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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is not my fault?

39 replies

EqualStevens · 05/01/2012 10:34

On December 23rd we packed up DP's car to begin the Christmas Road Trip From Hell (TM). I'd already been to pick up my grandmother in my car that morning. DP took DGM's suitcases from the boot of my car to put them in his. We don't get home until January 2nd.

Morning of January 3rd my car won't start. Am suspicious before I get in the car as central locking isn't working, then I try to turn the key and nothing happens. Battery is dead. DP already gone to work, DC already gone to school I have to join the AA on the spot and wait for a call out at a cost of £179.04 and there is a fee for paying with a credit card so it has to be debit. AA man deduces that the battery is dead because the boot wasn't shut properly and the light in the boot has been on for 2 weeks and drained it. All is well after a quick 10 minutes on the AA man's charger. Couldn't have borrowed jump leads because we don't know anyone else in the area who drives - we both have cars because we don't work in the city we live in but everyone else on our street (it seems) walks/buses everywhere.

Now this is still playing on my mind because DP maintains it's not his fault. He acknowledges that he left the boot ajar and drained the battery but shifts all the blame onto me for not checking my car was still running the instant we got back on Jan 2nd to ensure I'd be all right for work Jan 3rd. AIBU? I don't want him to pay for it or anything but I'm cross that he thinks it's my fault.

OP posts:
southeastastra · 05/01/2012 10:37

well its done now and i wouldn't dwell on it but tbh you could have probably called a local mechanic for not nearly half that price

TheSkiingGardener · 05/01/2012 10:37

Of course it's his fault! Silly boy!

Kayano · 05/01/2012 10:37

Does it even matter? It's just one of those unfortunate things. Have
You not been in the boot for 2 weeks?

thisisyesterday · 05/01/2012 10:38

it isn't anyone's "fault"

he accidentally left it open.

Eglu · 05/01/2012 10:38

YANBU of course it is his fault. He is a prick and should just admit responsibility.

neshnosher · 05/01/2012 10:39

It was an accident so no fault can be apportioned.
MN has spoken :)

ShatnersBassoon · 05/01/2012 10:39

YABU. It was a very easy mistake to make, and you could have called a local garage to come out and get you started for far less than it cost to join the AA.

TroublesomeEx · 05/01/2012 10:39

Bit of both.

His fault for leaving the boot open that definitely drained the battery.

You should have checked the car when you got back because all the advice at the start of the week was to do so because batteries often drain when the car is left unused for a couple of weeks.

Him leaving the boot open just gives a definite cause.

YABmoreU for not having breakdown cover. AA is way too expensive. We use one that is less than half the cost for the same cover and is great.

nailak · 05/01/2012 10:39

it was an accident, where is the need to apportion blame, we allm ake mistakes sometimes.

Yama · 05/01/2012 10:40

He made a mistake whilst doing a kind deed. Let it go.

Neuromantic · 05/01/2012 10:40

You could have joined the AA for 30 quid, why did you pay so much?

AngryMotherF · 05/01/2012 10:40

It is his fault, but it was an accident and blaming won't help anyone. These things happen.

If you are having a go at him for it he is probably talking crap becaue he is feeling defensive.

Just let it go.

ChaoticAngel · 05/01/2012 10:40

The OP said they didn't get home until Jan 2nd.

OP No, it's not your fault. I think your DP is trying to put the blame on you because he's feeling guilty.

ceebie · 05/01/2012 10:41

Oh for heaven's sake. Stop blaming each other and move on. It's done know. Who cares?

ChitChatInChaos · 05/01/2012 10:41

YANBU!!

Of course it's his fault! Yes, it was an accident, but bleeding heck, can't he just have the balls to say 'Sorry, my fuck up. Should have shut the boot properly!' Acting like a child to try to put the blame back on you.

If I haven't driven the car for a few days I don't go and check it the night before just to do a small trip. I would if I were to do a major drive, but not just the normal school run.

MrsHoarder · 05/01/2012 10:53

Ouch! Not your fault, but do you have no friendly neighbours to give you a jump start?

For future ref its usually worth ringing your usual local garage for these sorts of things too: they'll sort you out for a lot less than the AA membership that includes your home address.

wheresmypelvicfloorgone · 05/01/2012 10:54

i would be cross too
do people normally check their car is working the day before driving it?
no..... unless they are slightly deranged or paranoid :)
of course it's your partner's fault, he left the fricking boot half open
i would expect my oh to pay for the aa, but i can be a bit hardline about stuff like that
in my experience people often don't like admitting they've messed up, esp if you are obviously annoyed about whatever it is...so it doesn't surprise me he's reacted the way he did
i would feel like a wally if i'd not shut the boot properly, but i would also i would hope after thinking about it for a minute feel it was only fair to pay for the aa and apologise...

tyler80 · 05/01/2012 10:57

Couldn't you push start the car, or buy a battery charger for twenty quid? Paying that much for the aa is ludicrous when you know it's the battery is at fault.

usualsuspect · 05/01/2012 10:58

Such is life ,move on

coppertop · 05/01/2012 11:01

He either believes in accidents or he doesn't. If it's the former, then no-one is at fault. If the latter, then he is the one to blame.

UnexpectedOrange · 05/01/2012 11:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 05/01/2012 11:04

YANBU. He clearly acted with lack of care as many men do, my DH included.

Yes it was an accident but he should hold his hands up and admit he's responsible for the accident rather than trying to blame you

DaisySteiner · 05/01/2012 11:06

Just because something is done accidentally rather than deliberately doesn't mean that nobody is at fault!

Having said that I wouldn't start on the blame game in this situation, except that he is trying to apportion the blame to you! It is his negligent (but accidental) act that caused the car battery to run down. What happened next is slightly less clear, but I don't think many people would check that their car would start after leaving it unused for a short period, especially given that this in itself could run the battery down even further!

Original poster
EqualStevens · 05/01/2012 11:14

I really didn't want it to turn into a blame game but he made it one! That evening I was just upset at the situation and said sth like "that was an expensive mistake of yours" (or something along those lines) and he was all "woah woah woah - this is totally your fault!" thus making it into a blame game. I was quite happy to just acknowledge it was his mistake and move on - lord knows I've done stupider things in my time and accepted they were my fault (turning freezer off at wall, leaving key in outside of lock on front door etc).

The reason for joining AA on the spot was that the cover I thought I had with my credit card hadn't been changed to my new car so it was invalid - and the AA charge through the nose if you join and need a call out at the same time. Never even crossed my mind to call a garage in the the heat of the moment. All was a bit panicked as it was 35 minutes before I was supposed to be back at work after the holidays!

OP posts:
sue52 · 05/01/2012 11:17

He made a mistake. Haven't you ever made one *EqualStevens? Just learn from it and move on.

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