re when my Ex sees our DC?

[hatesponge]

I don't think I am BU (who does when they post here!), he clearly does but he is a tosser of the highest order who frankly thinks everything I do is wrong, so as he kicks off about most things and always wants his own way it's hard to get perspective...

Anyway, DC live with me in the week. They see him every other weekend Fri eve-Sun eve. He also sees DC2 one night each week for a few hours to take him to a sporting club. This is just agreed by us, no court order or anything in place.

Last weekend DC were with him Fri-Sun. This weekend which should therefore be 'mine' DC tell me they have arranged to go shopping with him to spend some of their Xmas money. He texts me to ask if this is ok - I say well yes (it's arranged, I think I may as well let it go ahead rather than disappoint the children) but I'd like you to drop the DC back late afternoon.

His response is to ask why he can't have them overnight. I pointed out it's my weekend. He is not happy about that and is now refusing to confirm when he'll bring them back . This is his usual tactic when things dont go his way.

So, AIBU to have asked for them to come home at a particular time, given it is 'my' weekend; and also WIBU if I say well if you can't agree to them coming back at that time, then you can see them next weekend instead, when it's 'your' weekend?

So he wasn't really being unreasonable was he?

Youllbewaiting I don't think it's reasonable to insist on last minute changes to arrangements without adequate notice and proper communication! If he had communicated properly in the first instance, there wouldn't have been an issue, as the OP has made clear.

Glad you sorted it out in the end.

I agree with those that say though that the my weekend/his weekend thing smacks of ownership too much, this is not about YOU or your Ex, it's about the children.

If THEY want to spend time with him, that's good and you should be happy that they are happy.

This man is their father, it's not a business arrangement! There has to be some degree of spontaneity left in the relationship he has with his kids too, surely? What about a time when you want to do something last minute? Or heaven forbid you have an emergency and need him to step in at short notice.

Totally agree with the spontaneity comment, but it's not on to go arranging things for the children without checking first that the other parent hasn't got plans. You do have to loosely have "yours" and "my" weekends, otherwise things would be all over the place.

Houdini, the OP did mention the children weren't keen to stay overnight due to having to sleep on the sofa. I agree that at their age their views should also be considered.

Yes, there will be a need for some flexibility from all parties, but there's no excuse for his lack of communication with OP, and making assumptions about the childrens' availability.