Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to think that sister should sort her childcare out?

41 replies

sarah7492 · 05/01/2012 18:37

My Dsis has one dd aged 6. Dsis works fulltime and her dh, my neices father works fulltime, from home, (in IT). Neice attends school a 5-10 minute car ride away. BIL drops her off each morning and then picks her up on a Monday ONLY. The other days of the week my mother who is mid sixties and works from 9-2 each day, picks up neice and takes her to neices home..(where BIL is working

Then at 4.30 or so BIL takes my mother home in his car, picking up sister from work at 5pm.

So basically my mother works 9-2pm, then catches a bus from work to neices school, picks up neice, walks in ALL weathers the 30 minutes back to neices house. Then looks after neice till 4.30 ish when they all leave in BIL's car to pick up sister.!

I think they are taking the piss!...Bil is sitting there with a bloody car outside whilst my mother is walking to and from a bus (long walk) then 30 minutes home in rain/sleet/snow.

Why can't he nip out and pick up his dd himself..she isn't a baby. he could still work till 4.30 with neice there.

OP posts:

totallyscunnered · 05/01/2012 18:40

And this is any of your business because?

AngryMotherF · 05/01/2012 18:41

Is your Mum happy to do it? She might like getting to see her grandchild every day and be part of her life.

It's not really any of your business, I can't understand why this would annoy you unless you want the same child are from your Mum. Its their arrangement, and if your Mum complains about it, you can advise her to talk to her own dd about it. I'm sure she would be capable of that, being a grown up and all.

Other than that, stay out of it, it's nothing to do with you.

JustHecate · 05/01/2012 18:42

Maybe she doesn't like to see her mother being - in her view - taken advantage of?

It's never nice to see someone you love being treated in a way that you think is unfair.

Not that you can do anything about it, but it won't fill you with joy. You'll feel sad/bad/mad about it.

thepeoplesprincess · 05/01/2012 18:43

Why would he get off his arse when your mother is clearly willing and able to mug herself?

Original poster

sarah7492 · 05/01/2012 18:44

Its my buisness because Iam concerned my mother is doing too much. She is the same age my grandmother was when she died from a heart attack. I think Sis and BIL are taking advantage. On the few occassions sister picks up her dd, she actually gets a taxi home from the school because SHE refuses to walk the 30 minutes!

OP posts:

Angelswings · 05/01/2012 18:44

The time taken to do the school run is more than just the journey time
If you added this up every day it would soon be hours of missed work. If he was working in an office I doubt they'd let him have the time off
Does your mother mind?

oflip · 05/01/2012 18:45

this is so frustrating, my mum does somethign similar for both of my sisters kids.

I figure though that it is not my buisiness and so i dont comment.
Your mum, like mine could say if she isnt happy couldnt she?

sleet & snow is a bit much...but then your dsis could see this for herslef.

The crunch will obviously come if your mum gets poorly and cannot do this for them...this will bring it home.
(my mum is refusing to have knee replacements as she doesnt want to cause any problems for my sisters...i STILL cant say anything even though i absolutely disagree with it, she can hardly walk now the pain is so bad)

WorraLiberty · 05/01/2012 18:45

Seriously, it's up to your Mum what she chooses to do.

Angelswings · 05/01/2012 18:45

A 30 minute walk every day could be preventing a heart attack?

Gigondas · 05/01/2012 18:47

Agree with angel wings - that time out to do school run is meant to be working time and you can't work and look after a child of that age.

Angelswings · 05/01/2012 18:47

Oflip, putting off a vital operation is different. Do your sisters know?

totallyscunnered · 05/01/2012 18:47

It's up to your mother to talk to her own daughter if she doesn't want to do it.

My advice would be to keep your nose out, as interfering in these kinds of arrangements never ends well for the interferee imho

Gigondas · 05/01/2012 18:48

Sarah the health issues/doing too much is another issue and not clear from your op. however it is still your mums decision.

oflip · 05/01/2012 18:48

yup...& they both continue to take the absolutel piss out of her.

Its up to her to say though.

maybenow · 05/01/2012 18:49

it's up to your mum but it sounds pretty healthy to me - having a walk and chat with granddaughter every day...

if you're worried talk to your mum about it, it's not up to your sil to stop her spending time with her granddaughter if she wants to.

Original poster

sarah7492 · 05/01/2012 18:50

Maybe Iam being unreasonable. Iam asking because I think iam too close to the situation to see it clearly. Perhaps they are being perfectly reasonable?
I just think if BIL can take 20 minutes out of his dayto pick up his dd on a monday, then he should be able to do that every day? he sure finishes work quick enough when it is time to pick up my sister.

OP posts:

Angelswings · 05/01/2012 18:50

Oflip that s :(

LAlady · 05/01/2012 18:51

But your BIL works full time, albeit from home. The fact that he works from home is irrelevant unless he is self employed which may afford him some flexibility.

totallyscunnered · 05/01/2012 18:54

But Sarah, if he takes 20 mins every day (which will in reality be more by the time he factors in stopping what he's doing, getting himself ready, finding keys, locking house, driving, parking, pick up of daughter - and what if she's late out - getting home, getting daughter in the house, she wants drink, biscuit, homework help, interrupts him 50 times) it would be hours out of his working week.

And she's only 6. I struggle to work with a 13 year old and a 9 year old in the house.

But fundamentally, it's their business, not yours. If your mother has an issue with it then she's got to speak to them herself.

Original poster

sarah7492 · 05/01/2012 18:54

I think my mum is a bit fed of it all. But she will never say so to my sister. She complained before christmas that she had walked home through rain and wind, soaked through with neice and when she walking into sisters house, BIL was playing the xbox! so much for work!

OP posts:

mrspnut · 05/01/2012 18:55

You can work and look after a child aged 6, I've been doing it since my DD2 started school aged 4.1.

You just get used to doing it, and the 20 minutes to do the school pick up could form part of his legally allowed break.

I'd be very pissed off of it was my mum, and would probably end up having words with my sister about it but then I am the eldest and still boss them all about.

HappyCamel · 05/01/2012 18:56

I think a 30 min walk evey day will do her good so long as she's happy to do it. I guess it's only term time, so she gets lots of weeks off too.

The key is that she wants to, you could ask her directly.

oflip · 05/01/2012 18:58

It is

She shuffles to her car, picks my nephew up from my sisters house...who is never dressed & ready, (takes them to different schools) and then shuffles into the house.
She has my niece overnight every week day due to my sisters hours. My sister has got a new boyfriend and wants to be out at a weekend with him,s o mum has my niece overnight at weekends too!

My other sister text my mum at 8am telling her to go an pick nephew up as she and her dp have work...1st day of Christmas holidays. No mentoin prior to the holidays that she needed chldcare.

they dont pick him up till 8pm as they need to go shopping! mum has both kids pretty much full time.

LAlady · 05/01/2012 19:00

I work from home and need to be on the telephone a lot. I struggled big time when my two were younger !

Original poster

sarah7492 · 05/01/2012 19:01

Happy camel. I wish it was only term time...but i found out not long ago that they have monopolised my mothers 5 weeks holidays from work to look after neice during various school holidays!!

i only found out because i offered to take my mum to london for a couple of nights in February to visit my DS in uni, but mum can't as she has no free holidays!

I bite my lip though as like most of you say..I should not really get involved!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2