to leave dd asleep in her cot

[Rhubarbgarden]

while I nip to the hospital to collect my friend after her op?

I'm pretty sure I won't do this in the end but I'm curious to see if others would be tempted or if it is as big a no no as I think.

I live over the road from a hospital. Friends are always using our drive to park in when they have hospital appointments. I'm happy to help them avoid the high parking charges.

One particular friend has regular appointments there and has had a series of quite major knee operations. She always comes to visit before or after and it's a great excuse to catch up as she lives some distance away.

She's having a relatively minor op this morning to remove pins, and as she had to be there very early this morning she stayed here overnight last night. Now although I say relatively minor, it's under GA and when she checked in first thing they told her she must be collected by someone afterwards and even though it's only 5 mins walk to this house, they won't let her leave on her own.

Obviously I'm happy to go and pick her up; the only snag is that this is likely to coincide with dd's lunchtime nap. Dd is clockwork in her naps and is highly unlikely to wake up during the 2 hours she's down. On the rare occasions she does, she just babbles to herself and plays with her toys till I go get her. I usually finish what I'm doing first.

So would it really be bad parenting to leave her asleep in her cot while I dash to the hospital and back to collect my friend? I would only be gone ten mins. Really truly?

If you popped across the road on a five minute errand (pint of milk, post a letter type thing) and got run over, would it be better for you to have your baby with you, or for you to have your baby safe in their cot?

Why is it more rational to take the baby with you than to leave them alone for five minues?

And it's not illeagal btw.

I would not leave a baby unattended in the house. You will probably get away with it but it's just not worth the risk, and I also think it's illegal. How would you feel if the house caught fire while you were out?

No, it isn't illegal. Nobody is going to condone it, but nor is anyone going to take your babies away for nipping down to the postbox and leaving them in their cot.

Oh grief, this is always a bit of a hot potato.

But what about this?

When DD was tiny, I was at home, she was asleep. I fell down the stairs. Quite badly hurt. As good fortune would have it, there was someone in the house adjusting some doors so he saw and helped. HOWEVER, if he had not been there (99.9% of the time I would have otherwise been alone at home), then I would have had no help and possibly been unconscious for some time and no one would have seen me. DD would have been "alone" until I came too or was able to get up.

If I walked to the post box in my street, and was knocked over/hurt in some way, then someone WOULD see me, after a few minutes at least, and all my neighbours know me (and I know them) and they would almost certainly immediately know there must be a baby alone in the house....

So??? What do you do? When DC were little (ie. when in cots, not just left in the house!) I have sprinted to the post box (but it is actually about 20 feet from the door and does not involve crossing a road) or dropped mis delivered post to my neighbour, and I would regularly go to the bottom of the garden (about 80 feet) to collect eggs, pick veg, etc.....

But, no, I don't think I'd go to the hospital, however close it was. Too many "what if's" or possibilities for things beyond your control that could affect your timing. But I am loathe to say YABU to at least have thought it through..

Update???!!

There were a couple of errands I used to run whilst ds was asleep in his cot, although I lived on an estate so the whole area seemed like an extension of my backyard. I didn't cross roads though. Which is irrational but then most of us are pretty irrational when it comes to these things; as demonstrated by this thread

Unbelievable.

Re annalovesmrbates' post, I can understand why they would have called police in that situation but 7 police cars and 2 ambulances sounds like serious overkill, unless there was some history of domestic violence or similar or an escaped murderer was known to be in the neighbourhood.

I think it was a good suggestion to get her to ask a hospital porter to accompany her across the road. If it really is just 5 mins away then it's not much different than having a porter escourt you to your car.

Lol at the sense of outrage on here! I wouldn't do it but I would absolutely consider it, just like the OP.

What did you do in the end OP?

Yes, we thought that but seemingly they assume the worst and send all available resources until they know they don't need them. 2 ambulances as parent must be separated from children whilst police investigate. So says a policeman friend. She wasn't charged in the end.

I wouldn't, no way at all. I can see why you would consider it but really, I think it is a no as there are too many things that could go wrong.

There may not be a criminal law called 'leaving of children alone in the house act' or whatever but you can be arrested for leaving a child if the child is deemed to be at risk.

Neighbours had their three children removed in the summer and they havent got them back yet. The came home to a houseful of police and social workers and the children were taken into care, the parents to the police station. SS were able to remove them in this way because they had been left alone in the house. They must be more problems or the DCs would be back by now but it was the leaving alone that was the reason for removal.

When DD was born (she was my first) my life revolved around her naps. I wouldnt let her miss one, everything was planned taking them into consideration.

I have DC5 now. I have learnt over the last 20 years that you dont have to live like that. Thank God.

IF your house was broken into, a neighbour called whilst you were out and called social services or there was a fire. If your child survived you'd be in prison and toddlercould be in care.

It would stay on your record even if you was not charged with abandonment.
This is what my online social worker friend has just told me.

Sorry not to update earlier, have been looking after my friend and seemed a bit antisocial to start MNing!

In the end my friend's op was the first of the day, so she rang me to say she was ready while dd was still finishing her lunch. So we were able to dash off, collect her, and get back for dd to be tucked into her cot only a bit later than usual. All fine and dandy.

For those of you harping on about how inconvenient dd's routine is; actually no, I find having a child who sleeps reliably for two hours at the same time every day very helpful; apart from the advantages to her in that she never gets overtired and always falls asleep easily, I like knowing where I'm at and can plan our lives. And you are wrong to assume I let the routine hold us to ransom - it's no big deal if, like today, things have to move a bit. The walls don't come crashing down. My motivation for being tempted to leave her asleep was not because the routine might be affected, but simply because if dd doesn't get her full two hours of daytime sleep she gets very, very ratty later in the day. I don't think it's only routine babies who get grumpy if they are sleep deprived. I didn't want to wake her part way through her nap because she would not go back to sleep.

There is a lot of outrage on this thread. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised; I was expecting a lot of posts saying I shouldn't leave her and indeed when it came down to it, I probably wouldn't have left her, but I am a bit at some of the vehemence. I guess I'm from the same school of thought as the posters who talked about calculated risk rather than those who get panicky returning a supermarket trolley. I am glad I'm not the only one who has considered leaving a sleeping child for a few minutes though!

Some years ago I nursed two holiday makers who left their 2 children, aged 2 and 5, in their caravan to walk around the perimeter of the camp site before retiring to bed. They could see their van at all times during the walk. They were from another country and were looking the wrong way crossing the road. They were hit by a car and both unconscious. The father came round in the ambulance and although he spoke no English was able to let the paramedics know that the children were alone in the van. The children (also non English speaking were woken by police and social services breaking into the van. I often wonder how long it took them to recover from their holiday.

Obviously not an every day occurrence but something I'll never forget.

They cannot force her to stay until collected, can't nurse walk her to Hosp door then she walks/hobbles to yours, you meanwhile walk as far as you can keeping your house in view - kind of meeting her part way without losing sight of your house, would also leave landline phone next to baby connected to your mob

My mummy dearest popped out to get my dad from work,money gone ten minutes (except it ended up being 20)
She came home to the fire brigade .......
Luckily my sister, aged 5, was mature enough to get us out of the house and we ran to the neighbours. She pulled onto the drive as the fire brigade came round the corner. We arrived with the neighbour.
No way in a million years would that have ever happened . . But it did

You think there has been vehemence? (have I spelt that right it looks weird)
Really?
Blimey have you not been on MN long?
I think its been a pretty mild thread.

I know this is all over now but I'd probably wait til your child had had its full sleep, then pop over to collect friend.

I completely understand how some children need a routine 2 hour sleep at a specific time in a cot. My first two did this and we ALL thrived on it but my third can sleep anywhere but particularly on the go (car/buggy). He has less of a requirement for sleep genrally and is more flexiable - the down side being that I often don't get a proper break in the day.

Glad your day went ok. I used to have a nice little routine like that and it was extremely helpful. I don't think anyone has been extreme in their responses, it's just a very emotive topic. I have one friend who used to regularly leave her Ds on his own when he was a baby (I don't mean for hours) but, for example, she left him asleep in her caravan while she had dinner at her sister's caravan across the site. I was aghast and told her so. Sorry, but I was.

I just cannot conceive of leaving your child alone while you leave the house/caravan/building or whatever. With regard to that friend she realised that she might be being rather irresponsible when her then unattended 2 year old fell into her garden pond, fortunately he was ok.

Unbelievable, ledkr ? Why?

Non-mobile baby safe in his cot while his mother posts a letter, sticks some mis-delivered post through a neighbour's door, takes the rubbish/recycling to the refuse point (we didn't have door-to-door collections)We're talking periods of five minutes or less, in an area in which almost everyone knew each other.

What's the problem?

It stupid and neglectful,thats why jenai ive managed to have 5 children,been a single parent,live away from family and work full time and never left any of mine.Post your flaming letters when you are out with baby,and id be damned if id risk leaving my baby whilst i re delivered someones mail
Its a very minor risk granted but an unecessary one imo.

jubilee but that was due to the parents being in a nasty RTA: I doubt the children would have been better off to have witnessed it or even worse been involved (and probably more seriously injured due to being lower down).

I wouldn't leave a baby that young though: just because if anything did happen to the house they wouldn't stand a chance of getting out on their own. Possibly to post mail through next door, but certainly not into another building or otherwise out of sight and sound of home.

This is one of those issues that would have different connotations in other circumstances.
If a young single parent posted on here that she left her baby whilst she popped to the corner shop for ciggies or beer then it would be met with a different response by those who are saying its ok to post a letter or pick up a friend.
Think about it. Im right arent i?

I was that young single parent. Well not that young (20s) but single and in a council flat. I had a ground floor maisonette and when I was out of sight of home it was for literally seconds (to throw stuff into the rubbish room). No different really than going down to the bottom of a largish garden or drive, other than it involved walking out of the gate of my titchy front yard.

11 years on, I would do the same in those circumstances. Having said all that I remember fantasizing about building a pulley system from my front room to the offie across the road ( I never ventured that far without ds).