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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to take a child's free school meal token from them

74 replies

1Catherine1 · 04/01/2012 15:05

I'm a teacher in a secondary school and also a form tutor. I enjoy my role as a form tutor but there are certain tasks I would prefer to have no part in.

This might sound silly but I find it very awkward and difficult to take a child's dinner token from them. My own father grew up in difficult circumstances and I am well aware that his free school meal was often the only meal he would have in a day. It makes me very uncomfortable to be put in this situation and last time they asked me to do it I refused on grounds that my role was to be a supportive tutor, not the "bitch that took my lunch". For me, my relationship with my students is important. I'm wondering though if I'm over thinking things. I have no idea why it makes me so uncomfortable but it does.

They have requested that I take another girls token from her tomorrow when I see her as she wasn't in today (she was at her uncles funeral). I was just about to e-mail them back and tell them I would send her down to reception but have no part in the taking the token off her when I wondered if I was being unreasonable. AIBU? :(

Sorry if this seems trivial and people think I should just do it. I'm not wanting to refuse as I view it as an admin role or beneath me or anything like that.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 04/01/2012 15:21

And to be fair, if the parents hadn't supplied the necessary documentation to prove she was still eligible, they should have sent her with a packed lunch.

Most schools are screaming out for people to claim FSM because they get extra funding, so I'm sure someone in the office would help them sort it quickly.

ZXEightyMum · 04/01/2012 15:21

I was a primary teacher many years ago and one of the "sanctions" used against a boy from a horrifically neglectful and chaotic family was to make him last in the queue for his free school meal. It was jovially discussed in the staffroom once:

"Oh, it's the only thing that works, the threat of it - food being a primary need and all. Very clever don't you think?"

I. Went. Ballistic.

This very thin, hollowed-eyed and gaunt child visibly lost even more weight after every school holiday.

He was also taken the piss out of by his teacher after the "design a sandwich" task for merely describing a sugar sandwich and not thinking of getting some nice ham and adding avocado and mayonnaise and perhaps some salad FFS.

I used to leave all my spare change (silvers - I'd sometimes get it changed up especially) in my desk drawer and ask him to tidy it and throw away the rubbish and coins knowing that he would keep the money.

YAN BU!

brummiemummie · 04/01/2012 15:21

"Thing is the border between being eligible and not is a fine line."

Yes but it's not up to you to decide where to draw that line. I can understand why you feel uncomfortable and by all means send her to the office to ask them to deal with it. But if you're being told she's no longer entitled to FSM, it's not up to you or even the school to decide that she is. Not really sure why you seem to be blaming the school for this tbh

brummiemummie · 04/01/2012 15:24

I think I might have got a bit confused. Is the token being taken away because she's no longer eligible or is it a punishment?

FlightRisk · 04/01/2012 15:24

what fuck wits in the office are dealing with it in this way?

The admin staff need to contact the parents/carers not pull an intervention with the child. What if the child has no money? Do they make the child starve? Surely they know that a full stomach helps a brain work properly?!

Bloody hell if your school would like to sack any of the admin team and hire me instead. I'm a well experienced admin officer coming from child protection legal services. I'm sure I would do a better job.

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 04/01/2012 15:24

So a child only has one token - it's like a badge to say they're entitled to free meals - and they want you to take it off them due to them arguably no longer being entitled to fee meals/documentation not being provided?

Not your job IMO. That would damage your relationship with the children you teach, and is something for the admin staff to deal with.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 04/01/2012 15:24

ZXEightyMum Poor little sod :( What a shitty way to treat a child.

RumourOfAHurricane · 04/01/2012 15:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheElDudeBrothers · 04/01/2012 15:27

I think the family ought to get a week or so notice that they are going to have to now provide either money for a lunch or a packed lunch. I don't think you can just take it away with no notice at all.

Can you get the office to send home a letter explaining why they are no longer eligible, saying that the token will have to be returned by xxth January??

GwendolineMaryLacey · 04/01/2012 15:28

As I understand it, the being at the funeral is a red herring.

The children have a token, like a pass, same one every day. Every day they show this pass/token and its number is noted, they receive a meal.

The OP has two children who are no longer entitled to the token, one because of lack of documentation, one for other reasons. She has been asked to collect the token from them. That sound right?

Birdsgottafly · 04/01/2012 15:28

Tbh you need to change over to the finger print system, it's alot less trouble.

diabolo · 04/01/2012 15:29

This is insane.

I work in a medium sized middle school, sink estate, with about 55 kids on FSM. Every week 5 more go on the list, and 5 come off it (parents got jobs usually). It happens in EVERY school, EVERY week. I don't know why the OP is so upset about it, apart from the fact that teachers should be teaching, not dealing with family paperwork!

MrsMcEnroe · 04/01/2012 15:36

The OP asked if she was over-thinking things and projecting her own childhood experiences onto this situation.

OP - yes, you are, but I understand why!

If the withdrawing of the token is due to admin reasons and not as a punishment, I think YABU though.

If it's a punishment - YANBU. And should probably take it further.

MrsMcEnroe · 04/01/2012 15:36

By "taking it further" I mean that you should inform someone higher up the chain of command that you have concerns, not remove further tokens from children!

WorraLiberty · 04/01/2012 15:39

That makes sense to me Gwendoline when put like that.

Have you ever thought about taking up teaching?

AngryMotherF · 04/01/2012 15:42

Can't you just call the parents to check that they are no longer eligible? If they are not entitled to it anymore then you have no right to say that they should still get the FSM, that is not your call to make.

You can send them to reception and let them deal with it if you want to, that's up to you, but I think you are being a bit petty.

They are either entitled or they aren't.

You can chase the parents for the right paperwork if you think it will enable the child to have a FSM, but that is all.

There are plenty of us that don't get FSMs and struggle to pay, and there are plenty of people that get FSMs who have a higher income than those of us who don't.

YABVU.

GracieW · 04/01/2012 17:22

YABU. Firstly, as others have said, it's not up to you to decide who is eligible and if they haven't got the correct paperwork they don't get FSM, simple as that. Secondly, who are you to say that they need it more than others? Or not?

However, also echoing other posts - in our school this would be something admin would deal with by sending a letter to the parents.

cricketballs · 04/01/2012 17:30

you should not be dealing with these matters; I would contact your union if your school demands this as it is admin.

In terms of eligibility, if someone is no longer entitled, then so be it whilst I appreciate it is a fine line, there has to be a line at some point as with everything in life

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 04/01/2012 17:31

This should be done as an admin job, by admin staff - it should not be down to the teaching staff for the childs sake. The child should not have the embarassment (as most children will find it) of knowing the teacher knows she's on 'free meals' . A little dignity should be allowed and it should be a private matter between the admin staff & the child - well actully, it should be between the admin staff & the parents, but that's probably never going to happen.

valiumredhead · 04/01/2012 17:34

I still don't understand the problem

happyinherts · 04/01/2012 17:39

Is it that because the girl was absent from school one day, she can't use that day's token, but is eligible for fsm for the rest of the term?

In which case you're not being unreasonable to take the token for admin purposes. It's what you are supposed to do

tethersend · 04/01/2012 17:39

I think school meals should be free for every child

mrsjay · 04/01/2012 17:47

I thought you were a bit embarassed for the child having free school dinners on the kids behalf but as i read it as the other way as a punishment im not quite sure which it is ? I think its awful they give tokens out for lunches anyway free school meals is such a stigma for teens i think ,

LynetteScavo · 04/01/2012 18:00

Well, you can't just take it off her without warning. I would have a private word mentioning that she is no longer eligible, and she will need to bring lunch tomorrow. At least she will be aware of the situation then. She may have no idea she is no longer eligible.

If the school is that bothered about her not having a lunch they can black list her number, surely.

And I agree, fingerprint system is the way to go.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 04/01/2012 18:01

Valium (& happy) from what I can gather, both of these children had been entitled to free school dinners but now, for whatever reason, they are no longer eligible (parents with a different job or whatever, or possibly simply not returning the correct paperwork to enable the school to claim for them - the OP may have said, I can't remember and can't be bothered to read it all again). Her point (I believe) is that it shouldn't be her responsibility to take the lunch tokens off of these children (they have one they use every single day, the number is recorded by the catering staff). It has nothing to do with the child being off school yesterday, I think the OP was just saying she couldn't do it as the child wasn't there, she was at a funeral and that adds to the crapness of taking it off of her.

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