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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a bit miffed at my CM springing the fact that she has just got a dog

68 replies

Loueytb3 · 05/01/2012 09:48

Before I start, I love my CM. She is wonderful and if she doesn't get outstanding in her next OFSTED inspection, I'll eat my hat.

However, yesterday evening, I go to pick up DTs and she says "oh you've probably heard my news" cue blank look from me "we've got a new addition to the family" no still no clue "we've got a puppy" Shock Hands me an updated pet policy (they've already got a couple of cats). This was all in the midst of trying to stop DS1 from trying to escape into the road. Needless to say I was a bit taken aback. She had told DH that morning when he droppped the boys off and he was also quite put out.

My DTs have been going there for 18 months before/after school and in school holidays. DTS1 has ASD and little sense of danger. DS3 will be going there all day 3-4 days a week from July when he will be 1.

AIBU to think that she should have at least forewarned us about this and asked whether we would mind. We had previously discounted other CMs because they had (admittedly large) dogs. Her policy states that at no point will the dog be left alone with any children and I'm sure she wouldn't do anything to put them at risk, but its the principle I'm a bit Angry about.

Its a british bulldog btw - have no idea what they are like.

OP posts:
YankNCock · 05/01/2012 10:15

xposted, well that is good that the partner will likely be around to help.

laptopdancer · 05/01/2012 10:16

FWIW I would give notice to leave the childminder if she/he had informed me they were getting a dog so I personally would have liked adequate notice that they were getting one.

Rhubarbgarden · 05/01/2012 10:17

Yanbu. I was very relaxed with dd around dogs until a fortnight ago, when she was a patting a large dog in a cafe after the owners had assured us he was child friendly. It suddenly bit her face with no warning. She wasn't alone with it, I was holding her hand making sure she was gentle and the dog was at the owners' feet. Dogs are unpredictable and even those described as 'child friendly' and 'big softies' can do damage if they suddenly decide to. It was a horrible experience for all concerned but fortunately dd wasn't badly hurt and doesn't appear to have developed a fear of dogs.I won't be letting her pat dogs again though and I wouldn't leave her in the care of a CM with a dog.

The CM should have given you warning.

Gribble · 05/01/2012 10:17

suppose so, but maybe the CM thought it was none of OPs business (that sounds really off, dont mean it to be but there isnt any other way of putting it) and as the dog isnt going to be left alone with the kids then there isnt really a problem?

TBH I do think there is far to much hand wringing about dogs in general nowadays so my view is probably not going to be very balanced (or helpful) Grin

Xmasbaby11 · 05/01/2012 10:18

YANBU. Advance warning would have given you chance to think about it and look into alternative childcare if you wanted to. I'd imagine a good cm would explain to parents how the puppy will be part of the house/routine and to respond to any queries/concerns. This should be done before the puppy comes, not after - she must have been planning it for a while.

I like dogs but I've never had one and DH was mauled by one as a child, so I think personally we would want a bit more information.

IndieSkies · 05/01/2012 10:18

She should have given you prior notice that they were getting a dog / thinking of getting a dog so that you could make an objective decision about whether that affects the service that she offers. Looked at the pet policy in advance etc. For all she knows any member of your family might be allergic.
However, if she is a good and sensible CM, and you have no 'in principle' objections to a dog and are happy with her pet policy, I would go no further than telling her advance notice would have been useful, and then leave it at that. All's well that end well, and all that!

laptopdancer · 05/01/2012 10:18

It is the OP's business as she has a business arrangement for the care of her child in the household.

Gribble · 05/01/2012 10:21

OP can give notice then cant she Laptop?

laptopdancer · 05/01/2012 10:22

Yes but the point is she should have been told before so she could do so before the dog arrived (if thats what she wanted).

YankNCock · 05/01/2012 10:24

Gribble, I agree that there is an awful lot of hand-wringing about dogs and a lot of it is probably unnecessary. However, the CM has an obligation to inform her families about any changes in the household and give them adequate opportunity to give notice and find other care if they're not happy.

Gribble · 05/01/2012 10:24

sorry something happened and posted too soon Blush

OP can give notice then cant she Laptop? Its not the OPs business whether the CM gets a dog, its the OPs business whether she wants to keep her kids at the CM and she can give notice if she doesnt. I would say in that case that I think it would be U for the CM to charge for the notice if the OP was to take the kids out immediately (although OP says she wont so this is hypothetical of course)

laptopdancer · 05/01/2012 10:25

I think the post above yours by yankncock explains it well gribble

YankNCock · 05/01/2012 10:27

Yes, but yanking your kids out of a CM with nowhere else to go or rushing into an agreement with an alternative childminder is not good for anyone.

As I said, I'm really surprised at the CM not giving advance warning of what is quite a big change to the household. If the OP had decided to take her kids out with no notice, the CM would also be out money, suddenly have vacancies she now has to advertise, etc.

I don't think the CM thought it through very well.

SardineQueen · 05/01/2012 10:29

I would have thought that the CM should give enough warning so that her mindees can give notice and arrange alternative care if necessary.

So I think YANBU.

Gribble · 05/01/2012 10:34

x post laptop, thats probably why I'll never be a CM Grin

2rebecca · 05/01/2012 10:34

I think the childminder getting a dog is the business of the parents who pay her to look after their children. A puppy will take up her time and dogs are pack animals who need to be taught their place in the pack and will often see themselves as dominant over children.
I would be watching the situation warily and looking for alternatives.

ChaoticAngel · 05/01/2012 10:37

YANBU Your CM should have given you more notice.

Can you trust your CM to NEVER leave the dog alone with the kids. I think this is the question you need to reassure yourself about. Otherwise if you're happy with your CM then it may be a good thing for your DC to get to know this puppy and how to behave around it.

melika · 05/01/2012 10:37

Agree with Gribble totally, I am ok with dogs as we have a soppy mongrel of our own who would lick you to death but a British bulldog!

I would have to be reassured time and time again.

4madboys · 05/01/2012 10:39

but the OP would need time to find a new cm and get her kids settled etc, i am assuming the op works and that is why she needs the childcare, she couldnt just PULL her kids out with nowhere else for them to go whilst she works! that is why the cm had/has a responsibility to inform her before she got the dog.

it doesnt seem to be an issue as they are happy anyway but i would have been seriously miffed to turn up at a cm house and find they had suddently got a dog and wouldnt be able to leave my children there do to my allergies, if i was then meant to be going to work what would have been my alternative?

in this situation its a moot point as the op doesnt mind the dog, but the principle on the whole is that a childminder should inform before getting a dog.

SardineQueen · 05/01/2012 10:42

There are a load of reasons that a parent might not want their child cared for in a house with a dog or other types of pets or anything really.

A change like this should come with enough warning for parents to give notice and arrange alternative childcare if they wish.

Can't see why there is an argument with that TBH

StealthPolarBear · 05/01/2012 10:44

But she probably would have liked the opportunity to do that before the dog turned up - otherwise the CM has effectively changed the terms of their business arrangement with no notice

StealthPolarBear · 05/01/2012 10:46

sorry x post, when I posted gribble's was at the top

WhiteTrash · 05/01/2012 10:49

What is DT's? Ive no seen that abreviation before.

Id feel exactly like you OP!

My sons nursery was a house/home (it was set out like a nurseey but several childminders rather than nursery workers) and they had dogs but they were always on the top floor of the house (a no-go area for children) and I knew about them. Id be miffed (at the very least) that I wasnt pre-warned about a dog. A puppy too, they nip! And escape, chew toys etc. Im sure your children will be fine but its the principle.

CoffeeDog · 05/01/2012 10:49

She should have told you - how does your DC feel about dogs? the only plus side i can see is that there may be more opertunity for long walks?

4madboys · 05/01/2012 10:51

DT means darling/dear twins :)

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