To be upset/angry with my Dad and with DH....

[SeaGullPoo]

I'm a regular who has name changed as this is a bit sensitive!

Basically I have recently found out I have PIP breast implants, I went for an MRI yesterday and it shows a rupture, am seeing surgeon to discuss extent of damage this morning and he will be operating on Monday.

Only DH, my Mum & my Dad know I have implants.. I only told my Dad about this as the other day, it's a very personal thing for me but I figured if I was going to need surgery he should know. He then went for lunch with my brother & Brothers wife yesterday and told them!!! He has also told his GF.. I'm pretty upset by this.

I have a 1 year old who the surgeon has instructed me to sto breast feeding due to the rupture, cue a very sleepless night last night & baby awake at 5am crying... Dh was in DS2's room and had fallen asleep there after putting him back to bed, I went in and asked him crossly to come back to bed as baby could see he wasn't there and wanted to get up, he went back to sleep. Baby then carried on crying so I got up and stomped went downstairs. DH got up angry that I had woken him and said I was a lazy bitch and selfish.

I'm really upset and not really thinking staright as seeing surgeon in a hour an dhave been up since half five, aibu??

and people seem to have conveniently skimmed over the fact that the man was asleep after having settled the child in the night and the woman went in and woke him up needlessly

How can the family support her, if they don't know.

Your father has told other close family members, not strangers. Do you not thiunk that your parents may be worried and need to share this. You are undertaking surgery. They will have their own set of fears.

The settling in of your son into a different feeding routine and both your handling of this, is a seperate issue.

loosy she woke him because she wanted him in the room with the other baby, hardly needlessly.

I find there is nothing more irritating than DH taking one of the older DC's to bed, reading to them and falling asleep whilst I am left with DC4 who refuses to settle, whilst he snores through it. In those circumstances DH is liable to get woken with a fairly short "are you coming to bed" and a hurumphh. He would never in a million years respond by calling me a lazy bitch. Sympathies to those who have DH's who would.

Noblegirraffe, I disagree, although I know I can only speak for the way I would feel. I can honestly say I would prefer to be the one to have something like that happen to me rather than have to face something like that happening to dh. It would be easier for me to cope with what it happening to me because I would be in control of myself. Bottom line is I am much more scared of something happening to dh than I am scared of it happening to me.

People deal with things differently.

Either way, for a couple to successfully get through these things they have to do it together, and that means both partners acknowledging the other stress. It doesn't mean it all gets to be about one person and that person is the only one worthy of support because the problem is physically happening to them.

I agree there is no way the DH should have said what he did, but OP admits she was angry. She didn't say what she said though or how she said it, and there are two sides to every story.

Oh FFS.

Who slept where/said what doesn't matter.

What matters is the fact that the OP had implants for reasons that we DON'T KNOW and have no right to judge anyway, she is shit scared of the implications of the rupture, she has dc to worry about, the baby is one, not a day old, it won't die without breastfeeding, she is in about the 1% of mothers that breastfeed for that long.

Her dh should be supporting her. His partner has had terrible news and his thoughts should be only of her and what he can do to mitigate the situation.

Her dad probably told out of shock and worry. Wrong, but all too common.

Op, big hugs and I really hope things are ok. Don't get sucked into the bollocks of who called who what and the rights and wrongs of implants. You have enough to deal with.

I understand being stressed and worried about his wife's health. I don't understand him manifesting that stress and worry by calling the person he is supposedly stressed and worried about a lazy bitch. That suggests more concern for himself to me. His job is to support his wife, not insult her. Of course she should support him too, but complaints about his position should go elsewhere.

In contrast, I could understand the one going through the trauma lashing out at their nearest and dearest.

Really? She has an hour before seeing a surgeon to discuss an urgent op for a life-threatening event on Monday, and she's being unreasonable.

How is that even possible?

Hope it all goes well today.

I think that whether yabu or not is irrelevant in the circumstances. I suspect I would struggle to be reasonable in your shoes. Fingers crossed x

I quite like bully, almost as much as hulky.

What about bulky?

you've gone too far now Knid.

Right, no more jokes hereabouts from me.

Just crossing of fingers and positive vibes and hugs for the OP.

what a coincidence that PIP implants have been in the news just this last week, and here we have someone posting on mn (under a namechange of course) who has had a MRI scan and coincidentally a rupture and will be operated on on Monday. Remarkable.

Nooooo, not my medals and ceremonious honours!

As it happens, I agree with you, Hully. (Not about my medals and ceremonious honours.)

OP, I wish you all the best and hope it goes well on Monday.

Wannabe - I thought that initially but then assumed that prob private medcal care in which case the speed of MRI etc more understandable?

Seagullpoo you KNOW you were unreasonable to be snappy at your DH really don't you? He was unreasonable to call you names, but I'd let him off this due to the fact that you were snappy with him because you're worried, and it was so early in the morning. Basically, its okay to be snappy with each other and unreasonable at times if you hug and make up, apologise to each other. If your marriage is otherwise good, its no great shakes.

As for you dad. Hmm. Well I talk about my kids. My parents talk about my private business to their friends. It does happen. BUT it should happen in such a way that YOU don't know about it, so it sounds like he's been rather blazé about your feelings. He should be able to confide in people. He's probably worrying himself silly too. If he had to speak out he should have at least requested to his audience that they treat it with upmost confidentiality.

Don't like the judgements regarding your implants, your breasts your choice and I suspect you have your reasons, it doesn't make you less of a person NOR does it make you less of a mother. It doesn't make you selfish either.

Wishing you the very best of luck. Its okay to be stressy by the way, but that doesn't always mean you're absolutely reasonable. I know I am usually unreasonable for good reason! x

pooka oh I'd assume it was private as well but tbh I'd be surprised even then because the overwhelming reports have been that private clinics are being very unsupportive and refusing to take out implants even if they have ruptured, which is why there have been so many calls for them to be removed on the nhs.

And wrt other family not knowing, well to be honest if you had breast implants one week and not the next it would be a bit obvious anyway, so breast enlargements are hardly something you can keep secret.

I have seena the surgeon nd apparently as mine were made before 2004 they are not filled with industrial grade silicone and the ruptures are very small... Very relieved. DH and I have made up and are hoping for a better night's sleep, thanks for all your support