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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that 3 ice creams in one day is excessive for a 2 year old?

45 replies

MaMonn · 03/01/2012 00:31

Have had big row with MIL tonight and subsequently DP. Was DS 2nd birthday and we are at PILs house for the weekend. He had ice cream after lunch and again in the afternoon (was his birthday cake) - both times I let him because she made it a massive thing with candles and after all it was his birthday. Then this evening there were friends over and a little girl of 5 - she spent the entire evening feeding them in succession...big bowls of sugar coated chocolates, jellies, crisps and then at 9.30 which already way past his bedtime wanted to give him a 3rd ice cream. I said no, he's already had 2 today but she ignored me and tried to hide him in the corner with it - I was angry and took it away, he obviously screamed so I took him upstairs and put him to bed. She is now not speaking to me and my DP thinks I was totally unreasonable. We're having problems anyway so he thinks this is the final straw. I admit I probably shouldn't have got angry but am I nuts in thinking that I shouldn't have just turned a blind eye? I don't really post here regularly at all but I would really appreciate some other points of view.

OP posts:

ScroobiousPip · 03/01/2012 07:03

YANBU - i think this is mainly about your mil not listening after you said no. if parents and inlaws don't maintain a united front, children will quickly learn to play them off against each other.

i also think that amount of junk food is ABU too. why on earth do we teach children that junk food is for celebrating with? it's just a short jump from there to comfort eating. why can't they celebrate with healthy (but tasty) food instead?

neshnosher · 03/01/2012 07:06

Because traditionally parties for children have jelly and ice cream.
But not before you've eaten some sandwiches.

Aftereightsaremine · 03/01/2012 07:13

Sorry yabveryu it was his birthday & your dp doesn't agree with you. You should have let it go. I take it your dp is his parent also?

TroublesomeEx · 03/01/2012 07:19

Many of these types of threads involve inlaws or the DH's and rarely the OP's parents.

I've noticed that too, neshnosher.

I could say at least as much about my mum as I could about my MIL, I suppose it's probably that we are used to our mothers and their 'odd' ways. So things they do are less likely to come as a shock.

It's also easier to stand up to your own mother than it is to someone else's so the issues tend to fester for longer.

Your DH is less likely to jump in and defend your mother the way they are their own and so it never becomes quite such a big issue.

In our case, my DH feels as strongly as I do about his mum, and mine too!

TroublesomeEx · 03/01/2012 07:25

OP that was too much junk in one day.

You need to establish boundaries with your dp so that you don't find yourself in this position again. We had a few issues in the early days (hence first makeover) and I didn't make a fuss at the time, but I spoke with DH about it afterwards and now we present a united front. That goes for his parents and mine and both of our brothers and their families.

Whether dp agreed with you or not, after the fact, once a boundary has been set, e.g. no more ice cream, it should be adhered to.

If your dp had a problem with you setting that boundary, he should have tackled you about it afterwards.

I doubt you anticipated any sort of problem when you said "no more ice cream" and then took away the ice cream they were given anyway. I'd have done exactly the same. No way would I turn a blind eye to someone blatantly undermining me.

You and he really need to be on the same page re: this though. dh and i have a series of 'safe words' that we use when it's time to leave and at various other times!

Backtobedlam · 03/01/2012 07:28

YANBU you said no and mil went ahead anyway. It doesn't really matter what it was over, it is your child (and dp's) not mil's. I don't think it's ever ok to undermine the parent in front of the child-if dp says 'no' to one of our dc's even if I think differently I wouldn't go ahead and do it anyway.

TroublesomeEx · 03/01/2012 07:34

if dp says 'no' to one of our dc's even if I think differently I wouldn't go ahead and do it anyway.

exactly, Bedlam.

cory · 03/01/2012 08:44

wouldn't have caused a stomach upset in my family and as a one off I probably wouldn't have minded

seeker · 03/01/2012 08:49

It's a well known medical fact that food given by a MIL causes stomach upsets, hyperactivity, allergic reactions, general loopyness, sleeplessness and brat like behaviour.

There is a MIL skin excretion that is undetectable but contaminates any food they touch.

TroublesomeEx · 03/01/2012 10:25

It's not about the food, as such, though is it seeker?

IMHO some people have focused on this as a food thread, and maybe it is!!

I've focused on this is a respect issue. I wouldn't like the amount of junk fed, but I would tell myself it was one day. However, I wouldn't be at all happy with the blatant disrespect shown by the OP's MIL whether a third ice cream was a problem for me or not.

StrandedBear · 03/01/2012 10:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrspepperpotty · 03/01/2012 10:36

This is a tricky one. I think your MIL was wrong to give him so much sugar against your wishes, but it does sound like you over reacted a bit. To describe it as 'the last straw' in the problems you've been having with DP is a very strong statement - do you really want to break up over this?!

If you and DP manage to patch things up, next time you go to your MIL's maybe you should discuss the issue beforehand and agree on an approach you are both happy with (may involve compromise on both sides) so you can present a united front.

BluddyMoFo · 03/01/2012 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RainboweBrite · 03/01/2012 10:59

YANBU. How dare she try to go behind your back like that and what on earth is your DP thinking of by not backing you up? No wonder you're angry.

Aftereightsaremine · 03/01/2012 11:36

Why should her dp back her up? He doesn't agree with her. He is an equal parent. Frankly this would not be last straw for me or dp just a difference of opinion & gps are meant to spoil their dgcs.

seeker · 03/01/2012 14:49

And I can't imagine anyone agreeing with taking an ice cream away from a 2 year old who had been given it by his granny, regardless of where you think he should have it or not!

whackamole · 03/01/2012 14:59

I wouldn't mind the 3 in one day so much if the 3rd one wasn't at 9pm!

I don't think YABU but I would chill about it - it was a special occasion and she is his GP.

fifteenfiftyfive · 03/01/2012 15:08

But this isn't about ice cream is it? It's about your MIL being sly and trying to get round what you've said right in front of your fucking eyes!

Exactly. That is more of a problem than anything to do with how much ice cream a child eats.

Well, that and the fact that your DH appears to be ganging up on you with MIL in the same camp. This is an issue between your DH and you - you need to agree on a comprimise if you both don't agree, then present a united front. In this as with all things - that's why far too many couples have PIL issues, because that isn't done.

Finally, I think you are all being really fucking childish and unreasonable regarding your DS, as first granny gave him the message that it's ok to do something against a parent's wishes as long as he keeps it secret (!) - conflicting messages, undermining you.... and secondly because you took it away - I don't think a child of that age would understand the complexities of the problem here, and he probably thought he was being punished for something. He was damned if he took the ice cream, damned if he didn't. That's really, REALLY unfair - from all of you! You all need your heads bashing together and thinking about this child as your first priority here - your MIL most of all, of course.

annalovesmrbates · 03/01/2012 15:16

As a one-off on a birthday, the icecream is fine but hmmmmm at gone 9pm! This isn't really about the icecream though, is it?

usualsuspect · 03/01/2012 15:17

I wouldn't care either

I couldn't be doing with all the MIL drama on MN tbh

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