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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that 3 ice creams in one day is excessive for a 2 year old?

45 replies

MaMonn · 03/01/2012 00:31

Have had big row with MIL tonight and subsequently DP. Was DS 2nd birthday and we are at PILs house for the weekend. He had ice cream after lunch and again in the afternoon (was his birthday cake) - both times I let him because she made it a massive thing with candles and after all it was his birthday. Then this evening there were friends over and a little girl of 5 - she spent the entire evening feeding them in succession...big bowls of sugar coated chocolates, jellies, crisps and then at 9.30 which already way past his bedtime wanted to give him a 3rd ice cream. I said no, he's already had 2 today but she ignored me and tried to hide him in the corner with it - I was angry and took it away, he obviously screamed so I took him upstairs and put him to bed. She is now not speaking to me and my DP thinks I was totally unreasonable. We're having problems anyway so he thinks this is the final straw. I admit I probably shouldn't have got angry but am I nuts in thinking that I shouldn't have just turned a blind eye? I don't really post here regularly at all but I would really appreciate some other points of view.

OP posts:
ddubsgirl · 03/01/2012 00:34

3 ice creams is alot for any child! is she going to clean up the sick?or stay up all night with him boucing off the walls,you had said no she had no right to go behind your back.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 03/01/2012 00:36

YANBU does she do this a lot coz I'd be tempted to stop going there if my MIL did things like that.

Your DP is a knob if he thinks it's ok for a 2 year old to eat all that junk in one day.

I make very obvious and sarcastic comments to my in-laws now - something along the lines of "have you ever heard of fresh fruit?"

seeker · 03/01/2012 00:39

Oh don't be silly. It's one day, she's his granny. Chill.

AgentZigzag · 03/01/2012 00:41

I've got a two YO, and even though she's partial to a bit of ice cream, I don't reckon she could eat that much of it in one day to bother me.

But this isn't about ice cream is it? It's about your MIL being sly and trying to get round what you've said right in front of your fucking eyes! Shock

I would have been fuming.

GPs do have special licence giving their GC treats they wouldn't ordinarily get at home, but if the mum's there and has said no, that overrules it.

Only your DHs opinion would matter in that circumstance, but even then he would be undermining you in front of other people if he'd backed up his mum, which I wouldn't be happy with.

You're not being unreasonable, and it's not that your MIL isn't talking to you, you're not talking to her, the cheeky mare Hmm

ddubsgirl · 03/01/2012 00:42

not at 9.30 at night its not ok,yes gp can give the odd treat but 3 in a day even my in laws wouldnt do that!

Original poster
MaMonn · 03/01/2012 00:42

Yes she does and she said to my DP that I hadn't said anything earlier so she thought it was ok??? We don't come very often because they don't live in UK and so I try to be more relaxed than normal but have made it clear on many occasions that too much sugar is not acceptable. My DP is just well what exactly is going to happen to him etc etc

OP posts:
SecretMinceRinser · 03/01/2012 00:42

As it's a one off I wouldn't mind unless you think it will make him sick. DS is 2 and could easily put that much away without being sick and on Birthdays, Xmas etc I don't mind letting him.

IloveJudgeJudy · 03/01/2012 00:44

My DC would have had upset tummies with that much ice-cream at that age. One per day is enough for anyone. YANBU

grograg · 03/01/2012 00:44

I personally wouldn't be that bothered about him having the ice cream as it was a special day and it's not like it's going to happen everyday, but i would be seriously pissed off that she gave him one when you said no.

SecretMinceRinser · 03/01/2012 00:44

Completely missed the part about her doing it covertly after you had said no more. In that case YANBU as that would piss me off immensely.

grograg · 03/01/2012 00:45

Ive just re-read and realised it was 9.30 which is far too late for him to be eating ice cream :o

grograg · 03/01/2012 00:45

Shock not :o

Wittsend13 · 03/01/2012 00:47

Yanbu. 3 in one day is too much even for an adult. I am laughing at your thread as it is so similar to mine Grin

ddubsgirl · 03/01/2012 00:47

yup 1 of mine would be bouncing off the walls! we have to be careful with sugar,not as bad as he use to be my sil now ex didnt believe us when we said he couldnt have cola,sent him loopy,they were looking after the kids and he gave him a huge glass full even tho sil told him not too,10 mins later my son is going nuts,he did say sorry to us when we went to collect and even sil told him serves him right for not listening!as he had spend the 2 hrs after running after him!

Pliny · 03/01/2012 00:49

My poor DS (2) staggered around doing a very agitated, crying, poo dance this morning because he was constipated from a week solid of at least a small bit of chocolate every day and cake and other goodies some days (his birthday and christmas and NYE in one week) and I felt awful that I couldn't help him. So I know I have to watch what he eats not just for teeth/nutrition (which like everyone says one day or even a week won't be the worst) but because he will be in actual pain. As ILJJ said above - upset tummies or constipation are to be avoided where possible. Really depends on how your child will react to that much crap and you as their mum will know that.

startail · 03/01/2012 01:16

Oh please it was his birthday. Not worth a fight and tears.
I have an expert ice-cream acquirer. I recon her record, at about 2.5 was at least 5 helpings. I don't know for sure. She asked me, her dad and various adults at a works BBQ to get her some. I think some of DHs colleagues checked with a parent first, but some didn't.
She had a whale of a time, felt very grown up and didn't feel in the least sick.

AgentZigzag · 03/01/2012 01:21

And how would you feel if someone deliberately tried to go behind your back and give your DS something after you'd explicitly said no, startail?

Original poster
MaMonn · 03/01/2012 01:39

Oh Wittsend, haven't seen your thread but nice to know not the only one! Pliny you are so right, just no one here seems to understand that it does have an affect on their little bodies but I can see he's not his normal self. Anyway I probably could have dealt with it all better with hindsight but I'm not too good with confrontation - its a bit all or nothing with me Blush

OP posts:
tigerlillyd02 · 03/01/2012 02:38

My DS has probably had about 2 helpings of ice cream in 2 yrs. It's rare he has so much as a biscuit.

However, at Christmas I let it go and he ate chocolate nearly all day, without being sick. He did eat all of his christmas dinner too, oddly.

That said, it was my decision. Had I chosen to continue with the usual rules, Christmas or not, I'd have expected that to be adhered to by everyone else.

So, because you told her no, then YANBU.

I've had the argument with my own mother who thinks they need a biscuit in each hand as soon as they walk through the door and each time they look a bit miserable. She's now finally accepted it.

TroublesomeEx · 03/01/2012 06:35

My MIL does this, although not by feeding ice cream, she's determined that my DD (5) should be having beauty treatments/make-overs - hair curled with tongs, full manicures, full make-up, perfume every time she visits...

This has been the case since my DD was 3 - it happened the first time the week after DD's 3rd birthday when we'd asked MIL to have for her an hour. Only 1 hour. Funnily enough, MIL has very unsupervised access to DD now.

Stupid thing is, she's desperate to spend more time with her/have the children to stop overnight. We have told her why it doesn't happen but she still seems to think it's a battle she can win with us!

YWNBU. If she has gone behind your back. She is in the wrong.

troisgarcons · 03/01/2012 06:41

You aren't the only parent - you also have a DH who was OK with his mother giving the ice cream.

It was the childs birthday. He only gets one a year.

But lets witch hunt MILS and godawful DHs again rolls eyes

neshnosher · 03/01/2012 06:48

Once a year is fine.
Many of these types of threads involve inlaws or the DH's and rarely the OP's parents.

fuzzpig · 03/01/2012 06:52

I can see why you're pissed off about the deception, but TBH he should've been in bed by then anyway!

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 03/01/2012 06:56

I think it's no big deal as a one off, as it's his birthday. I don't think my children could eat that much rubbish in one day for me to be that concerned about it.

If it concerns you that much, then next time you visit you need to make it clear to gp's beforehand.

I think it was wrong of her to give your DS the ice cream after you said no,but I also feel it was mean you taking it from him once he had it-it just seems a bit spiteful to me. You. Punished your son for your mil wrongdoing.

Yanbu to expect your wishes to be followed regarding your son, but for a birthday treat at gp'S I don't see the problem of lots of treats- as a one off.

NorksAreMessy · 03/01/2012 07:01

Was this really worth 'a big row'.

there are times when you have to pick your battles, and a child being treated by someone who is going to be their grandmother for EVER is not a battle I would start with a big row.

This is about more than ice cream, though, isn't it?