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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DH to go on sofa??

45 replies

roz1982 · 03/01/2012 16:55

We have a 6 week old DS. DH does first night time feed and I do second and early morning then DH goes to work and I stay home with DS. Now here's the problem... DH snores like a steam train, and it's generally much worse early morning...from 5 onwards but he snores on and off all night. I really can't stand it anymore...if its not DS keeping me awake it's him snoring!!!! This morning I insisted he went and slept on sofa at 5am...he was really annoyed and wouldn't!!

Im confused by his reluctance and anger as he would get a couple hours uninterrupted sleep on sofa and no kicks from me/squawks from DS! If he insisted I go and sleep on sofa you wouldn't see me for dust! It's a nice big comfy sofa! He did eventually storm off and sleep on sofa but was IBU to insist ask? I really don't think he understands how absolutely horrific it is to be kept awake by snoring...I wear ear plugs but can still hear him loud and clear! What can be done??

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 03/01/2012 16:58

Take DS's moses basket down to the lounge and go on the sofa then!

I would be a bit peeved if DH told me to go on the sofa TBH - surely his snoring got on your nerves anyway before you had the baby?? Not a new problem surely!

YABU!

Nagoo · 03/01/2012 17:03

If it's comfy then why not go down there yourself?

You need to do whatever it takes to get sleep.

JustHecate · 03/01/2012 17:04

He should go to the gp and see if there is any medical reason for him snoring.

Has he tried anything to help? sleeping on his side, those strips, anything like that?

slavetofilofax · 03/01/2012 17:06

Why don't you go and sleep on the sofa?

Or record the snoring on his phone and persuade him to take it in turns to sleep on the sofa.

He should go and see the GP about his snoring though, there might be a problem that could be resolved.

Lueji · 03/01/2012 17:09

I vote for recording the snoring, then get him a GP appointment.

Some people get separate rooms because of this issue.

NatashaBee · 03/01/2012 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoodleBugs · 03/01/2012 17:11

We have the same problem, and a now 7 month old DS. DH's snoring is always worse when he's tired (which if often!) and sometimes if I'm very tired I ask him to sleep on the sofa so we can all get some rest. He is more than happy to go - He hates that he keeps me awake at night.

He is also off to see his GP, and your DH should do the same.

It's awful being kept awake by someone's snoring. I think your DH is being a little selfish.

LineRunner · 03/01/2012 17:12

If he's the one snoring he should do something about it, like a proper grown-up. It's really distressing to have to lie awake and listen to a very loud snorer every night; it's a sign that the snorer might be in for a big health problem; and it causes huge marital rifts.

I don't why the non-snoring mother with the new baby has to be the one to sleep on the sofa.

Original poster
roz1982 · 03/01/2012 17:13

As if I'm going to lug ds's Moses basket downstairs in the middle of the night!! Sorry that just wouldn't happen...like I said I would happily go and sleep on sofa, but there's a 6 week old baby to be fed at 3am and 6am!!much easier for DH to move than me! Also he's the bloody snorer! He is actually going to GP tomorrow to see if anything can be done. It's not as if I'm asking him to go sleep on a bed of nails!

OP posts:
LoveHandles88 · 03/01/2012 17:13

Maybe the new baby/lack of sleep has made you more sensitive to his snoring?
I agree, if the sofa is comfy, you may be better off sleeping there yourself with the little one.
I hate snoring, it drives me nuts. I often retreat to the sofa myself, even though it is anything but comfy! But, I do sleep better if dh is having a bad night of the snores.

deltashad2 · 03/01/2012 17:14

What an inconsiderate man, its obvious that he does far less than you and has no consideration for you let alone DS.
Do you really love him? Is he really what you and DS need?

Original poster
roz1982 · 03/01/2012 17:14

Thank you linerunner Grin

OP posts:
LoveHandles88 · 03/01/2012 17:15

Glad he's going to the doctors. Good luck

Original poster
roz1982 · 03/01/2012 17:16

I would have no issue sleeping on sofa, really, I've done it before, lots of times, but there's a baby in the equation now so it's not quite as easy as that!

OP posts:
Original poster
roz1982 · 03/01/2012 17:17

Thanks lovehandles Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
roz1982 · 03/01/2012 17:19

Natashabee, he's not overweight as such but has put weight on recently...and it's definitely made it worse...I'm interested in the 4 inches thing though Grin will look into that.

OP posts:
StrandedBear · 03/01/2012 17:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dreamingbohemian · 03/01/2012 17:45

YANBU. Not at all!

ChippyMinton · 03/01/2012 17:49

YABU, as you are quite happy to sleep on the sofa yourself. Don't use the baby as an excuse.

Do you have a pram/lie back buggy that you could use downstairs? Or a cot upstairs/moses basket downstairs?

theyoungvisiter · 03/01/2012 18:00

How did you ask him OP?

Did you wake him up at 5am with a grumpy face and demand that he hoofed out of his nice warm bed?

I'm also a bit :( at your attitude that "he's the bloody snorer!"

He's not doing this on purpose. He probably feels upset and frustrated about the problem and thoroughly got at for something that he's not doing on purpose. And he probably feels confused and upset about why this is a problem for you NOW when it wasn't a few weeks ago.

Why not start over - have a calm conversation in the light of day say "look, I'm really sorry if what I said upset you - but I'm just so tired with the baby. I know the snoring's not your fault and I really appreciate it that you're trying to sort it with the GP. But in the meantime, is there any way we could have one night on/one night off" - or something like that.

NO-ONE is going to be sweetness and light if they're woken by their partner at 5am from what to them is a comfortable sleep, with a demand to get downstairs pronto. And he's probably a bit worried about what this means for your marriage. Is he going to be on the sofa for one night? Until the baby sleeps through? For good until he sorts out his snoring?

theyoungvisiter · 03/01/2012 18:02

I completely sympathise by the way - I HATE it when my Dh snores - luckily he's a very silent sleeper.

But your posts come across really angry and as if you're blaming him for something he can't help.

That's not a very supportive way to approach what is - after all - a medical problem he's got no control over.

Nat38 · 03/01/2012 18:09

Im the snorer in our house!!!<img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Grin" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/grin-D7Eg_B6y.png"> Ive been diagnosed with Sleep Apnoea, got tested painlessly by the Sleep Clinic from local hospital after being referred by GP. Now have a CPAP machine-I look like an elephant with a mask on!!HmmBlushGrinGrin
But no more snoring just the little hum from the machine!!Grin

Original poster
roz1982 · 03/01/2012 18:14

Chippyminton, are you for real? Don't use the baby as an excuse?? My six week old baby?? I would just like to also point out that I'm recovering from a particularly horrible emcs and tbh, sleeping on sofa is not really comfortable or the best thing for me right now!

Theyoungvisitor, I don't think my posts come across as angry at all. But I was a bit angry at 5am this morning! Having a six week old fist baby is tough and I'm exhausted!! Anyway I've booked him him a docs app for morning so hopefully should get it sorted.

He's a grown up, he can take it. I'm a very supportive wife but a very tired wife at the moment!

OP posts:
Original poster
roz1982 · 03/01/2012 18:15

Also, a few weeks ago there wasn't a new born baby, and like I've said, recently the problem has got worse.

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Shutupanddrive · 03/01/2012 18:31

YANBU but I can see why he would be annoyed to be woken up at 5am to go and sleep on the sofa. Hopefully you can discuss it before bedtime and find a solution