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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit concerned about my 2yr olds reaction to me...

44 replies

OffTheScale · 05/01/2012 23:27

Basically I need you to tell me if I'm being PFB as usual or if I should investigate this further.

DS (2.5) and I have been co-sleeping since he was born. We live on our own and it's always just suited us. Now that he is getting older though, I've started putting him in his own bed, he's not too keen but usually asleep within minutes if I sit with him - no problem. A few times he's woken up after I've gone to bed and climbed into my bed, again no problem.

DS spends one night a week at his Dad's and one night a week with my exMIL. He has done this for over a year and has always had his own room at both houses and as far as I knew, this had not been a problem and he slept fine alone despite co-sleeping at home. I thought this was great! DS is really chilled out anyway and obviosuly happy with different arrangements in different houses.

Anyway to get to the point, twice now, DS has woken up and got out of bed at home while I've still been up and pottering around, the first time I heard him coming along the hallway when I was watching TV so I got up and "met" him in the hall. One look at he and he SCREAMED in what seemed like terror which I've never known him do before. He han back to his room, got into bed and when I followed him he was hunched in the corner literally coweing from me and crying. It took ages to calm him down even when I took him to my room. The second time DS woke up and came into the kitchen, again as I turned around he seemed petrified and ran away in tears.

I'm not sure what to think really, the first thing that comes to mind is "does he get a big telling off if he gets out of bed at exPs or exMILs?" He was just seemed to be expecting this horrible reaction from me (which he would never get) and I don't know why.

Sorry to babble on! AIBU to now be worried about the bedtime routine at the ex's and should I bring it up with them, or is this just a normal reaction from a 2yo who gets out of bed in the night?

OP posts:

SweetLilyTea · 05/01/2012 23:52

When ds1 had night terrors he would appear to be awake and would be so terrified, he would be so convinced something was under his bed I would actually check myself! They were horrific to witness, lasted as long as 20mins, but he would have no memory of them in the morning.

Have a conversation with your ex or mil, whichever you get on best with and see what they say. If it is the night terrors you will want to warn them. I wouldn't jump to conclusions that they are responsible for this - but defintely speak to them.

Original poster

OffTheScale · 05/01/2012 23:53

TooMuchKitchenRoll - I don't know if he remember's or not, he's not said anything and always seems fine in the morning, hard to tell though as he's not yet talking in full sentences.

skybluepearl they are much "stricter" than me and my ex and I parent very differently but they are both fantastic with DS and dote on him.

Most people are saying this sounds like night terrors maybe that's it. I think I need to have a chat with the other family members either way TBH as if he's going to have them regularly (hope not ) I'm sure they'd prefer a heads up rather than being freaked out like I was! I guess I could casually drop in the question then about how they react when he gets out of bed.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 05/01/2012 23:54

If he was wide awake and so scared of getting told off, he wouldnt leave his room. It sounds much more like night terrors which are extremely common in toddlers.

Goolash · 05/01/2012 23:55

If there's been no previous problems and she seems happy to visit them, My initial thoughts would be night terrors, sleep walking, or half awake and confused. My eldest had a few odd sleep episodes but otherwise fine. My youngest had frequent Night terrors. Often he'd wake up screaming and all you could do was sit beside him and wait. We found hims downstairs once terrified about spiders inside him, still asleep, but he wouldn't step on the floor for weeks. Other times he'd just get out of bed but actually awake, obviously confused about the time of day, have a conversation with us, then disagree he should be in bed. At 6 I am happy to day he's grown out of such things.

AitchTwoOHoHoHo · 05/01/2012 23:57

both of my dds have done similar, at roughly the same age, i put it down to night terrors. my mum had them for quite a long time, actually, and said they were absolutely horrific.

piprabbit · 05/01/2012 23:59

He sounds like my little boy. He has almost grown out of it now (at 3.5yo) but I would hear feet pattering across the landing upstairs, go to settle him back in bed only for him to end up screaming and cowering. In the end I put it down to not really being awake, walking around on autopilot and then getting an awful shock when someone suddenly loomed up out of nowhere (as it must have seemed to him).

Keep calm, cuddle him, lay him back in bed and try not to say too much. I think the smell and feel of familiar mummy is a much quicker/kinder way of settling a child like this than trying to say anything or ask questions etc.

Original poster

OffTheScale · 05/01/2012 23:59

x posts sweetlilytea!

FolkGirl - That sounds awful! When I was young my DM used to take me and my sisters to an American style evangelical church and the congregation were very strange enthusiastic. Quite often people would be rolling around on the floor and speaking in tounges and the memories of it still freak me and my sisters out to this day - I really don't fancy DS starting it too .

Thanks for all the advice everyone - night terrors it is and I'll leave my poor ex and MIL alone!

OP posts:

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 06/01/2012 00:01

agree pip, less chat, just quiet physical presence.

Collaborate · 06/01/2012 00:06

My daughter has had night terrors. took a while before we realised that we could calm her down by getting her to have a wee. They've stopped now that we make sure she always has a wee before she goes to bed. I think it was the need to wee that got her half awake and into night terror mode in the first place.

Goolash · 06/01/2012 00:09

Maybe if ex and mil have different ideas about sleep ( or havn't experienced / or forgotten about such things) maybe have a gentle chat about how you've found her in odd places, she's not being naughty, you suspect night terrors etc this is then advice on how to deal ......

TroublesomeEx · 06/01/2012 00:59

OffTheScale well lets just say, I try and avoid going upstairs when he's asleep! My brother was the same. Except he made sense and you could have a conversation with him whilst still asleep. A completely nonsense conversation, mind! It's really unnerving!!

CatPussRoastingByAnOpenFire · 06/01/2012 01:08

You can have nightmares, waking dreams etc and seem totally awake. I used to sit up in bed, point to the end of the duvet, and tell my mum to make that woman get off of the end of my bed! It used to scare the fuck out of her!

WilsonFrickett · 06/01/2012 01:09

It definitely sounds like night terrors and he is absolutely at the right age for them. They are very scary to witness (voice of experience!). My DS never he them anywhere else but at home, but you do need to discuss with your X's family. For instance, we always double lock the door just in case... You need to check they are doing the same.

happydotcom · 06/01/2012 09:17

Sounds like night terrors. I did the same ( not that I remember) but grew out of it.

Is he ok in the morning? Does he remember what happened?

Smellslikecatspee · 06/01/2012 09:46

I remember my kid sister having these at about the same age.

The year she turned 3 she tore our bedroom apart looking for carrots other wise Rudolph (the red nosed reindeer) was going to eat her. Screaming and screaming about the reindeer looking for her.

I can remember being pissed off because she didn't get told off when to my mind she was clearly awake and 'getting away' with this naughtiness.

My Nephew has also had them and it is freaky how awake they seem.

PoultryInMotion · 06/01/2012 09:54

OffTheScale Hopefully it's just what the posters above have said.

If it helps, I look after my nephew (2.5) one day a week whilst DB and SIL are at work, and have been for quite some time. But every time I go to there house (even if I'm not babysitting) he gets very upset and cries when he sees me He just completely associates me with being left and is at a very clingy phase. Anyone watching would think I abuse him, it's pretty awful actually! Fortunately DB and SIL believe me when I say after 2 minutes alone with him he's as happy as can be!

So crying and fright doesn't necessarily have to mean anything sinister.

BearPear · 06/01/2012 11:00

I recall our DD doing "the scream" a few times - it made my blood run cold, and being a wimp my reaction was to hide under the duvet while DH literally ran to her room! You could also chat with her and she looked wide awake except that her eyes were a little glazed. She's 17 now and sleeps like a log!

iwantbrie · 06/01/2012 11:21

Does sleep walking run in either family? I only ask because I sometimes sleepwalk, both my 2 had major night terrors when small & now DS (11yo) occasionally sleepwalks himself.
I would talk to your ex & exmil, see if he's doing the same thing there & work out a strategy for dealing with it.
It's bloody terrifing when you see them like that!

YankNCock · 06/01/2012 11:28

DS is 2.4 and very recently started having what I think are night terrors. There's an absolutely blood-curdling scream, and when we get to him, he is shaking all over, looks awake but isn't responsive. Takes 15-20 minutes for him to stop shaking and relax, and then he just seems to drop back off to sleep pretty easily. He's fine in the morning!

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