mil let dd watch a film I'd said no to

[PrincessScrumpy]

mil got the last harry potter film for Christmas. dh and I wanted to watch it and had a conversation with mil as to when we should watch it as we were only there for three days. Sat eve was decided as dd1 is only 3 and I feel it's too dark for her. She's seen the early ones and loves them but the later ones are too much.

I know mil thinks I'm over protective as I only let dd watch Doctor Who after I've seen it and decided it's ok or not - dd loves scary things and has a great imagination.

Anyway, Saturday afternoon dh and I pop out to see friends with dtds (17wo) but dd chooses to stay with Nanny. We get home to find bil ang his girlfriend watching the film with mil and dd. I immediately call dd and distract her with toys in the other room. mil is clearly annoyed (possibly to hide embarrassment of being caught out), and says "oh we can watch it later too!" dh backs me up saying it's not appropriate for dd and she getsin a huff. dd couldn't care less btw and was oblivious, but I'm still annoyed, mostly by the complete lack of respect for dh's and my wishes. Am I being precious?

It doesn't actually matter what film it was, you and your DH had specifically said you didn't want your DD to see it, so your MiL waited until you were out and deliberately sat her down to watch it. That is the bit that would have me frothing.

My MiL lets my DCs watch a particular TV show every saturday when they go to visit her - they are not allowed to watch it at home, and I even "confiscated" a book of the same thing when DS got it for Christmas. DH thinks the whole thing is hilarious and says "it's the only thing on the telly for kids at that time of day". So far I have just about sucked it up, and the DCs tend to behave really well at MiLs house because they think they're getting away with something but it may yet escalate depending on their behaviour after they watch it.

I watched the first one again for the first time in years and - although it's mostly all rather sweet and 'don't-they-look-young?', the climax is still pretty scary! I remember being frightened in the cinema and it still gets to me now.

I was a very sensitive child and easily upset by anything remotely spooky/ frightening so I am hyper aware of what might upset other children now. So I'd say the later HP films are definitely not suited to a 3 year old.

Blimey - I can't imagine a 3y/o sitting through a HP film let alone the later ones.

I may be a bit skewed though - DD1 who's 5.9y had nightmares after watching UnderDog a Disney live action U film and she's aware that there are other channels apart from Cbeebies but they are suitable for her or her sisters (4 & 2).

Really your MIL is pushing and pushing to be Numero Uno Mummy and I guess she will keep doing whatever it takes to achieve that unless her son puts his foot down.

dd does like a bit of a scare and has a good attention span but I think there's a limit and even if she enjoyed it, it doesn't make it suitable. She's almost 4 but still, as she's happy being a child I'd like to keep her that way.. they grow up so fast anyway!

She's only seen old Dr Whos as the newer ones are too dark imo.

HP 7 is a 12 YANBU I think MIL was caught out its to dark for a 3 yr old imo not many laughs in it however it is only a story and i dont think she will come to much harm watching it , I know it sounds like im copping out but most of it would go over a 3 yr olds head ,

But, but, but mrsjay the MIL wouldn't have been caught out if she'd abided by the OP and her DH's wishes and not shown the child the film in the first place!

I'd be absolutely fuming if my MIL did this. HP7 (which I enjoyed), is more than a few shades darker than the first two, and completely inappropriate viewing for a 3-4yo.

I agree with TheCrunch's post too - it's a question of trust. If she's deliberately going against your wishes, well, perhaps she won't get to babysit her dgc, or get to see her as much as she'd like.

folkgirl you are right parents said no granny said yes they age old GP V P argument i do think she shouldve abided by the parents decision ,

Aldiwhore said it. It doesn't matter if it's Harry Potter or Halloween, you told her it was unsuitable for your child and she deliberately ignored you.

I doubt a 3yo would really take much notice or understand the film, whereas an 8yo could be more scared by it.

YANBU to be annoyed that MIL has gone against your wishes, but she is probably of the same mind as most in that at 3yo she isnt really go to watch or be affected by the film anyway.

The only films I would stop any child from watching are ones with sex, a LOT of swearing or particularly gruesome violence in.. none of which apply to Harry Potter.

This doesn't strike me as being about the suitability of the film per se, but about her going against your express wishes.

Unless you have reason to think there is any early dementia or other incapacity (which is a whole different issue), then this is a straightforward case of whether you can in future trust her to be unsupervised with DCs. If this is an out of character error, and she is contrite, then accept apology and move on.

If it is repeated ignoring of your wishes, or she just doesn't get it, then have your DH explain (as suggested above) that this matters to both of you and if she cannot accept the house rules, then you'll have to find a different way ahead. It is important to involve DH as it is his mother. And it is important that you do it now, as you want to have this dealt with before more complex issues arise.

My ds is only just over 2 and was absolutely terrified by the Polar Express which he saw with his older cousins. He woke up in the middle of the night saying "oh no, happened, train crash, boy ticket, oh no, scary!" and needing hugs. They don't need to understand things to find them scary and HP is definitely quite "jumpy". We can't have much adult television on in the background even here, because ds tunes into it very fast e.g. "man doing? man fighting? Dopit man!" and is quite worried about it.

Anyway, quite frankly, it doesn't really matter whether you are U or not about your child watching HP. Essentially your MIL deliberately went against your parental wishes.