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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband making me feel guilty for getting drunk!

58 replies

cheeseandbiscuitsplease · 02/01/2012 11:59

Have a lovely husband and two great kids, 6 and 2. Went out to friends party on NYE and had a great time. Only four couples, kids all played and had great time etc. I had few Proseccos just like the other mums and we had a dance, a sing and a laugh. One of the lasses was on roller boots at one point-just all harmless fun. I understand that by twelve o clock after we let new year in kids were all tired etc and husband ended up sitting with our 2 year old asleep on his knee whilst I carried on dancing etc. taxi came at half one. Husband spent all day yesterday in a sulk.
Apparently he feels he had to look after kids and me. I wasn't that bad. Can remember getting home and putting kids in bed etc. think he was more annoyed I fell asleep straight away instead of us having post party sex!!
Does anyone else's husband behave like this? He has made me feel so guilty. I work part time, am a good mum and wife and do the lions share of housework. He is a great husband but whenever I have one too many he gives me a hard time about it. I hardly go out and I know I am a lightweight but there was no harm done and I feel he is unreasonable to make me feel like shite because I let my hair down with our closest friends.

OP posts:
rhondajean · 02/01/2012 12:05

Is there a reason he dislikes you drinking?

I worked with a man like this and it was because of drink problems in his family.

YANBU by the way!

LineRunner · 02/01/2012 12:08

I think I'm with you on this one, OP, though I'm sure others will disagree. As long as your DH gets his own chances to let his hair down, it doesn't hurt once in a blue moon. Wsa the taxi booked for 1.30am anyway?

But it can be annoying though for the other party to sit and watch, especially with DCs who need to get to bed. But if it's incredibly rare, and NYE, then I think there has to be a bit of 'chilling out' going on.

My ExH was incredibly uptight about this kind of thing after we got married, so I sympathise.

Landphil · 02/01/2012 12:09

Yes, have had exactly this.
I took years of soul searching working out whether I had a drink problem or dp was a killjoy.

I never really worked out the answer. my final conclusion was he is a killjoy but there were occasions I did drink far too much. From what you say you say it doesn't sound like you drink as much as I sometimes used to.

Mumsnet was a help because there are so many people posting the other scenarios ( " my husband drinks a lot and I get left looking after the kids")

I don't drink do much now . He does not get on my case either because he knows I might leave him over other stuff but that's a whole other thread

Landphil · 02/01/2012 12:10

A good friend left her husband over this. She concluded he was generally a spoilsport

Original poster
cheeseandbiscuitsplease · 02/01/2012 12:16

No drinking issues in either families. Husband goes out with the fire lads (he is a fireman) and also for the last three years they have been on boys holiday to Spain for four-five days! I am a more sociable person than him, we have been together for fourteen years and married for eight. Very happy marriage etc. I was drunk but not to extremes, was just having fun then as soon as I saw his face yesterday morning I knew I was gonna have a day of sulking. Thinking of packing in drinking. I go out with the girls about four times a year. We go out as a couple about once or twice a month. I don't really go on works do's. I don't go on girls weekends apart from odd hen night/fortieth but only three in total in last six years. We used to party a lot before kids and always had loads of fun but nowadays when I do get the chance he spoils it for me the next day. Am sure if I had not fallen asleep and we had had lots of sex he wouldn't have sulked the same. We have a great marriage but this has upset me a lot and I am fed up. I work hard. Just spent four hours cleaning and putting Xmas toys away and can't stop thinking about old sulky chops!!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
cheeseandbiscuitsplease · 02/01/2012 12:18

Yes taxi was per booked also x

OP posts:
LesserOfTwoWeevils · 02/01/2012 12:36

YANBU, and sulking for a whole day about it?or anything else?is unreasonable and controlling.

LordFlashheart · 02/01/2012 12:41

Wow, Christmas really brings out the husband prices out to play doesn't it. So many threads on here!

Landphil · 02/01/2012 14:04

noone over the age of 4 should sulk for more than ten minutes about ANYTHING

whogivesastuff · 02/01/2012 14:07

i hate it when my OH gets plastered because he repeats himself and like all drunks think he is hilarious and witty, when in fact is boring and tedious :)

but i just tend to ignore him when he is drunk and never moan about it the next day

MilitaryWag · 02/01/2012 14:07

YANBU on any level

WilsonFrickett · 02/01/2012 14:11

I don't think YABU. And if you pack in drinking because he sulks I have no doubt he'll turn his sulking to something else he doesn't like, in the hope that you'll change that too. I don't give in when my DS sulks, I'm not going to start doing it for my DH Wink

I don't really like drinking to 'party levels' around my DC and tend not to do it, but at NY I think it's a little bit different. If the DC need attention then someone has to do it, and as long as you take turns generally (ie one partner isn't always the one left holding the baby) then I think there's nothing to sulk about.

boglach · 02/01/2012 14:14

If the kids were with you yabu

being drunk in front of kids can be unsettling for them. i remember being at family occasions as a kid and feeling anxious when the adults were Pissed

nothing wrong with letting your hair down but maybe a night out when kids are in bed is better

slavetofilofax · 02/01/2012 14:14

I think it's about the sex.

trickycat · 02/01/2012 14:20

I don't think you are being unreasonable here, you don't sound like you are living it large every weekend. But have you talked to him about this and stated your case as it were?

boglach · 02/01/2012 14:22

Is it acceptable to be drunk in front of young children?

Slightlytinsellyexpat · 02/01/2012 14:29

YANBU. I sing from the same page as landphil on this one ( ie killjoy vs. lush debates).

Sounds like your DH gets more nights out than you. Probably double standards going on here.

discobeaver · 02/01/2012 15:07

What Filofax said re sex. Or perhaps he just wanted a go on the roller boots?

minimisschief · 02/01/2012 16:02

well i am sure if you spent any part of the night stuck with a child sleeping on your lap while he had fun you would be pissed off too.

tinkertitonk · 02/01/2012 16:03

Isn't the fact that your DH dislikes your getting drunk a sufficient reason for you to stop doing it? Clearly he finds it offensive and embarrassing.

discobeaver · 02/01/2012 16:10

Oooh yes tinkertonk, best not have the little woman enjoy herself in case it offends the all important male.

joben · 02/01/2012 16:10

Tinkertonk, just because OP's DH doesn't like it, she should stop! WTF? What if he didn't like her wearing skirts, or make-up, or going to work, or having an opinion of her own. HE should just let her tell her what to do????? If he's allowed to get drunk with his mates, so should she be able to! FGS she had a few proseccos and danced on NYE, she's hardly heading for the gutter! OP YADNBU

LineRunner · 02/01/2012 16:21

Perhaps the OP's husband should tell her how to vote?

SiamoNellaMerda · 02/01/2012 16:22

LMFAO @ tinkertonk - there is so definitely an invasion from somewhere today. Maybe yesterday too. From where we don't know but the membership requirement is obviously not to be too smart!

discobeaver · 02/01/2012 16:28

I don't think tinkertitonk's world would include votes for women.