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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband making me feel guilty for getting drunk!

58 replies

cheeseandbiscuitsplease · 02/01/2012 11:59

Have a lovely husband and two great kids, 6 and 2. Went out to friends party on NYE and had a great time. Only four couples, kids all played and had great time etc. I had few Proseccos just like the other mums and we had a dance, a sing and a laugh. One of the lasses was on roller boots at one point-just all harmless fun. I understand that by twelve o clock after we let new year in kids were all tired etc and husband ended up sitting with our 2 year old asleep on his knee whilst I carried on dancing etc. taxi came at half one. Husband spent all day yesterday in a sulk.
Apparently he feels he had to look after kids and me. I wasn't that bad. Can remember getting home and putting kids in bed etc. think he was more annoyed I fell asleep straight away instead of us having post party sex!!
Does anyone else's husband behave like this? He has made me feel so guilty. I work part time, am a good mum and wife and do the lions share of housework. He is a great husband but whenever I have one too many he gives me a hard time about it. I hardly go out and I know I am a lightweight but there was no harm done and I feel he is unreasonable to make me feel like shite because I let my hair down with our closest friends.

OP posts:

TamIAm · 02/01/2012 16:44

YANBU. Your husband is being passive-aggressive and controlling however.

scuzy · 02/01/2012 16:47

poor 2 yr old must have been exhausted!!

ledkr · 02/01/2012 16:47

Good grief,its a good job he didnt marry me.
He goes on lads hols?Well my dh has been on those with the firemen (hes a copper) and they all get wasted so its not as if its an alien concept to him,i think hes being sexist imho. Also jealous and angry about not getting his leg over too.

ledkr · 02/01/2012 16:52

scuzy Yes he probably was,like all the other youngsters over xmas who got to stay up for family parties etc, hardly child abuse its it though?
My kids used to love it on holiday or at parties and barbies when they got to stay up late or snooze on laps.

scuzy · 02/01/2012 16:54

really tho 2 yrs old? should have been in bed long ago. not fair on them.

Original poster

cheeseandbiscuitsplease · 02/01/2012 17:05

Thanks for your replies, just like to say that yes my two children were with me but they were having an absolute ball in the conservatory dressing up, playing on the wii etc. they were certainly not unsettled as they were having a great time! My little girl was dressed up as Hannah Montana and playing going on holiday with my two god daughters aged 5 and 8! They were absolutely taken care of. I would never be out of control drunk, certainly not around them-not that I get that wrecked anyway. We are big family people, only kept kids up this late as it was new years eve. They had as much fun as we did. I would also like to say I spend hours and hours with my babes on my knee and neither of them sleep through so I am sure some of you can sympathise. Just feel sad I was made to feel like I had done something wrong when in fact was with my family and closest friends and had a few proseccos. Please don't anyone think I am a bad parent who puts partying above my children as this is absolutely not the case.

OP posts:

fireandthefury · 02/01/2012 17:07

He sounds quite controlling to me.

Nothing to stop him sliding your DS onto the sofa and joining in the fun was there?

I think it's about the sex too, which makes me do the face.

SauvignonBlanche · 02/01/2012 17:09

He's being an arse.
There's some sanctimonious types on here today aren't there?

hwjm1945 · 02/01/2012 17:15

my dp is a bit like this now, but in my case there is a significant family histroy of alcoholism and he is genuinely worried about it. and now I am 44 i can't cope with the hangvoers so have pretty much stopped drinking and indeed did so 8 years ago when preg with DS1. In past we were both big party people. we went out last year to a big do and I told him beforehand I would have 4 or5 smal glasses of white wine and would get a bit pissed. I did and stopped at 4 in fact, he was fine the next day. I think what he is worreid about is out of control drinking.It does piss me off a bit, but I do agree that getting pissed frequewntly is a bad thing for me.

Original poster

cheeseandbiscuitsplease · 02/01/2012 17:32

I had several proseccos but was not out of control at any point and was up at 8:15 with the kids the next day, no hangover as I had ensured I ate loads before we went out and demolished plenty of cheese and biscuits at the party too. Was honestly just having fun and throughout the night so was dh. I wonder if he had a hangover............never thought of this one!!

OP posts:

therantingBOM · 02/01/2012 17:33

Who cares what you did - a man who spent a day sulking about anything would get a short shrift from me. FFS you're a grown woman behave how you wish. If he has a problem with it he can come to you like a man and tell you to your face the whys ans wherefores.

I drink to excess on many and occassion and whilst I doubt my husband loves it, he understands that he got together with a sociable woman so he can hardly complain that I haven't changed.

Although, on another note, I think there could have been a conversation about which of you would stay sober if your kids were going to be up. Maybe he's annoyed that you assumed it would be him? Next year - book a sitter

Original poster

cheeseandbiscuitsplease · 02/01/2012 17:42

He is at work next year so we won't be going out!! I am a sociable woman too. Plus also an excellent dancer, singer and roller booter ;)

OP posts:

therantingBOM · 02/01/2012 17:48

In that case lets get a sitter and head out together next year

ledkr · 02/01/2012 17:51

cheese I agree.When dh works ny i see that as an oppotunity to go out and celebrate with friends.Get a sitter and then get as drunk as you like without reprisal.

Xenia · 02/01/2012 17:57

So the cure to all this was sex the morning after not the night before. Did that happen? That mgiht have stopped the day's sulk.

Every family is different. I don't drink and I would want a 2 ywar in bed by 7 even if it were New Year but it sounds like you did nothing wrong and he was just in a bad mood. It will all blow over.

therantingBOM · 02/01/2012 18:00

Yes that's right. You denied him his conjugal rights in order to enjoy yourself, the least you could have done is given let him have his end away the following morning... you shit wife you

baubleybobbityhat · 02/01/2012 18:02

I have a leetel bit of sympathy with your husband, just a tiny bit. I really really cannot stand drunkeness.

Xenia · 02/01/2012 18:02

That's the problem of drink - it makes people fell ill, sleepy and hung over and it's not the aphrodisiac some people think it is.

mummyosaurus · 02/01/2012 18:20

I have had similar to this with my DH, who is pretty much teetotal.

A friend had a landmark birthday a couple of years ago and invite us all away for a weekend. Lots of champagne, lots of fun and staying up late. It was our first weekend away with out the DC ever. DH gets on with these people well and has lots in common with the men (similar jobs and hobbies).

Dh was a bit of a party pooper at the weekend, moaning he couldn't sleep because of the party, having indigestion and so on. It was like a weekend with Victor Meldrew. I had a fantastic time, but when we got home I had to face the music from him, moaning and sulking. I felt really dragged down and fed up with him, and I felt like it for a couple of months, really down and like I couldn't be myself anymore. Like you say OP, I didn't get out much at all and the one chance I had he ruined it. He made me feel horribly guilty but even so I basically laid it on the line to him that if he was going to behave like that I'd go on my own in future. There was a standoff.

Anyway I'd made a few new friends as my DD started school and started going out with them a few times, having a great time, nothing dodgy, just a few drinks and fun and I think it opened DHs eyes, he had some sort of realisation and actually apologised, said he wouldn't be so grumpy in future.

We went away again this year, with the same friends and both had a fantastic time.

So maybe you do need to get out more? Give your DH a bit of a taste of his own medicine?

Original poster

cheeseandbiscuitsplease · 02/01/2012 18:23

I am a shit wife rantingbomb ;) sex didn't happen as a) he wasn't really speaking to me and b) I was up with the dc's. As usual!!!! My little girl had a great time, I couldn't have had her in bed by seven. She had good sleep yesterday afternoon and last night. We don't honestly make a habit of this!!!! It was new years eve and we went out as a family to our friends house, we all have kids and they had lots of fun.

OP posts:

inatrance · 02/01/2012 18:29

Tell him to get a grip and grow up! YANBU, your DH however, is!

I would completely ignore him, I can't be doing with adults sulking! I'd also call him on the real reason, which I reckon is the sex. Don't let him get away with behaving like that OP!

You did nothing wrong!!

MULLYPEEP · 02/01/2012 18:30

YANBU. He sounds peed off because he had to stay sober to look after the children - that's all. I think its good for kids to see you having fun and 3 or 4 drinks is not a problem. I think you should do it more.

WilsonFrickett · 02/01/2012 18:34

I think there's a job lot of grips needed in this thread tbh. It was hardly 'drunkeness', the children weren't being neglected, they were up playing and having fun. It was New Year! My DS stayed up till 10 then took himself to bed while the other two DCs at our party played till just before midnight. I'm not making a habit of it because he really isn't a night owl, but once or twice a year? No problem. OP, you didn't do anything wrong and you're welcome to my cheese fizz and rollerblading party next year too.

*Except I can't rollerblade.

TapirBackRidersJinglyBells · 02/01/2012 19:05

YANBU - he's sulking because he didn't get his leg over and he'd spent the evening assuming that he would.

What a cockwomble he is!

ChaoticAngel · 02/01/2012 19:13

at cockwomble

OP YANBU

Your H is being very unreasonable sulking like a petulant toddler. Tell him to grow up.

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