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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit concerned about my 2yr olds reaction to me...

44 replies

OffTheScale · 05/01/2012 23:27

Basically I need you to tell me if I'm being PFB as usual or if I should investigate this further.

DS (2.5) and I have been co-sleeping since he was born. We live on our own and it's always just suited us. Now that he is getting older though, I've started putting him in his own bed, he's not too keen but usually asleep within minutes if I sit with him - no problem. A few times he's woken up after I've gone to bed and climbed into my bed, again no problem.

DS spends one night a week at his Dad's and one night a week with my exMIL. He has done this for over a year and has always had his own room at both houses and as far as I knew, this had not been a problem and he slept fine alone despite co-sleeping at home. I thought this was great! DS is really chilled out anyway and obviosuly happy with different arrangements in different houses.

Anyway to get to the point, twice now, DS has woken up and got out of bed at home while I've still been up and pottering around, the first time I heard him coming along the hallway when I was watching TV so I got up and "met" him in the hall. One look at he and he SCREAMED in what seemed like terror which I've never known him do before. He han back to his room, got into bed and when I followed him he was hunched in the corner literally coweing from me and crying. It took ages to calm him down even when I took him to my room. The second time DS woke up and came into the kitchen, again as I turned around he seemed petrified and ran away in tears.

I'm not sure what to think really, the first thing that comes to mind is "does he get a big telling off if he gets out of bed at exPs or exMILs?" He was just seemed to be expecting this horrible reaction from me (which he would never get) and I don't know why.

Sorry to babble on! AIBU to now be worried about the bedtime routine at the ex's and should I bring it up with them, or is this just a normal reaction from a 2yo who gets out of bed in the night?

OP posts:

bucketbetty · 05/01/2012 23:29

Goodness, I don't have a clue. I'm guessing the little soul is just frightened and half asleep. I wouldn't worry about it too much. Easy for me to say I know.

SingingSands · 05/01/2012 23:29

Is he actually awake? Or sleepwalking? It sounds to me like some sort of dream episode/night terror, which is usually more distressing for the parent as the child remembers nothing of it.

A1980 · 05/01/2012 23:29

Is it possible he's sleepwalking or having night terrors?

rhondajean · 05/01/2012 23:30

Is he sleep walking?

My DD1 did it for years and would have reactions between screaming if she saw us to having a full proper conversation. The only way we knew she was was that she always scratched her tummy.
I used to do it occasionally, I think it can maybe run in the family, did you ever do it?

I'm no expert but I don't think he would scream at you even if he got a row elsewhere?

Kayano · 05/01/2012 23:32

I wouldn't jump to blaming people tbh

workshy · 05/01/2012 23:32

sounds like night terrors

my dd loves monkeys but used to scream about them telling us to get them out -had absolutely no recollection the next morning

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 05/01/2012 23:32

Does he remember it?

Pandemoniaa · 05/01/2012 23:32

I'd be very surprised indeed if this has anything, whatsoever, to do with what happens at the other houses he stays in so please, don't jump to conclusions about fearful tellings off.

Instead, I would put money on this being night terrors. When children wake with these they appear awake but actually aren't. It's a form of sleepwalking and the child isn't aware of what they are doing.

DS1 had these and they were seriously scary. He seemed so terrified (including of me) and the worst of it was the way he'd look over my shoulder as if all the Hounds of Hell were chasing him. The expression on his face was chilling, to put it mildly. Five minutes later he'd wake up and ask me why he wasn't in bed.

MollyintheMoon · 05/01/2012 23:33

It does sound more like he's half asleep if he's reacting to you like that. Perhaps night terrors? I don't know but I wouldn't immediately think it's anything to do your xh or mil. Even if they told him off for getting out of bed he wouldn't react like that on seeing you.

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 05/01/2012 23:33

It sounds like he's sleepwalking/half asleep.

Backtobedlam · 05/01/2012 23:34

My ds went through a spell of getting up and screaming-I always assumed he was having nightmares as he would be crying and struggling, then suddenly stop and go straight back to sleep. One night the house alarm went off and he was downstairs trying to get out the front door (aged 3). It seemed to be worse when he was overtired and stopped after a couple of months.

annielouisa · 05/01/2012 23:34

Many of my DGC have suffered from night terrors stating at about that age. I am happy to say they have grown out of it. They have walked about, appeared to be awake and screamed at random times. I am sure your DS will out grow it but is such a distressing thing to see.

Itsallgonetitsup · 05/01/2012 23:34

Sounds like a night terror to me. One of mine used to do this when they were little and it used to freak me right out as I was never quite sure of they were awake or asleep.

skybluepearl · 05/01/2012 23:36

night terrors?

What are your ex and exmil like though?

BandOMothers · 05/01/2012 23:36

Oh terrible...my DD had similar episodes at the same age! Very sad for you to see him firghtened. I used to scopp mine up and just have to sit and talk calmly and nicey for a while and she'd go back to sleep.

TroublesomeEx · 05/01/2012 23:38

I read your OP and planned to say that it sounds as though he was still half asleep and you startled him/sleepwalking/night terrors to find that everyone else has said exactly the same!!

Even if he had been told off by them, he would not react that way to you. He spends more time with you and has more experience of you not telling him off than he could have done of them telling him off.

FabbyChic · 05/01/2012 23:38

Sounds more like he is sleep walking to be honest and then wakes up and is scared.

Original poster

OffTheScale · 05/01/2012 23:39

TBH I hadn't even considered night terrors, it could be that I suppose. I'd be more inclined to say he's awake though, it definitely seems like he's really frightened that I'm going to tell him off and I don't know where he would have got that idea

Kayano - I agree, I wouldn't want to accuse anybody of anything and I know that his Dad and Nana are great with him, I just don't want him to have any reason to be scared of me or scared of getting out of bed if he wakes.

OP posts:

Original poster

OffTheScale · 05/01/2012 23:42

Ah OK - just read the posts about him night terrors appearing as if the DC are awake, that's interesting (if a little creepy ). So could the move at home from my bed to his own have triggered these? He's never had them before.

OP posts:

Original poster

OffTheScale · 05/01/2012 23:42

*THE night terrors

OP posts:

rhondajean · 05/01/2012 23:44

I think it's more an age thing. There's nothing we found that stopped them or the sleepwalking. She sleepwalked most nights until,about 11 although the screaming stopped much earlier.

TheArmadillo · 05/01/2012 23:47

its most likely due to his age.

A lot of children develop night terrors around 2-3 years old. There doesn't seem to be any trigger just an age/developmental stage thing. I think most of them grow out of it within about 6months-1year

Pandemoniaa · 05/01/2012 23:49

I don't know what triggers off night terrors but I do know that, initially, the child always appears to be awake. However, they will present such bizarre, unresponsive and downright terrified behaviour that you quickly realise that this is a child in the grip of a night terror.

Your ds isn't scared of you. He's scared of whatever horrors are currently rampaging around in his sleeping head. Once he has woken up, you will be the one he seeks a comforting cuddle from.

TroublesomeEx · 05/01/2012 23:50

OffTheScale possibly. Although it could just be his age.

DS doesn't do the screaming, but he talks in his sleep and shouts out which is really scary (even now) because he sounds like he's speaking in tongues!! It's worse if he's disturbed, so if I go upstairs for something even if I'm really quiet, it can trigger it.

He used to sleep walk too and I hated being in the house on my own because he'd just appear in the living room eyes open yet fast asleep. Very creepy!

He's grown out of the sleepwalking but it started at around 2.5/3 and continued until he was around 7 or 8. He still does the speaking in tongues bit though!

They're funny little things, aren't they!

Pandemoniaa · 05/01/2012 23:52

I'd always assumed it was a combination of age and developmental stage that set them off too. But I couldn't be more precise!

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