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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this is not my fault?

39 replies

EqualStevens · 05/01/2012 10:34

On December 23rd we packed up DP's car to begin the Christmas Road Trip From Hell (TM). I'd already been to pick up my grandmother in my car that morning. DP took DGM's suitcases from the boot of my car to put them in his. We don't get home until January 2nd.

Morning of January 3rd my car won't start. Am suspicious before I get in the car as central locking isn't working, then I try to turn the key and nothing happens. Battery is dead. DP already gone to work, DC already gone to school I have to join the AA on the spot and wait for a call out at a cost of £179.04 and there is a fee for paying with a credit card so it has to be debit. AA man deduces that the battery is dead because the boot wasn't shut properly and the light in the boot has been on for 2 weeks and drained it. All is well after a quick 10 minutes on the AA man's charger. Couldn't have borrowed jump leads because we don't know anyone else in the area who drives - we both have cars because we don't work in the city we live in but everyone else on our street (it seems) walks/buses everywhere.

Now this is still playing on my mind because DP maintains it's not his fault. He acknowledges that he left the boot ajar and drained the battery but shifts all the blame onto me for not checking my car was still running the instant we got back on Jan 2nd to ensure I'd be all right for work Jan 3rd. AIBU? I don't want him to pay for it or anything but I'm cross that he thinks it's my fault.

OP posts:
NinkyNonker · 05/01/2012 11:19

Tbh, I'd be a bit annoyed at DH generously saying he would be 'happy to acknowledge it was ny mistake' too, it is just one of those things that happen in life. I'd probably bite back too in his shoes, it is awful to be made to feel like shit over something anyone could have done.

loosyloo · 05/01/2012 11:19

leave the bastard

redwineformethanks · 05/01/2012 11:19

At least having joined AA you now have protection for the rest of the year. I'd say it was his fault but an accident and I'd let it go

sue52 · 05/01/2012 11:21

Ooops just seen your post above(Hadn't refreshed the page). You were wrong to get upset and he was wrong to shift the blame. Just accept it was one of those things.

squeakytoy · 05/01/2012 11:21

It was an accident, nobodys "fault" and these things happen.

However, you were mad to pay that amount to join the AA. It would have been cheaper to either take a day off, or go to work on public transport and one of you buy a set of jump leads on the way home, or even knock on a neighbours door and ask. Even if you dont know them, its one way of getting to know them!

pictish · 05/01/2012 11:23

It's his fault - plain and simple.
It was a mistake...the sort of thing that can and will happen to anyone, but it is still his fault.
To blame shift to you like that was pretty pathetic.

Is he one of those people that can never be wrong?

pictish · 05/01/2012 11:25

Mind you, it's YOUR fault that you joined the AA at that cost to deal with a flat battery!!

Ever heard of jump leads?

TheScaryJessie · 05/01/2012 11:30

Dunnno. Depends hugely on your tone, whether either of you feel there's a background of blame/carelessness/etc.

But, "that was an expensive mistake of yours" or similar could sound very accusatory, quite easily.

Lueji · 05/01/2012 11:41

Forget about fault. What's the point? If you go down that route with such things you will soon not be a couple.

You did sound accusatory, IMO:

Next time get a cab for wherever you needed to go (or nearest train station), buy some jump leads and wait for DP to get home.
Or... buy a battery charger (also cheaper than AA).

DaisySteiner · 05/01/2012 11:44

To clarify OP - I think YANBU for being narked at him trying to blame you! (But YABU for spending nearly 200 quid on starting the car - you can get people to come out and fit a new one for less than half that!)

Morloth · 05/01/2012 11:44

Shit happens.

I wouldn't waste anymore energy on it.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 05/01/2012 13:04

Lets face it, it's not that hard to shut a car boot properly. I'd actually be quite peed off at him if he was my husband

wheresmypelvicfloorgone · 05/01/2012 13:12

me too, completely agree queenofthesummer
and if he'd been apologetic, taken responsibility for it and handled it better generally to start with then all would be well by now i'm sure

wheresmypelvicfloorgone · 05/01/2012 13:16

and yes we all make mistakes but some people are sorry and make amends either in deed and/or in word, and some aren't and don't.....and that does matter, imo. it's not great to mess up someone else's day, whether you mean to or not, then try and push the blame onto the innocent party

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