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AIBU?

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Original poster

mil let dd watch a film I'd said no to

38 replies

PrincessScrumpy · 04/01/2012 15:33

mil got the last harry potter film for Christmas. dh and I wanted to watch it and had a conversation with mil as to when we should watch it as we were only there for three days. Sat eve was decided as dd1 is only 3 and I feel it's too dark for her. She's seen the early ones and loves them but the later ones are too much.

I know mil thinks I'm over protective as I only let dd watch Doctor Who after I've seen it and decided it's ok or not - dd loves scary things and has a great imagination.

Anyway, Saturday afternoon dh and I pop out to see friends with dtds (17wo) but dd chooses to stay with Nanny. We get home to find bil ang his girlfriend watching the film with mil and dd. I immediately call dd and distract her with toys in the other room. mil is clearly annoyed (possibly to hide embarrassment of being caught out), and says "oh we can watch it later too!" dh backs me up saying it's not appropriate for dd and she getsin a huff. dd couldn't care less btw and was oblivious, but I'm still annoyed, mostly by the complete lack of respect for dh's and my wishes. Am I being precious?

OP posts:
EuphemiaAtHogmanay · 04/01/2012 15:35

YANBU. Does your MIL often disregard your wishes, or was this a one-off?

doggiesayswoof · 04/01/2012 15:35

YANBU

My 7yo isn't allowed to watch the last few yet

NatashaBee · 04/01/2012 15:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chalat · 04/01/2012 15:39

YANBU. It is great imaginative stuff but there is a dark side and not something to encourage little ones to explore. Sadly a lot of the tv over the holidays (especially the soaps) seemed to contain a lot of undesirable material shown at a time when young children are still awake. Felt very uncomfortable at what ds2 allows his ds to watch but can say very little as it causes more arguments. Sigh.

Original poster
PrincessScrumpy · 04/01/2012 15:40

I know she thinks I cook weird food - fresh. spag bol is odd to her. she always gives dd loads of chips and chocolate even though dd loves fruit and didn't actually like chips for ages, but that I can live with.

OP posts:
GwendolineMaryLacey · 04/01/2012 15:42

YANBU. I'm trying to watch it without my nearly 4yo peering over my shoulders for that exact reason. She knows who Harry Potter is and I'm just about to let her watch the first one but that's it. It'll be a long time before she gets to watch the later ones.

But, as others have said, doesn't matter if it's HP or Sleeping Beauty. If you said no then she should have kept to that, not taken the first opportunity to sneak it out behind your back.

TheCrunchUnderfoot · 04/01/2012 15:45

Make it clear that undermining your parenting decisions is the fast-track route to wrecking a good relationship with both her granddaughter's parents.

lottiegb · 04/01/2012 15:45

She hasn't thought through the consequences of you not being able to trust her, has she.

aldiwhore · 04/01/2012 15:47

YANBU at all, though my 4 year old has watched all but the last one, and doesn't bat an eyelid, he prefers Cars2 it has to be said.

Whether you're right or your MIL is right isn't the issue because its about parental choice, and you have made that choice so she should respect it.

valiumredhead · 04/01/2012 15:49

The last HP is totally inappropriate for a 3 year old hence the 12a rating, plus she shouldn't have disregarded your feelings about it.

TroublesomeEx · 04/01/2012 15:53

Our DD(5) has watched the earlier HPs but isn't allowed to watch the later ones for the same reasons you gave, OP.

DH and I know our children. We know what will upset them and what won't.

For example, there are already 15 films I'd consider suitable for DS (13) in the near future (e.g. Beetlejuice) whilst there are others (e.g. the original Japanese version of Ring) that I would be cautious about letting him watch (I know, I know) when he is 15. Because I know him.

Once again, this was your decision to make and not your ILs who have assumed some sort of authority (as so many seem to!)

What does your DH think?

My MIL constantly pushes the boundaries with us. She's desperate to spend more time with the children but her behaviour when she's with them is really questionable.

I feel like she's in constant competition with me for Top Mum spot. She doesn't understand that when it comes to my children there is no competition; I am Top Mum!

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 04/01/2012 15:53

YANBU - she should respect your wishes! However, it prob all went over DD's head anyway, I cant imagine when my DS was 3 he would have sat through it and known what was going on.

wahwahwah · 04/01/2012 15:56

Aren't the Harry Potter films rated a 12?

TheCrunchUnderfoot · 04/01/2012 16:01

'She hasn't thought through the consequences of you not being able to trust her, has she.'

Your DH should take her aside and gently but firmly point out exactly that. It also lets her know that there will be no silly underhand competitioning, no power play (which is bad bad bad for the DC) - quite simply, if she starts to pull stunts like this, she won't get the one on one time that she wants, because you won't trust her, and you won't hesitate for a moment in stopping her babysitting etc.

The film may be a 'small' thing, but trust isn't. It's about trusting her with your child and about her respecting what you want as parents - not small things at all.

TroublesomeEx · 04/01/2012 16:14

OP, listen to TheCrunch. This is exactly what has happened in our family.

DH says that his parents problem is that they both have a problem with being told what to do and they rebel against everything.

They continue to 'pull stunts' so we just don't trust them anymore, even in an emergency. Unfortunatley, once that trust has gone, it's very difficult to get back.

AngryMotherF · 04/01/2012 16:17

She was out of order and needs to be told that she will not be left alone with her grandchild any more as you clearly can't trust her.

Either that, or you decide to let mil do what she wants in exchange for babysitting.

She should respect your wishes, but if she won't, don't leave your child with her again.

Original poster
PrincessScrumpy · 04/01/2012 16:21

folkgirl that is exactly it - she seems to try to compete with me to be dd's favourite and is disappointed when dd is tired and wants me not her. She loves dd but never had a girl herself and had to have a hysterectemy at 32 so maybe that's it - she was jealous when I was pg with dd and acted strangely but was fine when I was pg with dtds recently.

I don't always follow certificates - dd watched stardust and loved it (really surprised me as she sat through the whole film) and I let her watch Hairspray which she loves but then had to explain that certain words were not ones for her to use - ooops.

I think Harry Potter films are PG apart from the deadly Hallows

OP posts:
EuphemiaAtHogmanay · 04/01/2012 16:30

Goblet of Fire onwards are cert 12.

Original poster
PrincessScrumpy · 04/01/2012 16:35

thanks - she's seen the 1st and 2nd ones but I went on my own instinct rather than the cert.

OP posts:
GreyRosesAreMyFavourite · 04/01/2012 16:40

It's a 12A and your daughter is 3!!!!!

Seriously, I wouldn't allow my eldest to see any HP until she was 8+ and had read the books. And she watched them all with us.

(But I feel the same about Doctor Who - entirely unsuitable for preschoolers!)

My 3 year old is curled next to me watching The Grufalo's Child - much more appropriate.

EuphemiaAtHogmanay · 04/01/2012 16:40

Quite right - my DD was 8 when I took her to see Deathly Hallows Part 1, but I was sure she was mature enough to handle the scary bits.

She's listened to the audio CDs five million several times and so was obsessively very familiar with the storylines, so the nasty bits came as no surprise.

In all if these things, though, you are the parent and it's your decision.

EuphemiaAtHogmanay · 04/01/2012 16:42

I think 12A films in the cinema become 12 for home media release.

NorksAkimbo · 04/01/2012 16:45

Yeah...my DC are 5 and 4, and there will be no watching any of the HP films until we've read the books...by the time we finish the series, they MIGHT be old enough to watch the films!! Grin

Really inappropriate of your MIL, and yadnbu.

minimisschief · 04/01/2012 16:47

i watched terminator when i was 4 or 5. Most of it just goes over your head at that age. what are you actually worried is going to happen?

catpark · 04/01/2012 16:47

YANBU. Films/video games etc. have certificates for a reason. The last films are rated 12, you wouldn't be able to take a 3 year old to the cinema to see it so why is it o.k. at home ? The big isue here isn't just the film its the blatent disrespect towards your wishes. This is your child not hers and what you/DH says goes. Think your DH needs to have more than a quiet word to her about this especially if there is other issues reagrding the MIL ignoring your wishes.

My DD is now 7 and she doesn't get to see the Harry potter films. She watched the first one when she was about 5 years old and afterwards they were banned. She picked up on the rude words used and kept repeating them, 'bloody hell' and 'fat arse'. After a few warnings she stopped using the words but since that film is a U we decided to not allow her to see the higher rated ones !

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