Rich relations interrogating me about my finances…

[corygal]

Background: I?m saving for a flat in London. I?m single and need help, which generally comes from family, but not received any. (Family solvent and ungenerous.)

Problem: my wealthy uncle, who scooped the pool with a large inheritance from my grandparents, keeps interrogating me about money. When I see him he asks how ?the flat? is going and launches a 40-minute audit probe into the detail of my bank accounts, spending, costs, etc. While I have nothing to be ashamed of, the forensic levels of detail leave me squirming. I find it intrusive and invasive.

Question: If one of your relations had been doing this for 10 years without producing anything to help, what would you think their motives were?

corygal - he is 'garden pathing' you.

People of his generation are so enamoured with property. They got very lucky by being born at the right time and nothing more than that. They cannot understand why people of your generation do not plunge into property as well. Thing is they bought property at 3 x average earnings and now it is about 5 x average earnings so is no longer the no brainer it was. Add to that, job insecurity, wage cuts and laterly the banks' unwillingness to lend and you naturally are a lot more cautious about property than he is with his nice nest egg.

I have had this all my life from my parents. I never bought and am age 48 and am very happy and will buy a house when it makes sense to do so - for me!

Ignore him.

Next time he tells you to buy a London flat with cash, try replying, 'Haha, if only someone gave me £250 grand I'd love to do that.'

Sometimes people need to have it explained to them in detail that it can easily take a decade to save up a deposit for a London flat. The older generation just do not realise how lucky they were.

I think he would haved offered money by now if he was willing to lend/give it. You have made it clear you would be receptive. I would probably avoid the topic of money, to be honest. If it becomes awkward, say you don't like talking about it because you have nothing new to add and you find it pointless to discuss.

My neighbour earns 3 x what I earn and her husband earns the same as me. I don't have a husband. She is amazed that I can't buy what she buys and believe me, she tells me everything she buys.

My dad did this for a long time, though not quite as intrusively as your uncle. I think he wanted to instill in me some financial sense, which took some time :) When I was finally organised enough he did lend me some money for my flat, which I am very thankful for. I didn't expect it though, which might be where you're going a bit wrong.

Having said that, it amazes me how many posters on the thread can't be bothered to read all of it; as your Uncle offered to help you with the deposit on a previous occasion I'd simply remind him of his offer next time he mentions money.

I can see why people think you sound entitled as the comment about "solvent and ungenerous" family not helping you is a bit BUT I think YANBU about your uncle's questions - it's none of his business and he sounds like he is being very pushy, rude and overstepping the line of normal polite conversation! Just tell him you don't want to talk about your finaces as it is personal.

As for most first time buyers getting help, I'm not sure about this. Plenty do but there are also plenty who don't. I doubt I will be getting help from my parents even though they could afford it - now they have retired they want to spend their money on themselves! It will take me years to save a London deposit even on a good salary. Have you looked into any rent to buy schemes? Would that be a better possibility? (don't know much about it but could be worth doing)

Zombie thread from January.