about this money?

[giveyourselfashiny]

A relative has left my sisters and I 10 - 12 thousand pounds each, my father is the executor of the will. He has said, she would have wanted you to do something for the children's future with it. There is NOTHING in the will about how we should spend it. And the relative never spoke to us or my father about her will, until she passed we never knew we were even in the will.
My husband and I have decided to put 3 grand away for the kids, put a new bathroom in, approx 4 thousand inc fitting etc, and get our house new doors and Windows. So basically the whole amount is gone, but it is not pissed up the wall, its for things to make our lives easier.
My dad is going mental and refusing to talk to me, because he thinks I am wasting money that my children should have.
Am I in the wrong here?

If she had wanted you to do something for your children's future, she could have left it in a trust to your children.

Its your money to do what you wish with.

I don't know why you even told him your plans for it?

YANBU, if your late relative felt that strongly that the money should be used for your DC, she could have left it in trust directly for them or put a request in the will that she hoped it would be used for their education or whatever. In the absence of either of those things having happened your dad IBU IMO.

It sounds as if he is the one who wanted you to use the money for their future. I'd say investing in the family home is a pretty good use of the money actually. No advice on how to handle your Dad though.

I can see your dad's POV here actually.

If you can imagine not knowing about it, how nice would it be to know that it is sitting in a high interest account for any amount of time in the future. For emergencies, for dc's future, for when you are utterly desperately in need of new windows...

I have spent some cash I squirrelled away for dc's and I really regret it now.
But, of course do what you like with it. I wish I could save and forget. It's great to have savings like that in the bank.

A conversation about how the money was to be paid out, did I want it paid to accounts for the kuds lead me to tell him I wanted 3 grand put asside in an account for the kids. But the rest was going to us, not the kids. Basically he doesn't know exactly what were doing but knows its house things.

No, of course not. It is entirely up to you (and your dh) how you use any money that comes into your household. It really is none of your Dad's business if there were no instructions or caveats from the lady who left it you.

Wow your dad sounds way out of order

Only thing I can think is that he's worried he can't leave your kids much?

I would just ask him to put it all into your account and then deal with it as you see fit.

Woo, the children each after this will have 5 grand in savings, which I think is pretty decent, so they do have some money.

My parents will leave nothing for anyone, and I couldn't care less what they have, or don't, is theirs. But I do slightly feel that he is trying to get this to make up for that.

I'm presuming your children live in your house with you, so you have done something for their benefit-you've made their home cosier and more comfortable to live in!
Your dad's being bang out of order with how he's behaving but that's easy for me to say, being on the outside

I can just imagine that your dad is like my dad was. Very good at giving advice about saving for the future and basically worrying about you and dc's. And looking into longer term future than I could ever see or imagine.

Entirely up to you what you do with it. If she had wanted the children to have if for their education, she could have stipulated that in the will or left the money in trust.
Your dad is being unreasonable.

YANBU - 25% is going to them and the rest into adding to the value if your home which ultimately will go to them (I presume) so directly and indirectly it's being invested for their future. It's none if your dad's business to be honest. He's being a bit childish.

These are the sort of things that I expect your dad enjoys in his house already and takes totally for granted. If you dont have double glazing or a decent bathroom already then you are doing the right thing!

That 3 thousand for the kids is a great idea.

Maybe your dad needs to be told that its for the windows and doors as the current ones are not secure or are letting out heat. Surely he can see the logic of basic household maintenance?

Your Dad doesn't need to be told anything. It's none of his business. She left the money to you, if she had wanted it saved for the children she could have left it to them - she didn't, in any way, leave it to your Dad. Tell him to butt out.

Your dad is out of line insisting he knows best how to spend your money. I see why he feels as he does, but he needs to bite his tongue.

Personally, I would tell him that you do and have saved money for your children, but that you have been wondering when to get your bathroom done for a while and realized that now you have a little more security, now is the time.

FWIW, my dad is exactly the same - always judging me for spending not saving, no matter what. But then, I had the experience of growing up with parents who convinced me we were struggling for money because of the way they spent money. It's not a pleasant feeling - I always felt guilty for wanting things and got teased a lot for wearing my brother's hand-me-downs until I was a teenager and ended up wearing horrible cheap rubbish thereafter. I now know they had lots of savings and they have told us that 'when we want it' they are in a position to give both me and my brothers 50k deposits on houses and to lend us more 'if need be'. They have also just spend over 100k on an extension. Frankly, though I am so pleased they are now spending some of their savings and touched they have kept money for us, I am also a little hurt they didn't think it mattered to use that money when I was a child getting teased because I was 12 and wearing secondhand boys' clothes.

I do not think that it is always right to save money and your children are obviously going to get the use out of your home improvements, and I believe myself that when they are grown up, tehy will probably understand why you decided to do that!

Btw, I'm sorry, I got carried away there and that sounds like I am being self-centred ... which I am, I'm sorry .. and boasting about money, which I'm not - I'm just shocked and a bit angry that my parents didn't think I was worth spending money on as a child, and I do think children notice this sort of thing more than we think.)

If your Dad wants money to be spent on your children he is welcome to provide some. Unless he's claiming to have had some secret, recent conversation with the relative (you don't say so) he has no stake at all in this.

Is he concerned about your DCs' future for a reason? Could he explain this? He may be worrying unnecessarily about something.

If you think there is any doubt that he will be difficult about handing it over then lie and say youve changed your mind and you're going to start a savings account for them. As engaging a solicitor to make him cough up could be expensive.

Then spend it on what the hell you like.

YANBU. It's your money so you should get to spend it as you see fit.

Your dad is being So U!! The money was willed to you, not your kids, therefore you have the right to spend it how you want!

you have two options - either appear to agree with your dad just to get the money, or make a stand and tell him it's your choice.

btw - have you taken into account the tax you need to pay on this? as the money hasn't been left in trust, but goes straight to you, you need to pay tax on it. check on that before you start spending.

YANBU and also, you are putting some of the money aside for your kids. The money you are spending on doing up your home will also benefit your kids. It is your money, to do with what you wish.