To refuse to take a child's free school meal token from them

[1Catherine1]

I'm a teacher in a secondary school and also a form tutor. I enjoy my role as a form tutor but there are certain tasks I would prefer to have no part in.

This might sound silly but I find it very awkward and difficult to take a child's dinner token from them. My own father grew up in difficult circumstances and I am well aware that his free school meal was often the only meal he would have in a day. It makes me very uncomfortable to be put in this situation and last time they asked me to do it I refused on grounds that my role was to be a supportive tutor, not the "bitch that took my lunch". For me, my relationship with my students is important. I'm wondering though if I'm over thinking things. I have no idea why it makes me so uncomfortable but it does.

They have requested that I take another girls token from her tomorrow when I see her as she wasn't in today (she was at her uncles funeral). I was just about to e-mail them back and tell them I would send her down to reception but have no part in the taking the token off her when I wondered if I was being unreasonable. AIBU? :(

Sorry if this seems trivial and people think I should just do it. I'm not wanting to refuse as I view it as an admin role or beneath me or anything like that.

Oh I see, Chipping. In that case if the child isn't eligible, she shouldn't have the tokens. There are plenty of children of working parents that have less than those on fsm, and even though it's never easy to take things away from children, it is a job which has to be done. Maybe a letter to parents would be the way to go to save embarrasment to the individual, i don't know, but if you aren't eligible, using further vouchers is fraud?

If these children are not eligible for FSM because the family circumstances have changed, or because they have not provided the relevant documentation then you take the token away.

It is that simple.

Having been responsible for FSM administration in a secondary school, the parents will have been told WELL in advance that their award was due for renewal and the occasions on which parents didn't get the information back in to me in time to renew were few and far between. Almost every family who didn't renew couldn't because they were no longer eligible.

If you're giving these two children tokens they're not eligible for, then you may as well give a token to every child in the class.

I would imagine the OP has been asked to collect the token as she/he sees these children every morning and they can ask in a discreet manner, rather than making it more obvious by making the children involved leave the class to go to the office. I would think the office staff are dealing with the actual renewal so there is NO need for the teacher to be ringing up asking the parents about what is going on. This is a simple matter of the token being collected in from children who are no longer entitled to use it.

And as for FSM being a stigma - I can't think of a single child who got FSM in the school I worked at who saw it as a stigma. Most of them were more than happy to wave their ticket about in front of the students in the canteen! I certainly wasn't embarrassed about having FSM and that was in the dark ages of the late 1980s.

Whats the confusion here. Child was eligible, now is not. Has to give token back, OP doesn't want to be the one to take it.

Not that difficult if you concentrate.

I can understand why you wouldn't want to take the token from her if she had no lunch or money for that day. Surely she would need to go to the office to get the admin to call parents to bring in lunch anyway so they can take the token from her then? Just send her to the office.

Well said Flisspaps - also, the administrator at the local Council offices who deals with the FSM will have been in contact with the family to tell them they are no longer eligible. It shouldn't come as a shock!

A quick phone call from the office to the parents to remind them to send a packed lunch in future, job sorted - at least that's how easy it is at my school. It's not rocket science.

Maybe you are overthinking it a bit. As other posters have said, the family should already know. As a form tutor you are probably the person who can deal with this in the most sensitive way. You know your tutees better than most of the staff and are in a position where you can monitor whether they are getting a decent meal at lunchtime, or if you are concerned for their welfare.

It's not you taking their token, it's the system. They need to be reassured of that.

I totally understand your problem OP - your role is to support the students not do anything which might be problematic for them. You have a pastoral responsibility for them - you're not financial admin.

I think this should be something discussed at a staff meeting - how do your colleagues feel about doing this?

YANBU - This is a matter between the Benefits office who issued the FSM, and the parents who claimed it..

The parents may be trying to scam the last few FSM if they're not entitled, or maybe genuinely unaware- Whichever it is, it's not the childs' responsibility to give it back, it's the parents.. A very awkward situation for you and the pupil!

I'm struggling to understand why it's such a big deal. Why would taking a token of a child who doesn't need it anymore damage the student/teacher relationship?

These are secondary school students that surely have enough sense to realise. That OP wouldn't be the bitch that took their lunch, she would just be the teacher that saved them a trip to the office to give back something they no longer need or have any entitlement to.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all in not wanting to my deal with this personally. when my school lunches stopped I was given a letter to take home to my parents and they stopped at the end of week. It said why and that if there was any issues with it (which there was) my mother was asked to come in to the school and see the head of finance department.

To hand over a letter to say the tokens will stop is one thing, to take a child's lunch is another.

...............................................
As for whether they need then that is a question of tick boxes not how much money you have to feed your child.

JSA: tick
Self employed making a loss but trying: no tokens
Working low income: no tokens

It can often be the choice between parent eating more then one meal a day or your child eating lunch. By taking that free meal both a parent and child could be missing out on a hot meal each day.:(

I once worked in a school, with administrative responsibility for free school meals. I remember one asylum- seeking child whose social worker refused to sign off on his entitlement (they could do this- it was discretionary). I took it to the bursar and he agreed we would add his name to the list. Food is -or should be- a human right.

Op- Yanbu.

our high school has a fingerprint system they used to have electronic cards I think this is better than tokens or been kept to last which is horrible , i can remember my dad was a miner and on strike i got free meals and we had to go to a special window in the lunch hall to have out name ticked off and the other kids sauntered passed shouting and teasing us , it really is humilating I used to beg my mum for money so i could pay like everybody else she had it hard enough without me harping on, 13 is hard enough without having your name ticked off , the free school meals children always seemed to get in last .

OH and i dont think a teacher should be responsible for this it should be an admin situation not a form teacher , what an awful situation to be in op ,

"Should every child just be given lunch "free"?"

Our LA piloted just that. Apparently it was a huge success, but as of this academic year they can no longer afford to carry on with this. Such a shame, and awful to hear about children whose only chance of a decent meal is at school :(
Schools already provide books etc, why can't they provide food (and yes I know that would mean a rise in taxes)

I think posting about missing days is all a bit of a red herring.

It sounds as if the OP is saying that she is refusing to take back the token that says "I am eligible for a free meal" from children who are no longer eligible.

If that is the case than YABU. You are a teacher, you should be demonstrating that following the rules is important.

It's all bit "me me me" from the OP. I feel bad about it, I'm not comfortable doing it.....how about thinking about the kid who has to have it taken off them? You don't care that they are losing out, only about your role in it. Try thinking a bit more about them and less about yourself and you might feel better.

SPB - Do you know in what way the pilot was a success? Increased academic results? Increased attendance? Or something else?

Do you have any links to anything about the results of the pilot?

Have the parents had warning that the token will be taken away, and a chance to provide the child with money instead?

If so - no problem remove the token.

If not, then the parents need warning to prove entilement to FSM or notice to provide money instead

I don't get why there would be a problem otherwise??

If the parents know this will be happening they will have made other provision surely so you wouldn't be depriving the child of food.

Which is better from the child's point of view?

A tactfully worded and discreet (ie not in front of whole class) request from a sympathetic teacher who is seen every day and who is charged with their pastoral care?

Or an instruction to go to an office for same request from an admin person they may not know at all?

Yes, I think it is a case of the OP being hyper sensitive and creating a drama where there doesn't need to be one. This situation isn't about her , it is about the children in receipt of the free school meals.

OP- You clearly relish your pastoral role, so why not have a quiet chat with the girl in question after registration and enquire if anything has changed at home. It could be that a parent is now working or it could be parents not completing paperwork in time. If you were a bit more informed about the reasons behind the decision then you might be able to respond appropriately rather than simply abdicating responsibility and letting someone else do the dirty work.

FYO I was eligible for free school meals when I started school, as my dad was on strike. So please don't think I lack knowledge/sympathy for what these kids are going through.

Definitely fingerprint system needed. Not that I work for a firm that provides them or anything!

Thank you for your replies. I think the suggestion that its all "me me me" is a little harsh btw. I can only know things from my point of view. I only know how I would feel in that position and I would be annoyed that everyone knew about my family finances. I was always over sensitive though, even as a child. Hence the "AIBU?". I didn't want to upset the girl and didn't want to be put in a situation where I might have to. She is a lovely young girl but a little bit sensitive. The mention of the funeral she was at yesterday confused a few people but I mentioned it only as I expected that the girl in question would be in a delicate state today. She had told me she was close to her uncle.

Thanks to the replies that stated I was being too sensitive and should just "do my job". Today I quietly asked her to return it to the office when she had a moment. She mumbled something, didn't seem pleased that I'd said anything and now personally I still feel that it is not "my job". I think it is ok to say children understand that it is not me taking it from them and perhaps that is the case but perhaps they don't want everyone to know their business.

I asked a few of the other teachers in my department and they also felt that this should be an admin job, not a tutor role. I then e-mailed the admin woman who had asked me to take it in the first place and asked that in future I be left out of the process. Since she had already spoken to the mother I see no reason why they couldn't have simply told her mother to tell the girl to hand it into reception without me becoming involved.

I again thank everyone for their responses. I guess really it comes down to who the token is being taken off whether the child would be more comfortable me doing it or an admin person.

I don't think it should be a class teacher's job...form tutor's a bit trickier as there is a certain amount of admin. But overall, I don't see why it can't be done through the office, especially if they've already been in touch with the parents.

The chances are that if you take it from her in the morning, she'll then have to go without lunch - and she's very unlikely to think of it as just something you have to do, so no, I don't think yabu to say that it isn't part of your job at all.

OP you sound like a great teacher to me, I totally understand what you are saying. I've known teachers give their own lunch to a child they knew would simply not get fed and who wasn't eligible for FSM. Not suggesting you do that but I know that going that little bit further to consider your pupils is what marks out a good teacher in my eyes. I agree the admin office should be trying to sort it out - don't you have an on site welfare officer at your school?