no reason whatsoever for kids to be upstairs (the boy's bedroom is just that, a room with beds in for sleeping).

Glittertwins · 07/01/2012 06:15

Definitely not unreasonable! Our room is also in the loft and the second set of stairs upwards is out of bounds when friends are over without question.
Our DCs can come up when we are in there, outside of work hours (office stuff also up there) but not to play. I don't want them using my nice shoe and makeup collection for dressing up in more than anything! They have the run of 1st floor which is more than ample space!

skybluepearl · 07/01/2012 06:17

I am the same.

I had to tell off a 10 year old cousin who kept going into my bedroom after I'd told him twice not to.

VikingBlood · 07/01/2012 07:51

We have our own quarters where our kids are not allowed to trespass play. We also respect their space, we know before going into their rooms and I tell them in advance that I'll be hoovering for example.

VikingBlood · 07/01/2012 07:52

knock not know.

antsypants · 07/01/2012 08:35

All the stuff I move from the front room to make it look well organised and tidy when visitors come is stuffed in my bedroom, so no, no children allowed.

Original poster
Jezabelle · 07/01/2012 17:59

So, there seems to be a concensus. IANBU!

Another question if I may. Do siblings have to let each other into each other's rooms? (IYSWIM). My girls are 5 and 3 and generally play well together. I do usually allow 5 year old to play in her room by herself on the occassions she does want to and try explaining to DD2 that she just wants to be alone for a bit and will play later. But when DD1s friends come over, they sometimes try to exclude DD2 by shutting the door on her and constructing barriers! DD2 feels very left out and gets very upset.

If she had a friend over I'd say she had to play with them in her room, but if not it seems a bit mean to say she has to play in her room alone when the others are playing together. It particularly pisses me off when DD1 has a horrid friend over and I hear her saying, "Let's close the door so babyJezabelle can't get in!"

OP posts:
Jasper · 07/01/2012 18:07

Yup, high up lock works for me too

Hulababy · 07/01/2012 18:07

YANBU. I don't let DD or her friend splay in our bedroom. It is out of bounds for playing. We keep the door shut and DD is very aware our bedroom is a no go area, and if her friends did go in she would tell them so. Seems to be the norm for most people we know too.

Oakmaiden · 07/01/2012 18:18

I agree with the consensus - my bedroom is for me (though I do let my husband in, reluctantly...). My children are only allowed in if I am in there already, and then they need to knock before they are allowed in.

As fo children's rooms... in fairness it is very difficult. IU do think your elder daughter should be able to play with her friends without having to include her little sister all the time. Which is terribly hard for the younger child, I know. I have a similar age gap (my two youngest are now 6 and 8) and when one has a friend over I try to either invite someone over for the other child too, or solicit and invitation for the other child to go to someone else's house (both hard at 3, I know, but will get easier in a year or two) or finally include the younger child in what I am doing (cooking with me, or sometimes setting out some crafts etc. Although then I often ended up with all the children wanting to join in anyway!)

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