AIBU to be a bit miffed at my CM springing the fact that she has just got a dog

[Loueytb3]

Before I start, I love my CM. She is wonderful and if she doesn't get outstanding in her next OFSTED inspection, I'll eat my hat.

However, yesterday evening, I go to pick up DTs and she says "oh you've probably heard my news" cue blank look from me "we've got a new addition to the family" no still no clue "we've got a puppy" Hands me an updated pet policy (they've already got a couple of cats). This was all in the midst of trying to stop DS1 from trying to escape into the road. Needless to say I was a bit taken aback. She had told DH that morning when he droppped the boys off and he was also quite put out.

My DTs have been going there for 18 months before/after school and in school holidays. DTS1 has ASD and little sense of danger. DS3 will be going there all day 3-4 days a week from July when he will be 1.

AIBU to think that she should have at least forewarned us about this and asked whether we would mind. We had previously discounted other CMs because they had (admittedly large) dogs. Her policy states that at no point will the dog be left alone with any children and I'm sure she wouldn't do anything to put them at risk, but its the principle I'm a bit about.

Its a british bulldog btw - have no idea what they are like.

Yes, it had made things awkward for you. My DD is very allergic to dogs, for example.

If it helps, any British Bulldog I have ever met has been a complete butterball

Thank you 4madboys.

I'm on ML so in theory I could look after the older two but logistics are a problem because they are at different primary schools because of DTS1's SN. Although DTS1 gets transport to/from school, it is tight for me to get home from DTS2's school before he gets back in his taxi. It would also mean I couldn't go to DTS1's school at all which currently I do 1 day a week to see his teachers. In addition, we didn't want to lose the places with the CM as she has been so good with them which is why we kept her on whilst I'm on ML.

I think if it became a real issue and we decided to pull them out from the CM then we would get a nanny as with 3 kids it would be not much more cost-wise. But we wouldn't do that until I'm back at work.

CM lives in a bungalow - not sure how practically the dog will be kept separate - I assume they will put it in a different room. Would be interested to hear from other CM's who keep dogs how they manage it.

For me as a potential CM, here's how it works now:

Our dog's food and bed are in the kitchen and there is a fixed gate between it and the dining room. Also fixed gates at top and bottom of stairs, and dog is not allowed upstairs.

I don't leave my DS alone with the dog, the dog is trained to 'go kitchen' when asked, and that is where he stays when we are upstairs or away from home (and also at mealtimes because of the begging). The dog is out in the living room with us most of the time because I'm here to supervise.

So far this morning DS and the dog have been playing fetch with a squeaky toy, and dog has had a nap while DS played with his trains. So much easier now that the dog is past the chewing phase. We keep him well supplied with rawhide bones and he sticks to those now rather than grabbing anything he can (we lost some plastic and wooden toys at first).

I do have to keep an eye out for DS harassing the dog as well. He tries to sit on the dog and occasionally pull his tail, but being vigilant about stopping this immediately, reassuring the dog, and modelling 'nice pets' for DS means this hardly happens any more.

DH takes the dog for a long walk in the morning, and I do the same in the evening after DS is in bed. Sometimes we do a little walk during the day too, but can't go far as DS hates his pushchair but can't be counted on to walk for more than 15 minutes without demanding to be carried.

When we have other kids over for play group, dog stays in the kitchen as not all the kids are ok with dogs. I take the ones who like dogs in one by one to pet and play. The children who are a bit nervous usually edge closer and closer to the gate each time they visit, and eventually most become more comfortable. That would be my plan for mindees who are afraid, a gradual introduction until they were comfortable enough for the dog to be out with us.

Agreed, she could have handled it better, but I would see how it goes... bulldogs are almost universally friendly and docile dogs and good with children, so in terms of breed it is about as good as it gets.

She seems to have put sensible steps in place, so I would see it as an opportunity to get your children to interact with animals in a safe and controlled environment.

i don't think she should have asked you if it is ok but she should have informed you well in advance. I wouldn't want me Dcs going to a CM with a dog.

She definitely should have put you on notice that she was getting a dog. Obviously you have no right to be consulted as to whether she does so or not, but you are in a business relationship with her and she really should have notified you that the terms of that relationship are changing, ie the environment in which your children are cared for is undergoing a relatively large change.

While I wouldn't automatically have an issue with a dog being present on safety grounds, I would want to know what precautions would be in place and consider whether I was still happy with my child being there. In our case it would actually be a moot point as DP's dog allergy is bad enough that it wouldn't be workable for DS to be coming home with dog hair on his clothes on a daily basis. Every now and again isn't an issue, but daily exposure would be too much. If I had been in the OP's position I would therefore have been left in a bit of a mess and we wouldn't be at all happy about the situation.

Basically this is one of the aspects of using a CM - you have to accept that it's her business, her home, and her way. It is, of course, her risk as well that people will move childminders if they don't like her arrangements.

I wouldn't have expected her to ask me about it first because I wouldn't have expected to be able to say: "No I'd prefer you didn't" with a CM.

But I might expect some flexibility from her if the arrangement didn't suit my child in terms of things like notice periods etc. For example, if she'd forgotten he has an allergy or was really afraid of the dog etc.

Thanks YanknCock - that gives me some ideas about questions to ask the CM when I go and pick up DTs tonight.

I think she should give one months notice to change of contracts
if you changed details of the contract you would have to give notice

did she get dog for Christmas? she must have known it was coming and if she didnt she should have texted you on boxing day

No dmo - she got it on Tuesday evening. And she didn't mention she was going to get it when I picked the DTs up that night.

You don't generally pick up purebred puppies on a moment's notice. Bulldogs I've seen advertised have been fairly expensive and I would have thought highly in demand, so I'd say it's a fair guess the CM had been planning this for a while and knew for at least a few weeks or longer that the puppy was coming.

YANBU, yes it could be beneficial, but as she is running a business looking after children from her home, she should have consulted you before she got the dog, what breed she was getting, so that you can do your research, and make an informed decision as to whether to continue with her or find somebody else.

She should have been more open and honest beforehand, not just springing it on you like that. What if your dc are allergic to dogs or had a phobia of them

My ds' nursery got a dog, with no warning.

I had previously advised them he was scared of dogs and would run into the road to avoid them.

Then one day (they collected him from nursery so didn't go to drop off), I turned up to collected him, and was greeted by a dog. My ds was petrified, and refused to go back. I had to immediately find another nursery.

This was 10 years ago, and I'm still cross at the disregard they had for my son and I, by not informing us prior to the event.

I meant "the collected him from preschool", not "nursery"

Tonka - that's dreadful!

Have spoken to CM tonight - apparently it was a snap decision made last weekend. She did admit it was a bit last minute and realises that she should have told us beforehand. They had a dog before but it died 4 yrs ago and it has taken them this long to get over it. She said the reason they chose the bulldog is because it's so gentle (as many of you have said) and it only needs walking 20 mins max a day. I'm going over tomorrow to properly meet it but I'm sure it will be fine. She's offered to keep the dog out of the way at all times when my boys are there but I would rather they learnt dog safety in her house than out in a park.

YANBU. She should have told you in advance, preferably at least the length of notice required in her contract.

I'm not a dog lover and would never willingly choose a CM with a dog. I totally understand that some CMs will have them, fine that is their choice. In addition to the potential safety issues I find most dogs smelly and wouldn't want my DS smelling of dog all the time.

glad though that you seem to have worked it out OP.