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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never, EVER do the school run again?

134 replies

thinkofthemoney · 03/01/2012 17:28

First time on re school run today. Dd just started early years.
Was a bit surprised to find a parking spot right outside school but couldn't see any no parking signs and thought the gods were smiling on me.
I them proceeded to the playground where I felt like a leper! Despite it being first day all the other mums knew each other/ were arranging lifts to the birthday party of one of the little ones in my daughters class. Dd
Not invited but early days obviously.
And why did no one tell me you are supposed to 'dress up' for pick up? Was only mother without make up/ long boots/boden/north face body warmer.
Left the playground to find that the reason said parking space was empty is that the school bus parks directly opposite. My car was therefore stopping at least 10 other mums from getting out.
Cue slow clap from bus driver and lots of head shaking/stupid woman comments from other mums.
I was trying to explain to everyone that I had no idea the bus stopped there and there were no signs to say not to park amidst lots of sorries. These all fell on deaf ears as 'everyone knows not to park there'. Well not me obviously.
So, there goes any chance of social integration for me and dd.
Am I being U to send dh tomorrow?!!

OP posts:
MistyMountainHop · 04/01/2012 09:18

oh dear OP

i hated the first few "school runs" too, the mums all seemed unfriendly and cliquey, somehow they all knew eachother, 2 years later i couldn't give two shits, dc has made friends anyway and i have my own friends outside of school so i am not too fussed. don't worry about it, just drop and go!

MabelLucyAttwell · 04/01/2012 09:19

thinkofthemoney

Have you been reading Amanda Egan's Diary of a Mummy Misfit? It looks as if this thread is based on it!

Chandon · 04/01/2012 09:21

it is possible to cleverly turn it to your advantage.

I did the bad parking and got shouted at by "Righteous Dad" (who incidentally did NOT shout at the big bloke in the SUV behind me who was equally badly parked, the "hero".). I turned it into an amusing anecdote where I completely accepted being in the wrong, with the other mums.

Also, when I have overslept and go to school with greasy hair and puffy eyes, I always imagine the other mums will like me for "lowering the bar". I find people are very friendly if you look a bit rough (makes them feel good Wink).

We then talk about how awful our children behaved in the morning.

The ones who are smartly dressed, are so because the go on to work (people don't dress for the school run you moronGrin!)

Grumpla · 04/01/2012 09:23

Backinthebox hope you get a chance to go and talk to your DD's school about your job one day! That would be soooo coooool!!!!

Fecklessdizzy · 04/01/2012 09:26

Trust me Chandon none of the lot done up like Lily Savage at our school worked, the very idea! Grin

Oblomov · 04/01/2012 09:30

First few weesk are awful. Everyone knows that. Then we had a Year Rep, she announced a night out, and over glasses of wine, we all laughed and laughed about all the awful things we had done (like OP's), all our paranoias' of why no one was inviting our kids to parties (turned out 80% felt the same) and that we ALL wanted to know where Lilly's mum had got that AMAZING black skirt that made her look like J-Lo.
Chil Op, it gets better.

Whatmeworry · 04/01/2012 09:32

Welcome to The School Gate Show, just treat it as a real life sitcom as suggested above or it will drive you nuts.

stealthsquiggle · 04/01/2012 09:34

Chandon - maybe people don't dress for the school run at your school, but they certainly do here - DS is Y5 now, so I know these mothers pretty well and know for a fact that the best-dressed / made up / generally "groomed" ones are SAHMs

ledkr · 04/01/2012 09:49

I never experienced this untill my 4th child.We were living in an area that likes to think its posh with a school everyone clamours to get their kid into.
I rock up on the first day in jeans and a pony tail,no wedding ring and a smile.
Hardly anyone spoke apart from a few i already knew and we were never invited to their precious socials-bothered!
On or two Mums were like me and we eventually ended up friends.

At first i admit it kind of got to me but when i watched them ignore a new Egyptian family in the playground i decided it would actually be my worse nightmare to be involved with women like that.

Oh yes and i see their hubbys out sometimes,al on heat with wedding rings off.

Be yourself.I dont even speak to them now. When i got re married and had a baby,they decided to speak to me.
I decided i didnt want to. Grin

Bathsheba · 04/01/2012 10:00

Firstly, I'm really sorry you had a horrible day...

If it makes you feel better, go into the school office, explain what happened to the school staff about the car parking and the bus and apologise profusely. Then move on from that

Finally, please please very very quickly get out of the mindset that people are dressing up for the school run, or are somehow looking down on you.

Many many people who do the school run, probably the highest proportion, are going straight to work, so aren't dressed for the school run, they are dressed for work.

Some people just dress like that...I blow dry my hair every morning and put my make up on. because I want to do it and its how I work. I'm a SAHM, I don't touch it up all day, but if I didn;t do it forst thing in the morning I'd feel wrong and uncomfortable.

And when I lost a lot of weigh (much now back on) I wore the most gorgeous clothes all day every day...because finally I could...!!! I didn't at any point think negatively about anyone else, or dress like that to make anyone else feel bad. I dressed like that because it made me feel fabulous...!

There is a tiny, tiny tiny % of actual playground bullies amongst the mums...frankly everyone else is just like you, dropping their child off and then getting on with their lives.

Rezolution · 04/01/2012 10:15

thinkofthemoney The less you care, the better it will turn out. Bitter experience has taught me that! Xmas Wink

Yorkpud · 04/01/2012 10:23

Just remember they do not all know each other either. Look out for the ones standing alone and chat to them, you will soon have a few friends to make the school run more bearable! It may also help your daughter to meet people. I hate big cliques and tend to just talk to anyone I am standing near! Try not to think everyone is looking at you because they're not. No one will remember the parking incident tomorrow!

TheBreadstick · 04/01/2012 10:32

You should try doing the school run when you're a ... stepmum.

(They have a special corner for us out of sight of the real mums at DSD's school) Grin

TheWisdomOfSolomum · 04/01/2012 10:51

I remember being in mortal fear of my life on DDs first day in Reception. I applied late for a place as had just moved to a new area, seemed a decent enough school, spoke to head and admin on phone prior to going in and all very nice and friendly.

Got there on first day (with my mum) to see one Dad drinking a can of Special Brew, dogs loose in the playground, one mum shouting across playground to another how she was still "fucking rat arsed from drinking vodka til early hours" and several mums in their jammies! There was more but I blocked it out.

Cherriesarelovely · 04/01/2012 11:12

You poor thing OP. That is a horrible start for you! How were you meant to know?! You do have to adopt a bit of a "sod everyone" approach to the school run sometimes. There will be some nice parents though. Hope things improve.

CatPussRoastingByAnOpenFire · 04/01/2012 12:07

Solomum. An experience similar to yours is the sole reason I learned to drive! We then went out of catchment!

TheWisdomOfSolomum · 04/01/2012 12:15

Catpuss I went more extreme than that and moved 250 miles away! Have a lovely school now, where the mums and dads are neither brew swilling nor Boden clad.

Figgyrollsintoapudding · 04/01/2012 12:21

If it gives you hope, I was late for school with dd and didn't brush hair, have nappy for ds with me no socks literal run out the door. One of the other mums at drop off asked me what I was doing next, said nothing, she said come for a cuppa. BUT I HAVE NO SOCKS ON was what I thought, I HAVEN'T SHOWERED FFS, not a problem, ds did a huge stonking poo. Not a problem, she even gave me a nappy. She might be a one off and I do rather like her but I entered her pretty perfect home looking like a scag.

Actually am not sure I have seen her since........................
Wait that was at the end of last term so perhaps she will be nice again to me tomorrow. I will ensure hair is brushed even if I have no socks on.

I also went to work pg with my slippers on by mistake so it can't have been that bad!

MrsHankey · 04/01/2012 12:35

Don't worry about it, my 'best friend mums' are the type who would absolutely park in the wrong places, turn up, double park & block people in (the types who don't "know everthing" are always more interesting) Grin

Also think I remember a thread about a mum at school gates who was wearing one of these strapless long dresses & didn't realise but top part had slipped below boobs Shock that was classic school run embarassment!

And anyone worth knowing won't write you off just for being 'not well-groomed'

scottishmummy · 04/01/2012 12:41

harsh response from the others, bunch of moos
dust self down, cuppa tea, at least they know who you are now

OffDownTheGardenToEatWorms · 04/01/2012 12:47

TheBreadStick You have reminded me of my experience of the school run for my DSSs when they were young, it was dreadful I looked in the mirror as soon as I got back to the car to check whether there was something disgusting on my face but, no. Shock

The school runs with my own DCs were a walk in the park after that!

scottishmummy · 04/01/2012 12:56

were you treated prejudicially as SM?how did the school wags know?
fortunately i dont do many school run,but working mums dont figure high on the school wags must talk to list

akaemmafrost · 04/01/2012 13:00

I was bullied at school and hated going. I find The School Run creates equal stress levels. I hate it. OP I would totally brazen it out tomorrow. I have a child with SN that have on occasion caused him to be very aggressive and I KNOW what it is like to be the playground pariah, every single day for years.

Choose a more suitable parking place Wink and march in, head held high, it's the only way.

Thruaglassdarkly · 04/01/2012 13:00

You really need to develop a thicker skin and quickly, I'm afraid. Playground politics can be brutal. Brazen it out, try to chat to people over the next few days, then make a joke about you parking in the wrong spot the first day etc. People will warm to you. Good luck:)

TheWisdomOfSolomum · 04/01/2012 13:05

scottishmummy when I read the school run/school gates threads on here I feel like I'm reading about a parallel universe as this just hasn't been my experience since moving to Scotland. It's like its totally not important to anyone at my DC schools and school run is simply about taking your child to school. End of. Is it different where you are then?