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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Special Christmas Present - NUTS

32 replies

littlebillie · 03/01/2012 22:31

I work in an office in a mixed group of men and women. I arrived early this morning at my desk and tried to get my bearing for the new year. I opened my draw and found someone had placed in the NUTS Christmas Special.

My desk is at the end of a row, near the window and someone would have had to make a special journey to put it there. The office was mostly empty and initially I felt very upset and quite intimidated by it.

Over the course of the day, it seems that my male colleague placed it there just before Christmas (I had finished to be the kids). He wasn't in today so I have seen him. The reaction I have had from women is get over it, I would have thrown it in the bin and said nothing. I am very annoyed at his actions, and just wonder what he thinks of me. I am not sure how to play it at all... any suggestions and AIBU to be upset??

OP posts:

QueenOfFlamingEverything · 03/01/2012 22:33

i'd make a complaint about sexual harrassment actually

and no, yanbu at all to be upset

i'd be hopping bloody mad

ChaosTrulyReigns · 03/01/2012 22:34

How have you found out who it was that placed it there?

Tortington · 03/01/2012 22:34

yanbu, this is sexual harassment and any decent HR person in any decent office in the land will treat it as such.

the guy needs to learn some manners. what is this 1964? that men are allowed to put porn into your desk drawer?

Original poster

littlebillie · 03/01/2012 22:35

Is NUTS still classed as porn, so many men mags look the same.

OP posts:

Winkly · 03/01/2012 22:36

It depends. Are your colleagues normally respectful and polite? In which case, ignore it. Are they jokey and piss-takey but generally well-meaning? In which case, roll up the magazine and smack the offender round the head with it whilst laughing - no interesting reaction means they won't bother a second time. If they are bullying mysoginistic assholes - report it to management/HR.

If it were my office I would sit and read it and comment on how the models have droopy tits, but there is a lot of genuinely well-meaning banter in my workplace which wouldn't happen if they thought someone was truly upset.

Original poster

littlebillie · 03/01/2012 22:37

He is early 30s just married with young baby. I wonder how he would have felt if someone had done this to his wife. I just HATE anything like this.

OP posts:

Tortington · 03/01/2012 22:37

not officially, but it bloody well is.

i think you have to ask yourself - would it be ok if he ddid this do a gay man with a gay magazine?

is it ok to intimidate or bully anyone sexually in any way?

Winkly · 03/01/2012 22:37

NUTS is no more porn than Cosmo and heat with naked male centrefolds and torso of the week btw.

Tortington · 03/01/2012 22:38

it wouldnt happen in my place - instant dismissal

Kayano · 03/01/2012 22:38

Was it sexual harassment or was he sneakily reading it on his
Last day and hid it in a panic?

NE idea. Does he have form for this or is this unusual for him?

Tyson86 · 03/01/2012 22:38

NUTS used to be a magazine mainly full of jokes but then the porno pics started creeping in

thepeoplesprincess · 03/01/2012 22:39

I think YABU to get the hump without knowing why he'd put it in there.

I wouldn't personally start screeching about sexual harassment because someone had shoved a "lifestyle" magazine in the wrong drawer.

HapHappyOpotomus · 03/01/2012 22:39

I'd be initially puzzled, then very fucked off. I think the way to go is make a complaint via the right channels whatever they may be.

Tortington · 03/01/2012 22:39

i beg to differ, i think the contents of cosmo and nuts are quite different - as is the market and who they are marketing to.

Kayano · 03/01/2012 22:40

Agree with people's princess

SiamoNellaMerda · 03/01/2012 22:43

Also agree with princess. You need to find out much much more about this before you go into a complete meltdown. It's not like some put a big steaming turd in your drawer is it?

MissVerinder · 03/01/2012 22:44

Have you got a picture of him? Print a picture of the offenders face, stick it over the cover model and put it in his drawer.

Alternatively, scrawl "she's got more balls than you" on the cover and replace it.

Winkly · 03/01/2012 22:45

Custardo - I disagree - my last Cosmo had Naked Centrefold, very explicit inc pubes, and a massive article about masturbation - I bought it to read on the tube and I was too embarrassed. The only difference in who they market to is gender. I am willing to be shown evidence that proves me wrong.

WorraLiberty · 03/01/2012 22:46

Over the course of the day, it seems that my male colleague placed it there just before Christmas

What do you mean by 'it seems'?

He either did or he didn't.

Who told you he did? And are they claiming to have specifically seen him place the mag in your desk?

Original poster

littlebillie · 03/01/2012 22:46

yes

OP posts:

SiamoNellaMerda · 03/01/2012 22:48

There has to be more to this than you're saying otherwise it's just a random nonsensical act. Why didn't the colleague challenge him? Has anyone actually asked if it was him and why? I don't think they have have they?

What's the real backstory here?

WorraLiberty · 03/01/2012 22:49

Then the best way to 'play it', is to get the person who told you and confront him.

Ask him why he put it in your desk and then take it from there, according to his reply.

HarrietSchulenberg · 03/01/2012 22:49

Haven't seen Nuts in years so wasn't aware that it had gone any more porn than a "readers' girlfriends in their pants" type lad-mag. Seeing as he's obviously spent his cash on it, could you spend a bit of time with a marker pen carefully ruining it, sorry, putting some suitable clothing on the "ladies" within? Then put it back on the top of his desk so it's in full view of the entire office.

I once spent a very jolly hour or so putting clothes on someone's brand new porn calendar in marker pen and tippex.

Actually, thinking about it, make sure it really was him that did it first. It might be someone else doing a "two-for-the-price-of-one" wind up. Not trying to make you paranoid or anything ...

Superene · 03/01/2012 22:51

Get over it! What are you getting so worked up by?
It is either a practical joke (which you don't find funny, fair enough), or it is an error and has been put there by mistake. Either way, I would just laugh it off. If you make a big fuss about it you'll be rising to the bait, which is prob exactly what your colleagues are hoping for.
I once found a live mouse in my desk drawer after a bank holiday. That did make me jump. And laugh.

thepeoplesprincess · 03/01/2012 22:51

There's also the entirely innocent explanation that one of the cleaners just picked it up and posted it in the nearest drawer.

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