about this money?

[giveyourselfashiny]

A relative has left my sisters and I 10 - 12 thousand pounds each, my father is the executor of the will. He has said, she would have wanted you to do something for the children's future with it. There is NOTHING in the will about how we should spend it. And the relative never spoke to us or my father about her will, until she passed we never knew we were even in the will.
My husband and I have decided to put 3 grand away for the kids, put a new bathroom in, approx 4 thousand inc fitting etc, and get our house new doors and Windows. So basically the whole amount is gone, but it is not pissed up the wall, its for things to make our lives easier.
My dad is going mental and refusing to talk to me, because he thinks I am wasting money that my children should have.
Am I in the wrong here?

Sounds as if you've spent the money very sensibly.

The kids will benefit from the improvements to the house as well.

As far as I am aware there is no tax to pay, her estate is under inheritance tax threshold

I inherited a similar amount when my Granny died, I wanted to put some away for a rainy day, have a holiday and buy a piano and a second hand car.

But when I received it, DH wasn't getting any work in (self employed and just returning to work after an accident, so had to build up a client base again as he was off for over 18 months).

I couldn't justify using the money for all the luxuries the family would have heartly approved of, we needed it to live. I was also pregnant, furnitureless, and about to be made redundant (fantastic timing!) and were moving house. So I spent it, all of it, wisely and carefully and extremely gratefully. I hope my Granny would be pleased she could help, I think she would.

My mother has never let me hear the end of it, she makes 'jokes' about how shit I am with money (true sometimes, I don't much care for it so long as we get by) and how I 'frittered' the inheritence whilst my sister still has all of hers (my childless sister who's married to a wealthy, a lovely, man).

Water off a duck's back. You shouldn't have revealed your intent, but now you have, you'll just have to wait for your dad to stop sulking and have a real conversation with him. Tell him that YOU are saving for your children's future, and that your relative has given them a better standard for the present, a gift you appreciate deeply. Then ban all talk of it in future.

Tell him you've considered his view, and will be accomodating his wishes to a large extent (you already are) but don't change what you are actually doing, just rephrase it.

I don't know that much about administering a will, but is your father the only executor? I'd be a bit concerned that he might try to get his own way by opening savings accounts in your children's names (that they couldn't get access to until they're 18) and pay the money into that. That would be against the law, but would be a difficult situation to reverse. If there's another executor, who you get on well with, it might be worth having a word to ensure that your father follows the law and passes all your inheritance directly and entirely to you.

Sorry if that sounds rather scaremongering, but the thought popped into my mind when I was reading your op and has been niggling ever since, so I thought it was better to say it rather than keep silent, just in case.

there are 2 executors, but i dont really know the other one.
i would hope that the solicitor would not allow him to do that tho.

If you know who the solicitor is (or even just the name of the practice), it would be worth contacting him/her. Solicitors dealing with wills are very used to the issues involved with inheritance, and at the very least could make the point very clear that the only thing your father is legally permitted to do is to pass the money directly to you only, and cannot impose any restrictions on what you do with it.

That may be the get-out clause in dealing with your father - that legally all the money has to come to you first, and then you'll be thinking about what to do with it.

I think if your relative wanted to leave the money to your children, she'd have done so.

I don't think he could open accounts in the children's name without theirmbrth certificates due to money laundering regulations.

Don't worry about the "executor" thing - it's just a living person who has to do EXACTLY what the dead person wanted. They can't start having their own ideas... On another note, your Dad is old and probably wise (they tend to be) and he may have half a point. When is the next windfall of this size ever going to come anyone's way ? The money was left to you and it's certainly yours to do as you please with - I'd just say that in these harsh times I would love to know that my kids had a major wedge in the bank earning (tax free) interest to see them onto the property ladder / get them through a couple of years of uni or whatever. When they start to need cold hard cash good tiles and a nice bidet won't count for much.

According to hrmc you don't pay tax on inheritance unless it generates income for you (i.e. dividends or rental income) or there is capital gain arising from an increase in value of an asset between the date of death and your disposal of the asset. Use the money as you see fit. It was willed to YOU.

YANBU - your dad is out of line. It's not his money it's yours - he has no right to emotionally balckmail you to try to get his own way wrt what you do with it.

If I were you I would refuse to talk about it with him any more.

Hey, LRD I think our dad's must have been in cohorts!

My dad used to refuse to have the lights on in the main living room because one switch switched on 2 bulbs and the other 3, which was obviously wasting money on electricity and I won't go on about the lack of heating...

Oh dear, that sounds familiar DeWe. It is daft how much family still affect us as adults.

I have been wondering a bit what/if the OP decided anything.

Fitting double glazing is an excellent financial investment, actually. It will save you far more on your heating bills than the same money would make sitting in a bank account. Most don't even keep pace with inflation.

You could pay the difference in your bills into a savings account, if you particularly wanted to. But it's your money and your dad is being unreasonable. I would guess it may be throwing up issues about mortality and family for him, but no, he can't tell you how to spend it. If you want to spend the lot on cocaine and See You Jimmy hats, that's up to you (and the police, of course, if you get caught).

How much do you need a new bathroom, windows and doors?

Have you thought of using the money to reduce the mortgage and then use the savings on monthly mortgage payments to pay for the improvements?

With interest rates so low, it is not wise to have savings getting eroded by inflation until all your debts are paid off.

As others have said - if the money was meant for your children this would have been stated in the will.

Has your dad been left any money? Is that why he's sticking his nose in? And you are leaving money to the kids...just not all of it. In all honesty - if it were me I;m not sure I'd put any for the kids.....but i save regularly for them anyay.

The things you've suggested seem wholly reasonable, they are things that will presumably add value to your house. It is not like you are proposing a booze and drugs binge. Victoria the mortgage idea is a good one too!

ninedragons, I know the hats are tasteless but I don't think they're actually illegal
OP YANBU! And the people on this thread telling her her dad has a point - are you basically saying no one should ever buy new windows or bathrooms? Or just people with children?

OP you are spending YOUR money. And your dad is sulking. What a baby. Has he never bough anything for his own home?

do we know the OP even has a mortgage?

WowOoo

Please let us know which high interest account you use. Then we can all rake it in.

You are putting money aside for your DCs and spending the rest on giving them a comfortable home. Your property is an asset which will depreciate if you don't maintain it, and presumably your DCs will inherit at some point. You're not spending it buying yourself designer clothes or weekends away .

Stealth, if she is considering home improvements then I'd assume she is a homeowner, if not then it really is throwing money away.

If she owns outright, surely she would already be able to afford improvements?

Your Dad is probably grieving - it can do funny things to you.
FIL left a sum of money to DH and to me. MIL then started querying anything we spent saying 'your father left that money for the children's education'.
Finally I snapped and pointed out to her that, whilst the legacy was generous, we did already have savings of our own plus two reasonably paid full times jobs and that we would decide which of our money would be spent where.

She later admitted she wasn't thinking straight and I couldn't blame her as she was clearly suffering.

Vl she may own the house outright, with no mortgage