Sister seemingly could barely make an effort to give niece & nephew Christmas presents

[Urbanvoltaire]

i don't want to sound too grabby - please note my kids aren't that precious but.....my sister got them both a torch (kind of thing you get on the cheap from a petrol station). They both said thanks etc, then we gave her a few gifts (which I'd chosen and they'd help wrap)... Feel a bit disappointed as she asked me before Xmas what they might like (I'd suggested appropriate items, not too difficult or expensive for her to get, eg Lego, Sylvanian Families). That way she could choose according to her wishes.

Ah well, giving is as good as receiving, it's all over now.

My kids ADORE torches. Every single type you can imagine - the ones you wind up, lego men ones, disney princess, plain old garage ones. I think she probably couldn't afford the lego or Sylvanian families, or thought she wanted to get something more original that would stand out. Why not buy your kids some stickers of their favourite characters so they can decorate the torches. I remember having a torch that came with transfers so that you could personalise it. I LOVED it, for years and years.

I don't think you are being ungrateful or nasty. But I do think you should help your kids appreciate it - you don't want them to end up being ungrateful iyswim

It really isn't important. How much you spend on someone or how much thought has gone into a present is not related to how much you love them.

I will put my hands up and say that the thought that I put into buying presents for people this year was minimal. I hate hate hate choosing presents for people. It doesn't mean that I don't love them.

Torches are good presents and, seemingly, dc can't have too many. Our dc have received several torches each over their lifetimes, and were delighted with each and every one of them.

So, YABU.

My SIL used to send brilliant, well-thought-out presents to our dc. Until the year she got into a strop with us and cut all contact except for Xmas cards and Xmas presents for the dc (and birthday cards for dh). She now sends the dc WHSmith gift vouchers. At first I was hurt, because it seemed like just another indication that she wouldn't be bothered to think about us. But gift vouchers turn out to be very good gifts. The dc spend them in the new year, get a good exercise in practical maths without realising it, and generally get 25-50% increase on the value because of the post-xmas sales.

Yes, I'm sure, based on all these posts, that she will be very very grateful for the torch next year! Sometimes, you have to find some humor in all this. Relatives get it very wrong sometimes.... When I was 7, I asked mum for an 'indian doll' because I was obsessed with cowboys and indians. I ended up with a Pakistani tiny tears. Now, don't get me wrong.... as I've grown up, I could see that she was broadening my horizons, and am actually quite proud that she did that (I was born when there was blatent racism around), but... to say that I was gutted is an understatement. My husband got a bow and arrow from his gran for his 15th birthday... fine, apart from he opened it up in front of his mates. Yes, and they have relieved the moment on facebook twice now.

YABU. You should give freely without expecting anything in return, surely that's the Christmas spirit. Kids in first world countries want for nothing. Most get way too much for Christmas, it all ends up in landfill eventually. Why not call a truce and not get presents for your nieces and nephews, and not expect anything for your DCs?

A torch at bedtime with whizzer and chips under the blanket thinking mum wouldn't notice :)
Just leave it OP it's over and you'll have plenty of time to prepare for next years obvious presents of can openers or snow globes from poundland.

DD4 would love a snow globe...

I've got 2 spare after getting one this year and a couple of presents of them last year.
Perhaps I could swap one with the OP for a torch?

My brother never got anything for my Dcs. He either forgets (a bit of an artist type of character) or is short of money. We see him once a year as we live in different countries. You know what, the Dcs absolutely love him! he is a fun uncle to be with when they see him. I prefer them to remember him for what he is to them than for what he buys them IYSWIM. He does not have children himself.

Some people regard stuff like Sylvanian Families as tat and prefer to buy 'useful' presents. My mother was like that. I remember one year being desperate for a robot cat toy I'd seen on telly. She bought me a hairdryer. I was gutted, but at the end of the day I probably did use the hairdryer more than I would have played with the robot cat.

God, this takes me back.

A torch was THE Christmas present when I was kid (early 60s). They were metal, black and silver, and had three switches so you could have white, green and red. Put the torch upright under your chin, switch on and be a scary monster.

OP, I get where you are coming from. My DB has 5 kids and I have one. I've bought for his children every birthday and Christmas for a long time. My DD had never received anything until this year. She was given a coat, that had clearly been bought for his youngest but must not have fit. I'm not opposed to hand me downs, but I am opposed to storing the bloody thing for the next FOUR years when it'll finally be the right size for my DD to wear!

I do see where you're coming from. Also your DS's age difference is a factor I think. The same present for both of them indicates a lack of thought.
I'm sorry that you feel this way, especially after she asked what they would like. Small Lego and SF sets can be bought for £6 each I'm sure.

I had something similar this xmas - DB and SIL asked if we could not do presents for the adults, and 'save our pennies for the children'. Myself and my sis agreed, this sounded fine. I'd asked specifically for DS to have money towards a laptop, and he got £30, which was great. However two of the teenage children's presents were a bar of soap each. Weird.
DB and SIL go skiing next week.

So all the other posters children love love love torches?? So what, this is not about them, it's about the OP's children. Their mum knew they would like something from Sylvanian Families or lego (which you can pick up cheaply if you shop wisely and buy 3 for 2 deals or just make an effort and look) so that was what was suggested to the sister and then just ignored. I think the OP is upset about the lack of effort and isn't being unreasonable.

All these people who will say she is ungrateful blah blah blah blah, can they honestly honestly say they've never ever been upset or slightly confused about a present they or their family have received yet they come on here and start shouting about being ungrateful etc. but are obviously never ever like that.

What children ask for and seem to want is not necessarily the best for them.

Perhaps the same present is not the most thoughtful present either, but it's not that bad either.
Perhaps she considered what she suggested and decided differently. It has happened to me and I was not upset at all.
Only I decided to buy that item for his birthday and he got a similar one.

mine LOVES his torch, he has two, a green halloweeney one that has shadows of ghosts and witches and a normal one

I spent hours and hours and hours down the back of the garden or under covers or in dens with a torch when I was little

when I ask what kids are into before christmas it's to get a general idea of their stage/interests.

Lego/SF is the kind of gift that just blends into the mass of it IYKWIM. I cannot remember who gave my LO which bits of lego, but I remember who gave him his torches!

YABaU control freak! it's a PRESENT you can't order exactly what you want

Yabu (a bit). Try to look at it from a different POV and it can become an annual source of amusement.
I have an aunt and uncle who sent the most spectacularly naff presents over the years and they were always opened with great ceremony with us all in tears of laughter every time. Examples include Silver Jubilee iron on tee shirt transfers sent Christmas 1979 for all six of us (mum and dad and 4 kids) and a family present the following year of six rose scented floating candles.

They ran a village shop and I think we just got what wasn't selling too well at the time!

May be YANBU, torches aren't naff enough.

YABU. Just because you suggest presents doesn't mean the giver can't choose something else they think the recipents would like.

YABU. In our family we only spend between £5 and £8 on nieces and nephews. I did look at some Lego for one of my nephews but you couldn't get much for that price. Also we tend to buy vouchers for teenagers ( well some times by stuff for the girls) and actual presents for the younger ones. Your sister might have thought torches were a better deal then the Lego or sylvanian stuff she could afford.

my boys would have loved torches! yes you made a suggestion but that is all it was, a suggestion she didnt have to buy what you suggested.

think yourself lucky, my sil bought two of my boys MOONSAND!!!!

Lovely thread...in that it shows that little ones can be delighted with the simplest of gifts.

I agree that torches are clear winners for kids of all ages...

This should really tell you something OP. Stop being so ungrateful and be glad that your sister took the time and trouble to buy something for your kids that she thought they would like.

"I think the OP is more hurt at the lack of thought, it's not about being ungrateful"

YOU and the OP think it shows lack of thought, I think it shows a lot of thought - I imagine she pictured her niece and nephew using them to read under the covers after lights out, and exploring with them, and using them in dens, and using them under the chin to make monster faces....

I could be wrong, you could be wrong, just because you wouldn't think of giving that and wouldnt' like it doesn't mean that thought and love didn't go into the gift idea.

I could probably be accused of being a thoughtless gift buyer because I don't just buy whatever over merchandised character disney tells them to be obsessed with at the moment and go for things like craft materials etc that I can actually picture them using. I might be off the mark but I do put a lot of thought into it. It would be easier to pick up something disney princess or peppa pig but I spend more time getting something active that I think that particular child would like (e.g. if I'm told they are into disney princesses I might get them a princess craft kit, but probably not a disney one).. how unthoughtful of me!