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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was rude?

51 replies

Tonkaeverywhere · 04/01/2012 13:13

I invited the mums from school round for coffee this morning. 8 from school showed up.

During the morning, one of the mothers verbally invited every child individually to a party this weekend, bar mine.

Now:
a) the children weren't there, so my dc has no knowledge of this or the party b) I do not expect my dc to be invited to every party
c) just because all 7 at the coffee morning this morning were invited does not mean it was a whole class party, it could just be those 7.

But AIBU to think this is a rude way to have gone about this. Handing out paper invites at my house would have been less rude in my opinion than verbally inviting everyone individually but excluding the host only?

OP posts:
KwaziiHunt · 04/01/2012 13:14

YANBU - that is very rude.

MarthasHarbour · 04/01/2012 13:15

Eh??? Cheeky cow

YADNBU - i would pull her up on it though-i am in a bit of a mood today

no you are definitely in the right here.

Gumby · 04/01/2012 13:16

Are you sure you didn't misunderstand & your child was invited?

If not that is awful Sad

bemybebe · 04/01/2012 13:16

Rude, rude, rude.

wahwahwah · 04/01/2012 13:16

Bloody hell! Are you sure she just forgot to mention it to you? Can anyone be that crass?

WorraLiberty · 04/01/2012 13:16

Does her child like your child?

Either way, YANBU.

She could have chosen another time/place to invite them...even if it was more convenient with them all being together at your house.

MrsTwinks · 04/01/2012 13:16

did she "forget" maybe that she hadnt meantioned you? I only ask because I've lost count of the times PIL have "forgotten" that we werent told/asked to come to something or other. Even as far as talking about stuff infront of us or asking why we didnt show up!

Otherwise.. VVVVV rude, pretty much a kick in the face really.

Iscreamtea · 04/01/2012 13:16

very rude!

alarkaspree · 04/01/2012 13:17

It's breathtakingly rude. You should have spat in her coffee.

wahwahwah · 04/01/2012 13:18

We can only assume that she did!

Hullygully · 04/01/2012 13:18

Rude as rude can be.

Quite staggeringly rude.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 04/01/2012 13:19

I'd have said "Oh how kind of you to invite all of our children to the party, my DC would be delighted to come" Grin

jumpingjackhash · 04/01/2012 13:19

So rude! Maybe it's not a bad thing if your dc isn't invited - would you want him to be hanging around someone with those manners?

SqueezeMeBakingPowder · 04/01/2012 13:21

Good grief, that was extremely rude and very insensitive! Some people amaze me, they really do!

Of course it's the other parent and their child's perogative to invite whoever they choose, but, there are ways to go about this so as not to rub it in the face of those children, or their parents, not invited! This was certainly NOT the way to do it!
I think even handing out paper invites would have been terribly rude in the home of someone you weren't intending to invite!

YANBU!

Gumby · 04/01/2012 13:22

Lol at Hex

Text her saying the same Grin

Werent the other Mum's embarrassed?

TheLaineyWayIsEssex · 04/01/2012 13:34

Yanbu very rude.
How did she invite the other dc? Did she go round to each of the the mum's and ask or say it in open conversation? What I am trying to say is, how was it made clear that your dc wasn't invited?

BupcakesandCunting · 04/01/2012 13:37

Rude.

I would have frogmarched her out of my house, by the ear.

Original poster
Tonkaeverywhere · 04/01/2012 13:37

They didn't realise we hadn't been invited, I was in and out making drinks answering door etc.

But each parent I took in, they specifically said 'oh so glad you are here' nad then invited them.

She left earlier than others, and the others were discussing lifts etc, and asked if we were going. I said we hadn't been invited, and didn't know details, others were embarrased on my behalf.

Re getting on, our two aren't close friends, but certainly friends not enemies.

OP posts:
DeWe · 04/01/2012 13:39

Depends on how she did it really. You say it was verbally. If she said "We're having a party and you, you etc. and you but not you are invited" that's very rude.

If she asked each in quiet individual conversation that you overheard then I wouldn't worry about it. She may not have even picked up on that it was everyone but you.

I think being the host isn't relevant. If it's rude, it's rude whoever it is.

Also if the other children are friendly and yours is not in with that crowd it may not have occurred to her that you would feel put out.

There are some friends that if they did that it wouldn't bother me at all because I know my dc are not in their child's particular friends, in fact I would even feel a little uneasy if they did as I'd know they were inviting them not to be rude rather than genuinely wanting. But in other groups I would be upset if I felt my dc were as friendly/more friendly than others invited.

Definitely feel that paper invites would be more rude as it would emphasis that you were the only one left out. Probably no one except you noticed that.

CeliaFate · 04/01/2012 13:39

I'd brazen it out and say, "Can you confirm the details of your dc's party? I was busy making drinks and answering the door when you invited everyone, so I missed the date, time and venue. Thanks!"

DeWe · 04/01/2012 13:39

Sorry: x-post

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 04/01/2012 13:41

8 mums for coffee! That would be a nightmare for me!

However, she was exceptionally rude. If I were you I would ask if your kids are invited. I would assume that they are if she invited all other kids there.

You might get a paper invite when you pick kids up from school?

Whatmeworry · 04/01/2012 13:42

Just text her and ask, say you weren't certain but others there assumed you were invited.

At the very least it will have her squirming....

befuzzled · 04/01/2012 13:45

she perhaps just didnt get around to verbally inviting your child becasue you were in and out? maybe paper invites are following?

aquashiv · 04/01/2012 13:46

I have to say having 8 school Mums for coffee would be my idea of hell so blooy well done you. I take it she will never darken your door again. My only constructive advice is to say to hell with her unless an invite appears.
God almighty did our Mothers have this sort of shit to put up with?