To be upset/angry with my Dad and with DH....

[SeaGullPoo]

I'm a regular who has name changed as this is a bit sensitive!

Basically I have recently found out I have PIP breast implants, I went for an MRI yesterday and it shows a rupture, am seeing surgeon to discuss extent of damage this morning and he will be operating on Monday.

Only DH, my Mum & my Dad know I have implants.. I only told my Dad about this as the other day, it's a very personal thing for me but I figured if I was going to need surgery he should know. He then went for lunch with my brother & Brothers wife yesterday and told them!!! He has also told his GF.. I'm pretty upset by this.

I have a 1 year old who the surgeon has instructed me to sto breast feeding due to the rupture, cue a very sleepless night last night & baby awake at 5am crying... Dh was in DS2's room and had fallen asleep there after putting him back to bed, I went in and asked him crossly to come back to bed as baby could see he wasn't there and wanted to get up, he went back to sleep. Baby then carried on crying so I got up and stomped went downstairs. DH got up angry that I had woken him and said I was a lazy bitch and selfish.

I'm really upset and not really thinking staright as seeing surgeon in a hour an dhave been up since half five, aibu??

I think you are right to be upset with your Dad, it;s not his business to tell. Your dh however might be a bit annoyed with you, after all his baby has been upset because of breast implants.

SeaGull, I hope the appointment goes well. Sounds like an absolute mare. I was thinking about having a breast uplift which would have involved a small implant last year but in the end decided the gain was not worth the pain. But I am a lot older than you, had I been 20 years younger I would probably have gone ahead.
Kids, stress and sleeplessness do not make for a happy mix, be strong and get through today.

Dimple, nice comment. (NOT)

Well your dad certainly shouldn;t have told everyone if you had told him in cofidence. Wth regards to your DH then he shouldn't have called you a lazy bitch but sleep deprivation makes us behave out of character so if he doesn't usually talk to you like this then cut him some slack.

It's not his fault he fell asleep in another room and he's probably smarting because you woke him up by talking to him crossly for no good reason (in his mind), after all his returning didn;t stop the baby crying.

Anyway good luck with the surgeon today and I hope you can get the help you need to repair any possible damage.

Your dad shouldn't have told other people your private business.

You were a bit U with your DH though... he couldn't help falling asleep. He shouldn't have called you names. It sounds like there's a lot of stress and sleep deprivation (understandably).

Can you not BF your 1-y-o on the side without the rupture? I think you could do with some of the feelgood breastfeeding hormones right now. Maybe ask the doc?

dimple wtf?!

Your husband was totally out of order - is it possible that he is stressed and worried for your health? It certainly wouldn't excuse his behaviour but possibly could explain his bad behaviour.

Your dad is unreasonable although again could he have told your brother in the spirit of being worried about you and needing to offload? Does he know just how important it is to you that no one knows?

Really sorry you are going through this it must be an enormous worry. I hope you have someone in rl who is more concerned for your well being.

WTF? Her DH has no right to be annoyed because "his" baby has been upset "because of breast implants". What a spectacularly unhelpful comment.

OP you are clearly worried and I understand why. Your family should be supporting you. It's possible that your dad has told people because he's really worried too and needs to talk about / wants to make sure people know what you are going through.

Your DH is being an arse. Has he really understood what the situation is? I would sit him down and explain that you are not a selfish bitch but very scared. If he can't hold your hand and reassure you when you have a serious health scare, he is the selfish one.

Very much hope that all goes well for you on Monday.

Wtf.dimple that's a fucking stupid thing to say. OP, your dh is being a shit.

I don't think it is, if I was a man and my wife had had breast implants that were defective I would be annoyed that my child had been put at risk and made to suffer by the sudden withdrawal of breast feeding.
Granted the failure rate of implants is supposedly rare but I would still be angry that my child was the one suffering.
My opinion.

Neither you or your dh should be looking to blame each other for anything at a stressful time like this, you both need to be giving each other lots of slack. You need to recognise that this will be very hard for him too and not make all of it about you, although you obviously deserve lots of support too.

Did your Dad know that you wanted to keep the information confidential? If you specifically told him not to tell, then he was BU, but if not then he wasn't to know and you cant blame him. I have to say, nothing like this would stat a secret in my family, and as long as you trust your family to be supportive then I would try to not focus on the fact that your Dad told.

It is extremely unacceptable for a husband to call his DW a bitch.

When things are calmer, I think you should explain this to him in words of one syllable.

Presumably the OPs dh has been quite happy to enjoy looking at the breast implants up til now. No, I still think its a spectacularly stupid and mean thing to say to an OP who has massive worries about her health and has posted for support.

All the people that are slagging off the DH, she had a go at him too! We have a no name calling rule for arguments, but I would be inclined to call someone a name if they woke me up after hardly any sleep by having a go too.

That doesn't make me a shit, it makes me human.

This is hard for the dh too, things like this are often very hard for the spouse, if not harder.

You don't tell us whether you impressed the need for confidentiality upon your Dad, or made clear how few people knew, so it's impossible to tell whether you're right to feel angry with him.

Anyway, hope it all goes smoothly and you feel much better in a day or two.

I wonder if the OP had a cancer scare and her DH had behaved in this way whether people would be reacting like this.

Yes, sleep deprivation and stress don't bring out the best in anyone. But sleep deprivation, stress, fear for your health plus a massive whack to your hormones by having to stop BF cold turkey does, IMHO, trump that and mean that the DH in this situation is the one that should be cutting some slack.

And calling someone a lazy selfish bitch is hardly a minor sleepy grump, is it? My DH would NEVER call me that.

OP, this is not your fault and frankly I've been pretty appalled by a lot of the opinions and news coverage around this issue. Personally I feel that it is very sad that women feel the need to alter their bodies surgically to fit some "norm" however those that say it is "vanity" or "selfishness" and therefore they deserve the results of this company deliberately putting thousands of womens' lives at risk to make a profit can fuck right off IMO. We are under so so much pressure to look and act a certain way. And nobody who had these implants willingly paid to have industrial grade silicon inserted into their body. Nobody deserves to be "punished" by having to go through what you are currently experiencing.

OP, try not to worry, and look after yourself if nobody else will.

Right, because sleep deprivation, stress, fear for your wife's health, and having to deal with a baby who has gone cold turkey on bfing is nothing then?

This is a stressful time for OP and her DH as a couple. One persons position does not trump the other, they are both equally hard just in different ways. It is not a competition about who has the right to feel the most stress, they both deserve equal support from each other. They need to give each other lots of slack, and that means the DH has to forgive his wife for waking him up angrily when she was stressed, and she has to forgive him for calling her a name after being abrubtly and angrily woken up.

Waking someone up because you want help with their child = ok to call someone a lazy bitch?

In what world?

Quite.

First of all, good luck with the appt - hope all goes well, & the op goes smoothly on MOnday - must be hugely scary.

Agree with most others - your dad is totally out of order esp ito telling your brother (I tend to assume that partners will tell each other this sort of thing, but I realise that depends on the relationships involved) If you haven't already, you need to impress on your dad that he is not to tell anyone else asap.

Ito your dh, of course he shouldn't have called you a lazy bitch, but it sounds like he has been trying to help & you both just had the short-tempered-ness that is an inevitable result of high stress & low sleep. (I'm not quite clear what he did wrong tbh, other than falling asleep in the wrong place?) I would make up, & make sure you support each other through the next few days.

sorry, should have written "what he did wrong originally" ie why op was originally cross - clearly name calling not appropriate.

I dunno, I think that having a ruptured breast implant, having to stop breastfeeding of it and facing imminent surgery trumps having a wife in that situation.

It is extremely unacceptable for a husband to call his DW a bitch.

agree but wonder what she said to him when she stomped into the child's room and demanded he got back to his own bed!

Waking someone up because you want help wth their child isn't the problem. It's the way the OP woke her DH up. Theres a big difference between waking someone up by cross words i.e.shouting and abuse and waking someone up calmly and asking for help.
BTW OP I do take your health concerns seriously and imagine it must be a terrible worry to you but I think in this case you and DH need to put this mornings silly squabble behind you and support each other through this difficult time.